How can I get over feeling bitter toward my sister?

Question

To make a long story short, I became homeless overnight after my husband left me. Something I said would never happen to me. I moved from place to place with strangers and decided to move in with my sister for a few days during that summer because it was like 200 degrees and I had been staying with my brother and he had no air conditioner. I thought her and I were close because she had been having problems in her marriage and my husband (now ex) had let her go out with us and we involved her in a lot of the things that we did. Anyway, when I moved into her house she treated me like a complete stranger. I was absolutely stunned. She never offered me any food, wouldn't talk to me, was snappy toward me and etc. It was clear she didn't want me there. I was so hurt. It has been over 4 yrs. that this happened and I have remarried and am happy now. I can't get over how she did me. I feel bitter toward her and sometimes hate her. She acts as if nothing ever happened. How can I get past this?

Let me clarify the fact that she didn't ask me to stay with her, I moved in with her because it was soooo unbearably hot that I had even slept outside at one point to catch the breeze. I stayed with sis because I felt like having air conditioner at night made up for the fact that she treated me like crap. And I also said she was having probs with her husband yrs. before that when I was married to my ex. I could see no reason she had for treating me like crap.

Answer 1

It can be surprising who will be there for us in our time of need and who will not. It's not always the same people WE were there for who will be there for us. I can relate. One winter, I couldn't pay my bills and my heat was shut off. I did everything I could to stay warm and eventually slept in my car because the sun warmed it more than the house. After awhile, that wasn't warm enough and I asked to stay at my friend's house. She seemed defensive and told me that I could stay that night, but she that I couldn't make it a habit because she had her own thing going. She said she liked to meditate, exercise and read at certain times and that she needed to sleep early to be ready for work in the morning. I hadn't gotten completely warm in awhile, so the cold overcame any pride that normally would've made me walk out. To this day, I carry it with me. It's been 3 years. I see her letting men into her life without getting to know them. They're allowed to drive her car, go through her things, eat her food, interrupt her conversations and distance her from her friends and life. I couldn't even interrupt her alone time for more than a night. I may also be angry at myself for staying somewhere I wasn't wanted, or being in a position where I didn't feel I had a better choice. Now, I haven't resolved this, but here I am advising you, so let BOTH of us take care of our feelings. I've been thinking about it more lately, so your question comes at a good time. I think both of us should say a prayer on the subject. We should also ask ourselves before bed what we can say to this person that would actually resolve the issue and hope to wake up with the answer. We should also muster up the nerve to talk to these ladies about it. We should also remember how it felt so that when someone asks something of us that we don't feel we can give, we at least lovingly tell them we can't and help them find another option. Whatdoyathink?

Answer 2

Do you know why she acted this way? Were you cramping her love life? Was she desperate for money? Did she think you were bumming? Why?

Your relationship at this point can't get any worse, at least on your side it can't, so ask her. Make her tell you why she was so inhospitable to you when you needed her. Maybe she has a viable explanation.

After you find that out, you'll be more able to decide how you really feel about your sister and whether she's a positive person to have in your life.

TX Mom
My sister's my best friend

Answer 3

In your question you mentioned that your sister and her husband were having problems at the time you moved in? To me, that says it all... It wasn't you... It was her own marriage that was bothering her... That's probably why she acts like nothing is wrong... Because there was never anything wrong as far as you and she were concerned... Call her, go to lunch or shopping, and laugh a lot... Try to remember, and be happy you have a sister who helped you out when you needed it... Good luck ..

Answer 4

My sister did the same thing to my mother and ever since then my sister has just been bitter towards everyone in the family. I honestly don't know what her problem is.
Does she know how you feel?
maybe you should tell her and talk about it. Forgiveness is key

Answer 5

It sounds to me like she took you in during a period in her life that was less than ideal. In other words SHE had her troubles too.

If you want to get past this, then be gratefull that she took you in at all. (she didn't HAVE to you know)

At a time when you were at your lowest point she stepped up, & was your hero.
Now you can be the hero and forgive, & forget.

Answer 6

You have to ask yourself if you really want to get past it, or if it was something so awful you never want to get past.

If you really want to get past it you have to tell yourself that life is short and that people do stuff because they're stressed out or misunderstand one another - and let it go.

You have to ask, too, whether you relationship with someone like your sister is important to you. If it is - again - you remind yourself that life is short.

Answer 7

you will always feel that way deep inside (hurt) , soon you will forgive but never forget. I too had a serious problem w/ my sis. we're ok now. it is what it is... let it go. I did. I'm much happier w/ her back in my life.