What are the chances he won't want sex?

Question

My boyf and I are 16 and I really want to have sex with him. Would most 16 year old guys jump at the chance? We're virgins...

He's not at all religious.
Yes, I'm already on the pill and we'd use condoms...

Answer 1

Well, your question has touched my heart for several reasons. One, because I wish I had had the guts & means to ask such a question. I'm sure you are probably nothing like me, but I'm going to answer your question from just general life knowledge & personal experience from an ashamed & actually younger life experience. First of all, the very first alarming & concerning key words in your question are "you want to have sex", not "make love". In fact you mention nothing about love at all, you just state you want to have sex. That is a huge concern. The physical act of having sex, particularly if you aren't in love is devastating at even a later, non virginal age. At your age, as a virgin, it breaks my heart that you are having to submit this question to strangers, although I understand why and applaud you for asking advice period! I hope that my long, perhaps TMI answer will help you, and pray you will heed much of my advice. I can assure you I am in no way being judgmental, because I've been there, ashamedly way before your age, and relish the opportunity to help prevent other young women from making the same mistakes I and other young women of my generation did. I am so proud of your generation of which my son is a member! He just turned 18! I can not imagine how I would react and behave if I had a daughter, but welcome the opportunity to hopefully get some much needed information to you! If this guy, your boyfriend and you, just wants to have sex, and you just want to have sex to please him, and this guy is an immoral pig like the guys that are responding to your question that "he absolutely will get it elsewhere", then yeah, he probably will seek it elsewhere. However, if he truly loves you, he'll wait, hopefully until you are married or at least engaged which sensibly should be a few years out. If these are things you aren't even considering or talking about (which if you are discussing marriage at age 16, it is highly unusual and he is more than likely only saying so to get you to have sex with him. You really are way too young to even be considering marriage or sex at age 16!, If that is not the case, then you are absolutely not ready especially if it is all about a physical attraction. Ignore the scumbag, pig guys that responded "oh you bet he will, if he's breathing, or a normal 16 year old red blooded male" That's just not true. The worthy red blooded male that deserves the gift of your virginity will wait until you are both ready and much older, but ideally you should not even consider this happening before marriage or at least engaged. I'm talking about a true marriage commitment: ring on finger, date set, invitations sent out, all arrangements made, no backing out, absolutely gonna get married engagement. If you don't believe that, PLEASE read on and believe this. It should always, always be "making love", not "having sex". Making love is what this act is designed to do. Not the cheap act of "having sex". There is no going back to holding hands once you've given your virginity away & if you give it to someone that doesn't deserve it, once it's gone, it's gone. Don't cheapen your losing your virginity, this once in a lifetime event, with someone that you are simply just going to "have sex" with. Making love is an incredibly, awesome gift, it is designed (rather you are religious or not) for a way for 2 people that truly love each other to express just that and a bond to strengthen their relationship in a beautiful way, that can't happen in any other way, If this boyfriend of yours is the type of guy that would actually seek sex elsewhere because he doesn't feel like he should have to wait past 16???!!! He is not worthy of giving him your virginity, period! unless & until ya'll are much older & at the very least talking seriously about marriage. Guys are way to immature to accept the consequences or have your best interest at heart at that young of an age. Technically, & yes regrettably & unfortunately approximately 2 years behind a sixteen year old girl in maturity. So basically, keep in mind you are dating & considering having "cheap sex" with a fourteen year old boy! If he truly loves you, he'll wait. Having sex without love, believe me it's cheap, degrading, & isn't a feeling or something that you forget about even when you get to be my age, I am (45). Hang in there girl. Good for you for seeking advice & I hope you heed it. There are alot of charming scumbag guys out there that will tell you anything to get you into bed. (or in your pants in the backseat of a car or wherever they can find a flat or even vertical surface). You need to truly get to know either this guy or anyone you eventually are considering making a commitment to first, then before making love to someone, best advice ever which I also wished I had heeded & listened to...meet & get to know his Mom, Dad & family (sisters especially if he has any) & see how he treats the women in his life. Observe how his Dad treats his Mom if they are still together. This will tell you what type of example he has grown up with as far as how the husband treats the wife. If he is fortunate enough to come from an intact family, study the two of them & how they interact. This is not always your blueprint of how he will treat you, but can give you some really good insight if the two of you get married and as to the type of man he will grow into. The way he treats the women in his life (focus especially on the sisters too) will give you alot of insight as to what type of man he is. Pay particular attention as to how he treats his mother if she is still living (unless of course she is an unfit mother, ie drug addict, alcoholic, however sometimes even in those cases, that can tell you what time of caring individual he is). How he treats his Mother is generally a good look into the future as to how he will treat you. But, beware if he is unhealthily close to his Mom. But if he treats her with loving respect, speaks highly of her and is basically "sweet, thoughtful, and respectful" of his Mother, he will treat his wife in the same manner. If he appears to have no family or makes excuses for your not meeting them...RUN, RUN, RUN as fast as you can, this is a "charming psychopath" whom you absolutely do not want to get involved with. Oh yeah, he'll come up with horrible stories as to how his family mistreated him & will convince you that he is the most honest, kind, person, then will study you to figure out who the perfect man is to you & become him & then you are hooked! Then as soon as a commitment or marriage is completed, as my 6 year old son put it, he takes off his costume & out comes the real insert name here. I'm truly not trying to scare you, only wanting to pass along my knowledge of all of the terrible mistakes I've made in my life & if I can hopefully prevent one single person from experiencing that same nightmare, I've done my job.

I know my answer has turned out incredibly long, but I truly wish I had had someone explain all of these things to me that had been through it. If I had a daughter these are the things I would tell her, and I can certainly understand you're not talking to your parents about these issues, but if you have sisters or a Mom that isn't judgmental, I'm sure she'd welcome the opportunity to discuss it with you. If not, and you like what you're hearing from me, or maybe you don't, but sweetie, please, please listen. You're sweet sixteen & don't need to be giving it up so soon. WAIT!!! Wait for the man of your dreams, he's out there and you will offer him those most amazing gift if you save yourself for him. It is a well know fact that the man that marries someone who has slept around vs. the man that marries the rare virgin is 95% more likely to cheat on the "guess which one"....the non virgin. If you present your husband with the rare gift of virginity, he will truly cherish you, put you up on a pedestal and respect you so much more. Please, please think about it. Control your hormones, think about your future, think about your health, physically, psychologically & emotionally. If you can give your future husband this most unique & incredible gift, your life will be rich, you will be a fine example to your daughters & son's and your husband will respect you more than you can possibly imagine. If it ends up being the 16 year old boyfriend you are asking about, great! But make him wait!

OKay, another scenario, if you feel that your hormones can't wait, & none of the above applies, consider this. This is "having sex" as opposed to "making love". without the actual act of intercourse & the two of you can "play until your hormones & desires are satisfied without penetration". This is playing with fire, but if you have gone thru the meeting the family experience & feel good about that, then he may be worthwhile as a life partner. Again, this is still sex. However, it takes a huge amount of discipline & the woman generally has to be the strong one to control the situation. You know there are other things you can do to satisfy both of your raging hormones to please each other without performing the actual act of intercourse. Truly, if you love each other, try these things & set boundaries & limits. Make an agreement with each other you won't let things get out of control. I know particularly for guys, unsatisfied arousal can be painful, but they know & can show you how to relieve that without having intercourse. You can even participate and it can be quite fun. This is basically foreplay that most couples engage in prior to the act of lovemaking, but you just don't let it lead to that. This alone can tell you exactly what type of guy he is. If he respects you enough to hold off on on "following thru" plus he can satisfy your needs as well. This will show you if he is a selfish lover or an "I'm going to get mine & could care less about your experience" guy. Without being graphic, and perhaps ya'll have already progressed to this point to a certain extent, but I doubt it based on your question, but this is an alternative to sort of take the pressure off & relieve the sexual tension between the two of you without going too far. This is also a way to become intimate without actually having intercourse. But I can't warn you enough how quickly things can get out of control & end up actually following thru with the act of sex. All I can tell you is try your damndest to hold your ground & absolutely beyond all doubt, secretly keep a condom stashed "just in case" things get past the point of no return. But, I beg of you, make a vow with yourself that you won't let it happen. A few tricks, don't shave your legs! This is an excellent deterrent for yourself! Under no circumstances, allow this to take place in a car. Do not tell him under any circumstances that you have this backup condom. This will only encourage him that you are prepared to let it go "all the way". But,.you don't get caught with your pants down without protection. If he begins to force you into something that you are not comfortable with & you want to stop it, by all means use whatever means necessary to do so. Push him off, knee him in the junk if you have to, but protect your virginity like the treasure that it is. If he calls you
a tease, then he's broken your rules & boundaries that were set forth & he should be the one that feels like the bad guy, not you, if you set the rules in advance correctly. I seriously don't advise this scenario because it is so hard to control the outcome, particularly if your in a parked car or something of that nature. Trust me that is NOT where you want to loose your virginity. That's where I did & it absolutely sucks big ones! It makes me cringe to this day 30 years later.

But, if you feel this is an area that you want to explore, as long as you hold your ground & don't allow it do go any further than foreplay, it may take the heat off, but more importantly, reveals the character of this guy. The safest place to attempt this is somewhere where other people are around or within the same household or something like that, so that if you do get into something you aren't comfortable pursuing, you have some reinforcements.

Then, there is scenario 3. If you do screw up & give in, please, please read this carefully & decide if this is how you want your life to turn out, because trust me it will. If you do decide to have "sex with this guy" & I mean truly have intercourse, please keep these thoughts in your head. I hope if you let yourself get to almost the point of the act they rear their head & stop you. If you allow yourself to go ahead & "have sex" with this guy, I guarantee you this will be your new life once you've broken up with this guy. Trust me, if you have sex and that is what it will be, not "making love", this is how you can expect to spend your dating life in your late teens & early twenties and the magic is pretty much over & you'll feel like **** about yourself. There will not be any magic left for your wedding night & your chances of truly finding the right guy to marry will become slimmer & slimmer the more "dates/partners" you have. You'll find yourself with the attitude, well, since I've already done it, I might as well with everyone I date from now on, it will just seem like the normal progression of things and you'll set yourself up for the risks of STD's (some very deadly ones out there now, pregnancy and if you're lucky enough to escape those, the guilt & feeling of slutiness from having so many sexual partners when you do finally find the guy you want to marry. Then, what happens if that guy has saved himself for marriage & you haven't. I guarantee you that could be a deal breaker for a guy like that is good as gold & you know will be faithful to you.

I think it's awesome that more young people are hanging on to their virginity until they are much older than they did in my generation (I graduated from High School in the late 70's). I have an 18 year old son that I know beyond all doubt is also still a virgin, but he has had a religious upbringing, attends a private Christian School & Church, his surrounded by good, wholesome kids from good families & just hasn't found the right girl yet.

Consider me your cyber Mom
Nancy

P.S. I had a lot more to paste into this, put lost it on the clipboard, but I suppose this is more than enough. Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to






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Answer 2

Honey, weigh the out comes. Most likely if you have sex with him, he won't be around for long. Life has been changing alot. Most guys will test you to see if you will sleep with them, and if you do they walk away. You are only 16 what is the rush? If you wait two more years, you will be out of high school. And heaven forbid you get pregnant before you are ready then you'll be done with school and can start a life as a mother. But right now just bask in the enjoyment of your life as a 16 year old girl.

If you are going to have sex with someone, I can not tell you enough times always make him wear protection. Don't ever get "caught in the heat of the moment" That is how girls get pregnant. If you are going to have sex put condoms in your purse. Carry them with you all the time, the guy isn't always if hardly ever going to have condoms with him. Make that your responsibility! You can get them for free at planned parenthood. You can also get on birth control there. and your parents won't be told. If you are going to have sex please please please be careful.

These are the things my mother told me when she thought I was old enough to hear them. I'm glad she did. Because I didn't wait till after graduation and I didn't wait till marriage. But I was the only one of my friends who didn't end up pregnant or with an STD. PLEASE be careful.

And as to your question since I'm done preaching about that, not all guys jump at the chance. These days percentages show that more boys are waiting till they are more mature adults to loose their virginities. He may very well not want to have sex yet. My borther waited till he was 21, my husband waited till he was 21. I was 15. So there you have it. A little knowlege for you.

Again please please be safe. Take care and good luck.

Answer 3

If he is a gentlemen and values his reputation and freedom he will NOT want to participate. And you should be thinking the same. He could go to jail and be branded a predator for the rest of his life. And that would be your fault.
Take a cold shower and stop running with the herd. Just because you think everyone else is "doing it" that you need to. Keep you Virginity and consider it your most precious possession. Someday you will realize what a good decision that will be.

Answer 4

Do not go for that. Sexual desires start even before 16 in everyone but all do not jump in that. U both are not mature enough to manage after effects of the same. It is not only for pleasuresake rather it creates emotional , physical(health related), psychological, social, & mental problems later. Doing something is easy but facing & managing aftereffects is very difficult. Study about these problems in detail on internet by searching the literatures on these topics. Better to wait for at least 2 years . by that time u will be mature enough mentally to understand this. U r internet user. So, better to study deeply about sex . Most of the boys & girls do not know about it, the orgasm, G-spots & natural birth control methods. Have good knowledge of these things first. Always take your mother's advice about every new personal decision & make best use of her experience. None can be better friend than one's own mother. Your age is of study , learn as much as possible to become expert in some particular professional field to become financially independent. after establishing yourself, you can marry a good boy of your choice & enjoy sex at will in your life forever for full satisfaction. But if even during your study, you have strong appetite for that, better to get married , have sex with the real life partner to get rid of sex related tension disturbing the studies. In that case, you will be fully concentrated to your career. It is the fact that interest in sex destroys carreers of many boys & girls badly, particularly who have been made by God such that who get easily excited , aroused & want to have sex as soon as possible(low sex threshold). For them above solution is the best. Such persons have happier satisfied family life with the spouse. Remain God fearing please.
If he is not God fearing , he may be dangerous for you. Most of the boys use girlfriends as cigarettes(use & leave). I hope your's is not so but be careful & always follow safety principle: SAFETY FIRST, ANYTHING ELSE LATER. In sex related matters , you get pregnant despite precautions. Keep virginity intact till marriage, please.

Answer 5

I think most guys would jump at the chance though...But if he's a religious person, he might abstain from it. However, I also advise you to think about it seriously. Having sex comes with big responsibilities.

Answer 6

Typically guys always want sex. but you should be able to tell, have you guys messed around, that's a good indicator, if you haven't yet, don't rush it, sometimes that's the best part, just being with your BF and having intimate moments even if it doesn't involve sex. this kind of intimacy makes it easy to talk to him about it. Whatever you do, don't rush it..you have your entire adult life to have sex.

Answer 7

Most likely he'll agree to however far you want to go. I don't know him personally, but I'd say there's at least a 98% chance he would willingly consent to sex. A very, very small percentage of guys hold out for any reason. You should at least talk to him about it - if not directly, then try to make it subtle.

Answer 8

Yes

Answer 9

Sex is for marriage hon. When you start having sex, you get pregnant, (outside of marriage, you can get std., etc.) So, be wise and don't open up a Pandora's box. Once you start, it's very, very difficult to stop. It's not much fun to have sex outside of marriage.........it's just not worth all the negative stuff.

Answer 10

Unless he's made a vow to God to abstain then yes he'd jump at the chance. Really, what 16 year guy wouldn't?

Answer 11

The chances are slim to 5.