Is this normal for a child almost 9?

Question

I'm curious, I went to lunch with a friend who just moved back to town and she brought along her eight year old son. He couldn't cut his own food (it was a waffle, not a steak or anything like that), refused to use silverwear and even ate part of his mothers salad with his fingers and wouldn't use a napkin (she had to clean his hands). Then he just wandered off to sit at another table by himself and play with the table setting. Then another table. And another. It made me very uncomfortable since he seemed too old for this kind of behavior and his mother just accepted it as how he should behave. I'v been avoiding going out with her because of this. Is this normal? Am I just out of touch from kids today?

Answer 1

Nope, that's odd.

My kids are four and six. They usually lose their knives when we sit down, but my six-year-old knows how to use it properly, and if his food requires cutting, we usually let him have the knife back.

Even though sometimes they can talk loud, or are constantly TRYING to move around, they do sit in their seats while we're at a restaurant, unless there is just too much going on, or we are there for a very long time. For example, my sisters and mom and all of our families live in the same town. We get together at a Mexican food restaurant about once a month, and there are currently two teenage boys and 6 kids under the age of 6, when we all get together. It's a big group, and we're all talkers, so we're usually there for a long time, and the kids will start running around and getting a little rambunctious, but we also always get a large table in the back where there are no other patrons sitting nearby for them to annoy. And if they take it too far, they know that we will put every one of them in time out, whether we're in a public place or not.

My two-year-old niece knows she's supposed to use a fork or spoon to eat. Granted, we usually just give her food that is okay to eat with her fingers, but she does try. She holds the fork in one hand, picks up her food, places it on the fork, and puts it in her mouth that way. The four-year-olds (two boys), the five-year-old (a girl) and the six-year-old (boy) all use their silverware all the time, unless they are eating actual finger foods. And they all realize that waffles and salads are not finger foods.

Talking with your mouth full, stuffing too much food in your mouth at one time, elbows on the table, not using a napkin as well as you should, these are all age-appropriate manners issues. Not sitting at one table, eating food with his hands, not using a napkin at all, and not cutting his own waffle are not normal problems for that age.

The behavior you witnessed can be the result of a mild form of autism called Aspergers Syndrome, but that doesn't mean it was handled properly. My son *may* have Aspergers, and in many ways he does struggle to do things in a socially acceptable manner, because basically Aspergers is a social disorder. However, that doesn't mean you don't try to help them. It's not right to do nothing when a child with Aspergers is exhibiting bad behavior, because even though it doesn't come naturally to them, they do need to be taught to at least TRY to have some control of their actions in a social environment. My son is reminded probably twenty times in the course of one meal to close his mouth when he chews. It never lasts for long before he's doing it again, but that doesn't mean we stop trying. Now, it's to a point where we can just make eye contact and he shuts his mouth, so it's at least helping a little. In other words, the mom should have at least acknowledged the things he was doing as being unacceptable, and reminded him that he needs to at least TRY.

Unless that child has some sort of developmental delay or disability, his mom needs to start teaching him about good manners in public, and good manners at the table.

Correction -- she should have STARTED teaching this stuff at least seven years ago.


EDIT: Oke K has a point. You should really look into that deadly strain of Immatureitis Virus that is going around.

Answer 2

That is a bit weird for an 8yr old to be acting that way. perhaps he has a learning disorder or something but; mom should have taken some control when the table hopping was taking place. he didn't seem to have a problem with table setting then according to you. This is despicable there are people who consider this normal behavior. You were justified in your discomfort. If I were a patron seeing this behavior I also would be uncomfortable. I have seen 5yr old's conduct themselves better.

Answer 3

That is not normal at all.. I have a son who will be 9 in March and I have not cut his food for years. He cuts his own meat. He knows how to hold silverware properly and he uses his napkin. My older daughter will set the table and as soon as we sit down everyone takes their napkin and puts it on their laps. He knows how to use good manners. He would NEVER eat his food (like a salad) without using silverware.

It is all in how the parents raise their children. If you treat them like they can't do something they will not do it.. If you teach the child how to use them since they were little they will use them... My biggest pet peeve is eating with the mouth open.. I do not want to see your food.. Guess I raised my kids to be young adults and not an animal..

Answer 4

This seems to be typical behavior for an 8 / 9 yr old but you would think in the presence of other people whether at home or in public the mother would have at least made an attempt to make him mind , Its one thing to correct his behavior in public while trying not to make a scene but its quite another just to let him get away w/ it and act as tho its acceptable ,
Also as for the comment above you dont necessarily have to cut a waffle w/ a knife :) I let my 6 yr old daughter attempt to do certain things for herself so she can get a feel of what its like being independent ..

Answer 5

Is it normal? Yes Is it acceptable? No.

It's a really hard habit to break if the mother isn't in with you. My now 10 yr old knew to respect neighbors/ friends at an early age. This is instilled behavior.

you really do have to put the foot down.

Read some free books from the library and use the enclosed info!

Answer 6

I almost feel bad for answering this question. My oldest is Eight. He is a certified genius(no joke). He cant even cut pancakes. My 5 year old helps him button his pants. I get on him all the time. Im not sure if its normal or not. (he also cant tie his own shoes). Maybe the child you are dealing with is a gifted child. Those children tend to excell at things you could never imagine, but they cant walk in a straight line, like my son.

Answer 7

If he is wandering from table to table in a restaurant then he needs to be told to stay put with his mother. Kids wandering throughout a restaurant pose a hazard to the wait staff as well as themselves and other patrons because they get in the way. Besides the mother needs to control her child. Obviously the mother has allowed her child to do as he pleases. I wouldn't go anywhere with her and the child either.

Answer 8

It's normal for him to not cut his own food with a knife.

It's also "normal" for him to want to play and wander around different tables. It IS however, bad behavior. I never let my daughter behave that way in a restaurant. His mom should have said and done something.

Answer 9

Unfortunately it seems that he was not taught table manners. I have a 9 yrs old daughter and she is fine with cutting most of her food by herself. When she was younger we used to play "fancy restaurant" so that we could practice our table manners. It has worked very nicely I think.
The child's mother should have helped him by setting up rules to live by especially out in public.

Answer 10

no, this is not normal. To me it sounds like he may have a moderate form of autism. I have a cousin who's 11 and she does pretty much the same thing. Nine year olds gernerally don't even want to be seen with their mothers and fathers. Never mind having your mother cutting your food for you.

Hope i helped
Belinda