... affected (i.e. the middle child!) to be given a break from the situation until he gains his confidence.
I brought up four boys on my own and I didn't have this problem - the two eldest were more like twins for all of their ups and downs and although my third was a lot more sensitive he got by with my youngest and then I *made* my elder two take him under their wings and then the youngest was fine with his elder brothers.
I can see though that my middle grandson (who is also very sensitive) is being pushed out between Lewis and the baby and he *needs* more space and attention.
I want to suggest that he comes to live with me for a while but want a way of putting this across in the correct manner to his parents,
Here he will get all of the attention that he needs and I am sure that I can resolve all of his problems over sleeping/schoolwork and so on.
Any advice on "middle child syndrome" to back me up in this would be welcome.
2007-10-22 19:19:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
They have space there for him to have his own room or he can share with Lewis and/or the baby but they don't know what is really needed.
Here J. could have his own room (the one his Father and his uncles used to share!)*and* his own space which he *needs*.
I know jolly well that boys need to learn to get along together (it is why I had all of mine in the cubs yet she won't allow that) but this is an exceptional case because he needs some *room*/space just for a while to take the pressure off and I can provide that and the support that he needs.
I need help to put the argument across in this new-fangled psychobabble language so that she will listen.
2007-10-22 20:32:54 · update #1
Well Bex when it's girls and boys it's different - I had two older brothers and I got away with more than they too (as far as my Father went - my Mother made up for it though!) - here I am talking about all boys and J. definately is caught in the middle and it's nobody's fault - I just want to help out as I can *see* the problem (and the solution).
2007-10-22 20:42:07 · update #2
Well Bex when it's girls and boys it's different - I had two older brothers and I got away with more than they too (as far as my Father went - my Mother made up for it though!) - here I am talking about all boys and J. definately is caught in the middle and it's nobody's fault - I just want to help out as I can *see* the problem (and the solution).
2007-10-22 20:42:09 · update #3
Don't know why the above came out twice - talk about repeating yourself!
2007-10-22 20:44:13 · update #4
your in for another battle here joan, i dont mean that nasty or mean, but your dil is already hostile towards any idea you put forward even if its more than clear that you only have the childrens best interests at heart. i'm not sure seperation is the answer tho, would it not be better to help the child gain his confidence in the presence of the other children? i say that because whilst living with you his confidence could well soar but once back in the original family setting it could be straight back to square one. as far as i know the middle child syndrome is where the middle child is sort of ignored. and its hard to give all three children the same sort of one to one attention, i know! i struggle with mine, the younger always seems to take precedence with his age. why dont you all as a family just sit down and talk about it, involve the middle child as well but not in a direct way. maybe ask how he's feeling etc and bring that to the discussion. good luck joan cos i have a feeling your dil will fight you on this and insist there is nothing wrong.
2007-10-22 20:12:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Joan, I come from a large family (4 brothers and 3 sisters) and for the most part we all got along,We learned to work together and give and take just because it made life less complicated.I don't know if I would endorse your grandchild living with you.It would just cause further distance between him and his brothers in my opinion.You would unwittingly create further isolation for him.Have you considered suggesting to you son and his wife having your grandson join Scouts or a team sport?Perhaps some other activity that he is interested in to build up his confidence? How is he doing at school? Does he have friends of his own? I'm concerned that your temporary solution is only going to cause more insecurities for your grandson.How would you explain to him why he isn't living at home? I would think this would make him feel even more unloved.Fostering self-esteem and confidence comes when we have the courage to try new things and succeed( and when we have setbacks to know that is ok too). Your grandson should be given opportunities to make choices so he can see he is capable of so much more.Take care.
2007-10-23 10:17:37 · answer #2 · answered by gussie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have seen this in friend's kids. The middle one starts off as the baby then loses that when another comes,so it's a bit annoyed from the start. First child gets pressured, alot is expected. Last child is babied. Middle one is kind of forgotten.
I grew up an only though I have siblings (big age gaps).My daughter is an only. But my parents had lots of siblings. Mother was oldest girl (was expected to do everything to help,and they were harshest with her). Father was middle,and more or less invisible. The youngest of both families was, and still is, the happiest and most outgoing (and spoilt).
2007-10-23 18:54:45 · answer #3 · answered by Acai 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i believe in middle child syndrome. I have 4 kids too and the 2 in the middle act like they have it. But i know that removing the child from the home will not solve that problem even for a little while. It is up to his parents to find me time with there son.
They just need to be made aware of what you see going on. And maybe some advice. Sometimes with a new baby it is hard to get new routines.
2007-10-23 07:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by norielorie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi Joan, even tough I believe in the middle child syndrome, I don't think it's such a great idea for you to take him with you. I - as a mother - wouldn't be happy about your suggestion. He has parents and it is their responsibility to deal with it. It's nice that you are concerned about your grandson but I also think you should "butt out" of this. Why not give them some advice on what to do? I'm not sure about the whole thing you are proposing, maybe they'll get mad at you, you have to be careful so this doesn't turn into a misunderstanding.
2007-10-23 08:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Baby Ruth habla español 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't really have a problem with middle child syndrome myself. (I have 3 girls). I try my best to spend quality time with each child individually. When I am unable to do this, I try my best to make sure my attention is divided as equally as possible. Your daughter is law probably doesn't realize what she is doing wrong and your attempts to tell her might be met with a brick wall. I suggest that you take two children at a time once in awhile if you can, so mom and dad can spend time with just that child.
2007-10-23 07:56:53 · answer #6 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow would that ever kick up the sibling rivalry in that family! Instead of having him come live with you why not spend a seperate weekend with each child instead of showing favoritism to one child?
You say "Come live with me and I'll treat you better then the others" and you'll be setting him up to either
a) be resented by his brothers
or
b) be teased and ridiculed by his brothers.
They are a family - they need to live as such.
Special time at grandma's though would be fun for all of them.
2007-10-23 09:39:13 · answer #7 · answered by pinkpiglet126 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think a special trip to Grandma's house would be fine, but living with you? No.
It won't help the underlying problem. His PARENTS need to be striving to close the gap between the three children.
It would be more helpful to discuss your concerns with his parents. I believe the parental behavior that leads to this is inintentional, and most parents would work to correct the problem, once they know there is one.
2007-10-23 03:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a great idea to me. Matter of fact my mom and I just watched my nephew this weekend (because his parents needed a break). It was so much fun, we had a blast. I would suggest ask for him on a 3 day weekend though, and then if does well ask to keep him a few days longer. I hope this helped.
2007-10-23 07:29:53 · answer #9 · answered by Shelbi =) 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋
i am the middle one joan i have a brother either side of me , and i have never encountered any problems whatsoever , although my father would side with me over my brothers much to my mothers disapproval lol
edit to your question sorry joan idk really have a word in her ear you can only but try xx
2007-10-23 03:05:32 · answer #10 · answered by ♥BEX♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋