Is it time for suicide?

Question

I have been disabled since birth and also have mild to moderate depression. I've been able to cope with the depression through attending school and working hard and staying busy. I didn't consider it a disability until it ran me over like a truck in early 2002. However, since July 2001, my mother whom I loved dearly died on my living room floor, my father became increasingly distant, my other disability and the depression have become worse to the point where I am now on disability and not working, due to my stupidity and my wife's grief over HER mother's death our children were taken away by child welfare and our parental rights were terminated last month, I was just told by my wife that she has begun an affair over the internet with some guy she met on a sex chat site which she blames on me for not paying enough attention to her and not having sex often enough because of my antidepressants which kill my sex drive.

I have nothing left. No job, kids, health, marriage or Faith.

I want to reply to some of the answers I've received:

There haven't been many positives in the past 6 years, I can recall the birth of my kids and my wife telling me she loved me as being the highlights.

We'll never see the kids again - they've been adopted/fostered - and I can't see how I'd ever trust my wife again, so, you see, the very few good things that have happened have turned to ashes. We prayed to God nightly and worked very hard to get the kids back and lost them anyhow, so I don't see God as much of a help - I just feel abandoned by God and my wife.

Answer 1

I know this sounds cliche' but suicide is not the answer. Just do your best to get your life back on track. see a counselor about your suicidal thoughts it might be a side effect of the anti depressants.

Disabilities are a real downer but that is know reason that you can't live your life, there are many disabled people that have made real differences in the lives of others. Whether or not you can make a difference is a matter of the choices you make, not your physical abilities. try to seek out another job that is better suited to your physical capabilities, go back to school if you have to, it isn't as hard as it seems. if money is an issue, which it probably is you can get all kinds of federal aid, especially being disabled. Go to www.fafsa.ed.gov and fill out a government financial aid form. you will then be approved for a certain amount of financial aid based on your income. everybody can go to school, it is just a matter of how motivated you are to do it. once you have done this, find a school that you would like to go to. What do you want to do with your life? what are you good at? take some time and figure these things out. Then go back to school when you are ready to do so. Just take it slow though, I would recommend no more then two classes a week.
I am assuming that you were a mechanic until recently, why no try something in automotive design, or automotive engineering if you have the head for it.

Getting back to your depression, having a loved one die is a tough situation, especially a parent, but you cant let it wreck your life. Just think about what your mother would say if she saw you now. Grief is a natural human emotion but you must not let it rule your life. Take steps to get the worst of it out of your system. losing your mother must have been a traumatic event and I am by no means suggesting you should forget about her, however I am suggesting that you take steps to ease off the emotional burden it is putting on you. Think of her fondly and always remember her you owe her that much, but you also owe it to her to get your life back on track and make something of yourself. Make her proud.

Regarding your wife, women need attention, especially if they are the high maintanance type, and if they do not recieve the attention attention that they need, they seek it elsewhere. I would suggest that you seek marital counceling. Do what you can to make your mairage work but, and don't be discouraged by this, some things just weren't meant to be. If things don't work out, you may just have to find love elsewhere.

regarding your children, it is possible to get them back if you take steps to provide them with a stable wholesome environment. Then make an appeal to the court that your parental rights be reinstated providing that you are deemed a fit parent. This may take some work, pardon my language but CPS can be a real B**ch. I would recommend... you guessed it, more classes. If you have a diploma from an accredited parenting class and you have taken measures to provide a stable home environment, it is possible that they will reinstate your parental rights.

This may seem like a lot but just remember to go at your own pace and take things one step at a time. I am not an expert, but I have learned a great deal in my short time on this earth. I too had a brush with severe depression. I was an emotional wreck through most of grade school. But through counseling and the support of my friends I was able to bounce back and now I am a fully functional human being. I am not an expert on these things, but I am advocating what I think would be the best course of action.

Rather then looking at the things you lost, you should look at what you have, then once you have gotten it together, take steps to get back what you lost.

I have to admit that I have little if any faith whatsoever, however in your situation you have to find whatever rock you can to hold on to, and if you find solace in religion, then so be it, but I think putting all your eggs in one basket is ill advised, so find as many rocks as you can... figuratively not literally. Try meditation, or some kind of of yoga if your disability permits it. I like many posts before me must also advocate the helpfulness of support groups. My father has been in alcoholics anonymous for some time now and he has been sober for almost thirty years, and he was one hell of a drunk in those days as he says, when he finally hit rock bottom, probably after he crashed the semi through a used car lot and woke up in jail, he realized enough was enough and he joined
AA. Support groups help, be it in health (mental, physical, spiritual etc.), marriage or addiction.

Just remember that you owe it to yourself and to those around you to keep on living.

I am going to leave off with some rather cryptic words of wisdom.

"What are you doing worrying about other peoples problems, I mean what good's it gonna do you?" "Nothing at all... except that the situation is not equal."

Exchange between Frank Marlin and Vash the Stampede (In that order) Trigun episode 3

Pull whatever meaning from this that you want, but I think of it in terms of restoring the status quo. Extract your pound of flesh from life and reap the rewards of your existence for they are yours and yours alone. Take what is rightfully yours from life and restore your status quo. don't just give up because things have taken a turn for the worst. this isn't chutes and ladders.

Answer 2

You have Hope. You have the question in your mind of whether or not things will be okay. They will.

You can find a job. I just hired a disabled person, and she is wonderful. You will find something. Maybe not making tons of money, but get your mind off this and start moving forward.

Kids- That is a tough break. They WILL find you when they are old enough. Be around to love them when they do.

Health- You CAN make the best of the health you have. Try, Man. Don't go out like that.

Marriage- Marriage and divorce is about choices not blame. She made a choice. Now it's your turn. Do you lay down and take it, or try to turn it around? If it DOESN'T work out, there are many people out there. someone is looking for you right now.

Faith- Me either. Doesn't stop me from getting up every morning and telling myself I will make it a good day. If there IS a God, he doensn't want you to go out that way either.

When things are their worst, You will have to be your best.

Peace, brother!

Answer 3

No, it isn't time for suicide. I know things are incredibly rough right now and I feel sad for your loss and what you are going through, although I don't even know you. What I can tell you though is that you don't want to leave that kind of legacy for your beautiful children. I know you love them and care about them. They would find out and the grief would haunt them forever.

I have no clue what your disability is but it is obviously not a mental disability as you are quite articulate. Maybe an occupational therapist can help with the job situation. I know I'm reaching because I don't know about your job situation. I am confident there is a solution.

If you become actively suicidal, I really hope and pray you will seek help. Whenever I get in a really dark mood, I remember something I heard someone say once. "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle."

Take care. I will remember you in my prayers.

Answer 4

I think you have now reached at the bottom of the PIT.So,you have two options ie,perish like coward or have a go,which means going up and up as there is no more any depth in the bottom.Secondly,having lost almost everything which you valued(job,kids,wife,health,faith and more),you are in a way,free from all the past baggage and can(if you wish) have an easier journey to where ever you wish to go.Sit down,free your mind from all the worries and the past, think and think more.I think,a person of your experience of dealing with adversities since childhood has a better chance to build a new life than somebody else.Hope you do that and I wish you all the success.

Answer 5

I will say that you are focusing on the negative aspects of your life. Let me ask you how do you think your life would be different in one year from now after you have sought out treatment and have made a recovery from your illnesses?

Now let me say this: I have a 13 year old son that was diagnosed with bipolar and anger aggressive disorder - it is a daily challenge with fighting physically and emotionally, tears, etc. Then I have a 9 year old daughter that was born with an extremely rare genetic disorder. She has no concept of strangers and the danger that they involve. She is mentally retarded, developmentally delayed. They only expected her to live to her first birthday so obviously she has surpassed all of the odds. Truth is we do not know what her life will entail or how productive she will be but we will cross that bridge when we come to it though. I have pushed all of the doctors and specialists at school to give her the best care and treatment that is possible and I strongly believe that with my perseverence it ended up bing a positive outlook and outcome for my daughter. If I had given up on my children the way you are giving up with yourself then who knows where they would be or who they would be with.

Answer 6

I rather recognize the sensation.. I've been so practically suicide with atenolol drugs however I used to be simply scared they would not kill me and I'd be left throwing up with broken interior organs for the relaxation of my lifestyles. And yeah I chickened out at final minute. Check my query, I self damage alot.. I'd be a critic if I informed you the whole thing will determine simply nice eventually motive I suppose like to be able to under no circumstances occur for myself. But the pleasant I can say for you, is cross see a physician or uncover extra peers on-line, and set your self a target to paintings in the direction of. It will also be whatever, huge or small. Hope I helped, well good fortune..

Answer 7

I feel for your depression. I have not had the horrible experiences you have had, but I do have some words of advice from a long life.

I would suggest that you do what you can to find a way to get involved in good causes outside of your home. Volunteer to visit the elderly or sick. Be a friend to the friendless. Find a way to get off the poison that pollutes your mind- the antidepressants. That won't be safe or easy, so you will need a Dr.s help to wean you away from your life-crutch. That will help solve part of your problem.

You may not be able to save your marriage to an unfaithful partner, but you can save yourself. You have to crawl out of your hole and do something with your life, despite your limitations. You can start by doing things for others. There are lots of groups that would love to have your help from political groups to hospitals.

Try it and see if things don't change. But don't forget to develop your spiritual side, as Christ paid the price for your sins and suffered your pains so He would be able to help people like you and me.

Call the Mormon missionaries and ask them for a blessing and to help you understand why you are here and where you are going.

Answer 8

If you commit suicide you will squander the tremendous opportunity you have before you for personal growth. Remember that nothing lasts forever in this life, especially a situation like yours. I suggest getting involved in something spiritual, and I particularly recommend meditation. You can start with reading Turning the Mind Into an Ally, by Sakyong Mipham.

Answer 9

awww, everyone has a reason to live ive thought about it too. But it is most certainly not the answer. You'ev had a lot of rought spots in your life. Try writting your ideas in a journal read books try and go out a little. try and meet ppl with the same disabilities over the internet. There are ppl like you. In your spare time write a book, maybe get it published, get a tattoo do something, go on vacation. Make your life worth living.
^^please dont kill yourself

Answer 10

Dont you dare do that to your children or yourself. Life is not easy for you right now... but with the right support and right doctor things can and will get better.
Suicide is NEVER EVER the answer.
Start out talking to your family doctor, then look for an agency that can help you. As well find an agency that can advocate for you. They exist... you just need to make some calls and stop thinking this way.
We are our own worst enemy somedays. Smarten up.

Answer 11

Well, I certainly hope you are not serious. But if you are...PLEASE find a support group. Better yet, find a church, MAKE an effort to be with your wife and satisfy her. Even if you don't feel like it, if she needs your attention...give it to her.

There are so many out there in the world that YOU can help, you can share with them how you have overcome this in your life. Rather than feeling like you have nothing, reach out to someone else who may feel the same way.

SUICIDE is NOT the answer and it is NEVER time for that!

Plug into a church, a support group, a bible study and meet others. Find other people who you can intermingle with and you will find 1) that others have problems, yes sometimes even worse than ours 2) that if you can overcome you can minister to or help others in the same place overcome there.

Look at it more like how YOU can help others rather than how bad things are for you...and PRAY... even when we lose our faith and fee like God is not there does not mean He isn't. He tells us he will NEVER leave us or forsake us...we are the ones who walk away or lose faith, not Him...He's ALWAYS there for you!