we have been planning this awhile...he is so great with her but, he thinks my daughter is very spoiled and defiant and needs a change in behavior control. He is always getting angry with me because he is thinks i need to be more strict because i have too much of patient way of doing things that hasn't been working in the past year. We are constantly butting heads about what to do to get her under control. She throws fits about the foods she wants, the clothes she wants, when i brush her hair she throws herself on the ground...and it's not that i let her get away with these things, i eventually get them resolved, but he doesn't think she should be acting this way...I don't know what to do! This is very stressful to me.
2007-10-22 18:09:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I don't mean this to be rude in the slightest, but it seams to me that the problem lies between you and your daughter and not between you and he.
You have just said that your parenting style hasn't been working in the past year. Perhaps you should hold on off moving in with him a bit longer and try to figure out how to make your parenting style work a bit better. I think after that, you and he may be able to discuss his role in her life, and what type of discipline tactics you want to use. You are, above all, her parent, not him. But it is likely that he will back off when you find something that works for the two of you and she starts to behave better.
Good luck and kudos to you for trying to help your daughter, who should always be #1. :)
2007-10-22 18:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you are butting heads NOW...wait until you live toghether. It's only going to get worse. You need to provide a united front for your daughter and it sounds like your parenting styles are on the other end of the spectrum with each other. Does not sound like a winning situation...or a pleasant one for anyone involved. Work out the issue with the boyfriend before you move in...or don't move in. It will only confuse your daughter when you are moving back out.
2007-10-22 18:19:07 · answer #2 · answered by PK211 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your boyfriend has your and your daughter's best interests at heart. He has concerns about her future and that means he's put thought into what is going on. If your daughter seems to him to be spoiled, perhaps you as a single parent have been doing it, without even knowing it. Sometimes a parent needs someone's outside look to show them what is gong on. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a talk before you move in together, you both need to make some allowances, he's going to have to give you time to adjust to a new way of parenting, and you are going to have to make sure you understand his concerns and ADDRESS them, not just smooth things over.
2007-10-22 19:11:34 · answer #3 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please remember that above all, you are the parent she is used to full time. This could be very stressful to her to have a change in discipline, and a major move and/or adding someone to the family. Please see a counselor and get their advice in implementing in the boyfriends ideas. Is he the father of this child, if not, you need to be the main disciplinarian. If he is not the father of the child, your daughter was there before him, and needs to be your main focus. He needs to let you take the reins, with some of his input. This is going to be very hard for your daughter and she may not be able to voice her opinions in a way that can be delivered clearly and effectively. Good Luck.
2007-10-22 18:27:49 · answer #4 · answered by Lia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is right. when she gets older are you going to be able to have long drawn out fights about doing homework, going out with friends, driving. she is young now but think of the future.
also it may seem like the easier, less stressful way to just let her get away with things, but if you are a little more strict starting now than the fights will happen less, she only throws fits becasue it works for her but if you start putting her in time out for it than she will stop
2007-10-22 18:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by someone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are moving in together, then you will both have to agree on the type of discipline you think is necessary, just as long as he remembers that you are her mother and have the final say.
2007-10-22 18:17:39 · answer #6 · answered by Candace C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this will get worse before it gets better and you'll regret the move in. protect your daughter.
2007-10-22 18:25:01 · answer #7 · answered by justagorilla 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋