if your boyfriend just told you he was a sex offender......?

Question

what would you do if your current boyfriend was talking to you about his deep dark past... and told you about how he was a sex offender.....
my boyfriend when he was almost 17 got charged and arrested for rape of a 13 year old... because he thought she was 16 because that is what she said she was.. they had a one night stand. he lost his virginity that night. didn't know what came over him.. but it happened... set off his life into Many other problems....
but say he told you all this... what would you do and would you feel differently about him? would you worry he would do that to you? i need serious help. please.

Answer 1

You say "WAS", does this mean his story is true and his record was expunged????
When you go to the mall, can you always tell who is 13 and who is 14, 15, 16, 17, I no longer can. I see people in bars that have to be 21+ to serve or drink alcohol....to me some look 12 and some look 40, you may have heard a saying 'rode hard and put away wet' that saying essentially means the person looks MUCH older than they are.....it is not a compliment to kidz.......
Keeping this in mind, do you believe your boyfriend is telling you the truth??
If he was 17 and a virgin he doesn't sound like the confident aggressor type.......is he kind, considerate and good to you? is his confession to you, the only way you would have had a clue that anything of such a dark secret nature could possibly have been in his life?/?
Have the "other problems" been taken care of in an appropriate manner, did he take responsibility for his actions even though he may very well been the innocent person in the total mess he was in??
I have a grand daughter that is about 5' 9" tall and a knock out, she is only 13 and doesn't look like I did at 13. I have known hookers who were only 11 and didn't look 11. I hope you are following my drift, even charged and found guilty doesn't always describe what really happened and whose fault what was. I am assuming of course that the sex with the minor was consensual and not a violent crime, you didn't make that clear and consensual sex between two minors the older always gets the rap......
What would I do: If I had been with this this person long enough to have mutual trust, and if he had never given me any reason to believe he was a liar, and the sex was agreed upon not him overpowering her, I would be honored that he trusted me enough to open up to me and figure he was pretty serious about me to take that risk. If I loved him before his confession I would love him after. Would I check on his story, yes I hope I would, so any doubt I might ever have would be put to rest. Being married to some one on a current sex offender list can be a difficult situation for you... If he has not been expunged and should be, get it done....Fullfilling all the requirements of his sentence and his probation and if in fact his actions were by mutual consent a lawyer should be able to get this expunged....not sealed, expunged. If he does not agree that you have the right to check the story even though you love him then you have a problem...Love is blind but the neighbors and your future children aren't. And love or not you deserve facts not just a confession. I say all of this because of the remark "didn't know what came over him" I want to believe he really did nothing wrong, that he and she simply had sex and if he hadn't ben arrested he might never have known her real age and she would have been a fond memory instead of a "deep dark secret"....
I guess I would, like you need to, have more facts. If he tore her clothes off because she said no after she said yes she changed her mind........and he didn't stop....... I think iwould have a big problem with his impulse control..were they drunk or sober? Could he have a few too many and do this again?/?/? When you have more background on what really happened ask us again what we would feel under the circumstnces you follow up and find out......This situation has two totally different possible answers. You and we if you wish to ask again , need "The rest of the story"

Answer 2

You have to consider a lot of factors. How old is he now? How long have you been dating? The reason I ask is that if you haven't known him long, you don't have a handle on when he's being completely honest. If you have been dating a long time, you know him better. This is a common thing to happen to guys, but if I were you, I would want to know a lot more details. How did he happen to get arrested for this - how did it get discovered? Get as many details as you can, and listen carefully to make sure the story doesn't change several times as he tells you more details, because that could be a sign that he isn't being completely truthful. Also, no matter what he says, remember that you are only getting his side of the story. You may be at a place in your relationship where he really cares about you and now trusts you enough to drop this bomb on you. Maybe he's just trying to tell you before you possibly found out some other way and totally freaked. He has to register as a sex offender wherever he goes, doesn't he? Without knowing any more about it, I would tread carefully, give this a lot of thought and ask questions.

Answer 3

If he was 16 when it happened, he wouldnt be charged for statutory (16 is too young to be charged with statutory, over 18 having sex with under 18 is statutory) but he could be charged with rape. And actual rape is serious, no matter how old the girl was or if he was a virgin or not. Yes I would feel differently if he told me he had raped a girl. And yes I would worry about if he would do it to me.

Answer 4

if you realize how dark this part of someone life is, accident or not, and they confide in you then it obviously means that he wants to open up to you and he's risking your relationship to do shows sincerity. And something like a 17 year old have sex with a 13 year old under false pretenses might not be smart but still, we all do things in the heat of passion and he make our brains follow our bodies. be there for him, he's still the same guy you know, only now you are starting to see what makes him the person he is, the person you like. You take the good with the bad. No one is perfect by far. But if you are truly worried talk to him or someone that can help you more.

Answer 5

They say young people need to see ID before they have sex to prevent this stuff from happening. He'll be jugded as a sex offender for THE REST OF HIS LIFE!
I've seen it happen to a lot of guys. They tend to be immature and actually gravitate to these younger chicks whether they realize it or not. A grown up female would be too much of a challenge!
I'd drop him like a hot rock! Then kick him to the curb! Tuesday is trash day. Let Leroy and Earl haul him off and call it "spring cleaning".

Answer 6

Wait a minute. He was 16 believing he was having sex with another 16 year old....and that makes him a sex offender?

Sex offenders violently force themselves on others, especially preying on those who are very young (if they're pediophiles), or the weak (frequently that means women if they're rapists). What you're saying he described to you doesn't seem to fit in this category.

He didn't admit to you that he raped her, right? It sounded like 2 teenagers doing what too many teenagers do.

If he was charged and arrested, chances are her parents found out and got angry, or she confessed to what she had done (maybe she got pregnant?) and turned the story to her advantage. "Mom, Dad, I was raped"

I am NOT saying I support rapists, or excuse sexual offenders.........I'm simply pointing out that what your friend has admitted to doesn't sound like a crime....just sex at the wrong time.

Answer 7

Check his story and all the facts. Statutory rape can be between two consenting people, the question is if the people involved are mature enough to make that decision. If it was statutory rape then I'd question his judgement but not his morality, but if it was something else I would run like hell in the other direction. Ultimately it also comes down to your reaction - are you okay with this? Do you catch him looking at pre-pubescents? Ask him questions - he should be okay with you wanting to know more about this.

I'm also assuming you are over 16, if not, again - run like hell!

Answer 8

That 12 year old was probably molested, too. Statistically, most child molesters were molested themselves as a child. Maybe your boyfriend molested his nephew. Why else would he have kept that critical information from you? I'd dump the BF. You have a child you have to protect and that is your first priority. Obviously, you cannot trust your BF because at minimum, he kept important information from you and that makes him a liar.

Answer 9

Its not his fault that a 13 year decided to open up her legs and he took that chance just because he thought she was 16.....its sounds bad to say that he was a sex offender but you should understand him and not make it a big deal because if he repects you than you shouldnt be worried about it.

Answer 10

How has your history together been so far?

I don't know if I would leave him right away, but if he ever stepped over the line with me and hurt me in the slightest, I'd shove him out the door. Did he force her to have sex with him, or was it statutory rape?

It's a hard situation you are in.