I am very much in love with my boyfriend of 7 months & I do believe that he is in love with me too. We get on incredibly well, have an excellent sex life, rarely argue BUT he is incredibly selfish. He is absolutely unable to put anyone before himself. I was feeling poorly last night & he has not thought to call or text me this AM to see how I am feeling & he won’t remember that I had felt ill because he will be consumed with his day & telling me about it. I will go to his house on a Friday evening for the weekend & he will not have brought any shopping not even milk for a cup of tea. We have spoken about it & he is aware of what he is like & says its because he has been on his own for a long time (this is true he has not been in a serious relationship for years) & not used to thinking of someone else but that he loves me & is committed to making it work. He can be incredibly romantic & is sweet and affectionate. But its getting me down, how can I handle this? I dont want to lose him.
2007-10-22 23:34:44 · 19 answers · asked by Nj 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell him how you feel, then he doesnt think he will ever change you need to dump him. You cannot stay in a relationship - no matter how good the sex - if you are unhappy everyday. Dont you want a guy who is affectionate, incrediably romantic and sweet but also remembers to bring in some milk? Give the guy a chance if he thinks he can change and accomadate you and your feelings more, but if he cant than you need to think long and hard about what you want.
And remember to treat him the way you want him to treat you. Its not a one way street. He may be able to learn from the things you do for him. Good luck.
2007-10-22 23:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He maybe romantic and affectionate right now since your relationship is only 7 months.After a years,are you sure he can still act that way ? Well,he is selfish.I think ,he would rather choose to prioritize his own happiness rather than to give you all the happiness you want.Selfish guys are hard to change.If you marry him,you should serve him as a prince and you may become slave of him.Would you prefer that?If you love him and you don't want to lose him,make a way to change his selfish attitude little by little.You can make his heart and mind stable too.Do not show too much love or spoil your man for his head becomes more bigger.You should learn to say your real feelings ,things that you expect from him for a better relationship.If he really loves you,he can do it.If he won't listen and change...sorry...you are a woman like me....our patient has limit..our feelings are getting cold too .
2007-10-23 06:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lucy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has been on his own for a long time before he met you , then he should be used to having at least the ingredients to make a cup of tea . I suspect he has just got used to you sorting this out
Yes some guys , and girls too , are so caught up in their own self they forget that they should show an interest in their partner .
After 7 months he should be picking up on this again and if he cant see and accept this then I fear that your relationship is not going anywhere .
I know you said you had spoken to him , but I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel , and that you are not looking for a relationship he can pick and chose when he is part of it !!
Good Luck
PS Maybe he has some issues too , so you at least need to give him the opportunity to spell them out , a good clear the air session
2007-10-23 07:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by Scobill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hiya, hope this helps, play him at his own game, if you visit, dont go and but food etc, make him go with you to buy it, share the cost between you, but make it fun, b4 yuou go shopping have a cafe breakfast of coffee etc, lead him into food shopping carefully, via the undies section first lol, you say you have chatted to him about his selfishness, so he know's its not nice, but still does it, so you have to turn tables on him if his ill, dont fuss him or ask how he is, just pretend nothing is wrong with him, i think its called reverse scycology, it should work, as basically, he is a nice guy, just thoughtless sometimes, oh and when he is being a sweetie, big him up, make him feel like his superman lol then, when he acts selfish, you dont respond to it just be quiet, he will have enough sense to realise he likes being superman rather than the artic wastes lol, good luck, it will take time but if the loves there it will come good, best wishes Janx
2007-10-23 06:47:35 · answer #4 · answered by jwhot14 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Basically he sounds like a nice guy, underneath the thoughtlessness, he could be a lot worse.
You can`t make someone the way you would like them to be though so you will either have to put up with it or look elsewhere.
If i were you, when you arrive for the weekend, i wouldn`t help to get the shopping in, i would just get comfy on the sofa and let him go! I`ve met a lot of men like this and if you step in and do stuff for them, they are usually quite happy to let you. Don`t make a rod for your own back. Good luck and i hope you feel better soon.
2007-10-23 06:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Bobby`s Hairdresser 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't ever go into (or stay in a relationship) with the belief that the other person will change. If they need to change for you to be happy with them, then they are not the person that you need to be with.
After this time, I'll be that he's not ever going to change, and it's not just that he's been alone for too long... surely, if he was excited and 'into' this relationship he'd be thinking of you!
That said, if this is something that you can live with, and it's not going to effect your relationship in the long term, then there is no reason to stop seeing him.
I guess it just comes down to whether you're willing to accept him, faults and all, or whether you're going to find someone who puts you first.
The Kama Sutra (does't just talk about sex) but gives advice to young women with several suitors "do not marry the man that you love the most. marry the man who loves you the most, as he will do everything to make you happy until the end of your days"
2007-10-23 06:48:31 · answer #6 · answered by Beth H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately some people are like that - it doesn't mean they don't care, it's just that they don't think. It does sound like he is telling the truth when he says that he loves you which is the important issue here.
If he hasn't got the groceries in on Friday when you go for the weekend, then send him out on his own to get it. That way he'll eventually get used to it - men hate shopping!
2007-10-23 06:42:08 · answer #7 · answered by Chucksey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I disagree wit some of the answerers here, my man is the total opposite, he always looks after my needs and makes me feel incredibly cared for in all the little ways. I went up there las ni and he cooked me dinner, and even stocked up on my fav dessert for afters..............i think u need to seriously sit him down and tell him that this is getting you down. He needs to realise this may affect the outcome of the future of your relationship and that its not jus a mild annoyance you have!!!
Tell him exactly what you've told us its not an attack, its jus honest.
Good luck chicks x x x
2007-10-23 07:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by Dolly 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds exactly like my boyfriend! Maybe all men are like this? He's probably just busy, and he is thinking of you even if he doesn't always show it. Why not take your own milk round there this weekend if you want a cuppa. Men just don't think in the same way as us. Read Men are from Mars, women are from venus... it helped me a lot!
2007-10-23 06:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by kchick8080 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
My other half (who I am marrying) is also selfish.
The reason for his selfishness is because he used to live with his mum (who did EVERYTHING for him) and then he and I moved in together.
Things that are totally obvious to me, are not obvious to him. But he is not as bad as he used to be.
Give him time, my other half is brilliant in other ways, and none of us are perfect. But he will learn in time - and he will never be totally perfect, but he will become more considerate towards you.
ps. We did fight about it quite a bit, so be prepared!
2007-10-23 07:15:34 · answer #10 · answered by fire_woman_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋