My 8yr old 3rd grader is not shy. Talks easily to anyone new, can carry on a conversation well. Sometimes we've had neighborhood kids come over for playdates, and they also go for swim, dance etc together.
But, she does not make any "close" friends. Plays alone at recess, hardly talks to anyone more than needed. Does well in group activities in class, participates, and is pretty good in academics.
I feel I've done what I can, exposed her to different friends, activities, playdates, going to parks. She just doesn't seem to want to bond with anyone particular.
She is happy and an active child with a great imagination and good nature/attitude.
I am not worried. Think friends will happen when they will. But, her teacher seems to think it odd that she doesn't have any friends, doesn't talk about any friends at school except her little brother.
is this something to be worried about?
What else can I do?
2007-10-22 19:21:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Some people are just loners. My son was like that, he still is and he's grown. He has friends but none that he couldn't live without. She'll be fine.
2007-10-22 19:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by MeanKitty 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is happy and content then that is fine.
Some kids and adults for that matter, dont need a lot of friends.
She is 8 - and seems to have all the age appropriate skills (group work, active participation, social interaction and academic progress, friendly disposition, active as opposed to withdrawn and engaged in her school and home life)
She just may be one of those kids who is happy going from group to group. This tells me that she is able to relate to all different kids and people at different levels. Our daughter is like this - and she is doing really well. She is now in the 8th grade and considered one of the schools leaders - she is accepted by all kids in her year level. I would prefer this to kids that are stuck in a clique - who cant relate to anyone that is slightly different to them.
I am not sure what teacher is worried about.
Perhaps ask your daughter in a positive way - darling I noticed how well you relate to all the different kids in your class. It is a fantastic quality to have. You seem to play & mix with the different friendship groups. I noticed some kids only play with their friendship group or best friend. Is there a reason you choose to interact with the different groups as opposed to just having one small friendship group or a best friend. If she says anything to make you worry then you can chat with the teacher and your daughter about how to overcome the issue, if it is perfectly logical and there is nothing alarming raised then you can tell the teacher exactly why your daughter socialises in this way and that she is happy and therefore your family is happy.
2007-10-23 03:28:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your daughter is doing just fine, and has plenty of opportunities to interact socially with other girls.
Having said that, I'm guessing your teacher is pointing it out to you so that you can be aware of her behavior at recess. Later on, in middle school and adolescence, studies say that children, and girls in particular, are more resilient to depression, substance abuse and other destructive behaviors if they say in surveys that they have at least one good friend. This is not to say that children without close friendships will develop these problems, just that they are statistically more likely to than those without. If she continues this pattern, she will likely need the benefit of your and her brother's support as she gets older.
Another thing to watch is whether for some reason the academics or classroom situation take so much of her concentration, that at recess she needs to back off and take a mental break because she's exhausted. For example, if she has vision issues, is she concentrating so hard in class to see that she really needs a break by recess time? I have a friend in school who was dyslexic and would see letters backward and forward, and concentrating on what the message in what she was reading was so effortful, that she was exhausted by the end of the day. Exhausted children just don't have the mental energy to read and notice social situations in the play of children around them, and tend to withdraw to solo, imaginative play or reading alone.
If you haven't done so already, I would recommend that you speak with her teacher and tell her you'd like to observe for a few days. You don't need to be in the classroom proper, just observe how she behaves on a particular day or 2 both in class and at recess. If you can observe from afar at recess, you'll have a better chance of seeing typical behavior rather than seeing her interact with you.
No one knows your child better than you, but the school day is long, and it would be good for you to form your own opinion of her recess behavior. You may find it typical of her usual behavior, or you might be surprised.
If you decide you want to help her make some friends, I'd also recommend that you ask her teacher for names of chidren/families in the class who she thinks would make good playmates for your daughter, and invite them over for playdates. Sometimes neighborhood friendships don't translate well to the playground at school or classroom for whatever reason. Then, before the playdate, do some guided play with her, and role-play how to talk to the friend, what good questions she could ask her friend, how to give a nice compliment, and how to watch a group of girls/children playing and then join them politely. Some children soak up these social skills very easily, while others benefit from some role-play and guidance.
Hopefully, these suggestions will give you some ideas of what you can do to determine whether there is a mild problem contributing to her recess behavior. Either way, it doesn't sound serious!
Good luck to you and your daughter!
2007-10-23 09:43:00 · answer #3 · answered by lsmerage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a very happy, independent child too. I preferred to talk to my teacher at recess then go out and play. I had good grades and participated in class too. I did however have a few friends that I did play with regularly and they would come to my house and I would go to their house to play and would call them my best friends. I agree that you shouldn't worry but ask her why she doesn't have at least one really good friend. Maybe she feels her brother needs her and is holding her back (it's just a guess) or some other reason. My mom was and still is my best friend so maybe that's her reason too. Good luck!
2007-10-23 02:27:40 · answer #4 · answered by Precious 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her be. she is happy. Just keep your eyes and ears open to pick up any signs of she wanting to be friends with any particular kid or any new kid interested in making friends with her.
And be sure not to let your "I am not worried, but am posting here" get across to her :-)
You have a child that seems to be able to entertain herself.
Good for her.
My kid is somewhat like that. It usually does not bother her or me. Only at birthday times, she sometimes has just 2 or 3 to invite.
2007-10-23 02:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by ritah 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she wasn't a happy and content child I would be worried
I agree with the last woman-my daughter has all sorts of problems with friends being mean-backstabbing, etc.
I would give anything if she could just walk away from it all and just be happy.
Most girls don't have a true best friend until high school
She will find her way
2007-10-23 13:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by Willow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could be on the other side of the fence... she could be in the middle of all the drama that takes place with little girls starting about that age... she may not want to be a part of it herself... i wouldn't worry... there will come a day the phone bill is sky high and she is always wanting to go here and there with this person and that person... my daughter is 10 and still doesn't consistently have one good friend... it changes by the day... who is mad at who... who wants her to be their best friend today...
2007-10-23 10:36:08 · answer #7 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two things:
Maybe she is afraid of something? Maybe she was close to someone, and that person hurt her emotionally?
OR that she may mix better with a different age group? Or younger?
2007-10-23 02:32:19 · answer #8 · answered by rendezvous_rama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was an exact replica of that as a kid. It wasn't that I couldn't have friends, but that I chose not to.
Now I have more friends than I know what to do with. And I'm not affecting conceit.
2007-10-23 06:17:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope nothing to be worried about at all. The teacher like all school staff try to "pidgeon hole" children and tend to question someone who might be different.
2007-10-23 17:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋