How do I confront my parents with my concerns?

Question

My parents went bankrupt on $145,000 less than ten years ago, and they're working their way back up to that again. They've just bought a house, and two brand new cars. My dad only makes about $17/hour and my mom about $15/hour. They have several credit cards, probably maxed and they just spend and spend without EVER saving a dime. If they have an extra $200 one week, they think it's just extra spending money, and don't save or invest a dime. When my mom bought the last car, I told her that I was worried because she and my dad are pushing 50 and haven't a penny saved, and she said that all she cares about is making the monthly payments and she doesn't worry about saving because "she won't be here forever and she assumes that one of us (her 4 kids) can handle it when they're gone"!!! I can't believe that. So basically, she's living the high life and racking up all this debt expecting US to deal with this later. My husband and I are only 25 and have a baby, I don't want to have to pay off

all of their debt later. We have to put our son through college. I can't believe they could be so irresponsible and care so little about their children. I'm really hurt by this and want to confront her, but I want to do it in a mature and respectful manner. What should I do?

Answer 1

Jeebus will help you.

Answer 2

Since you are married and have a baby of your own, your parents finances are not your concern (in other words, it is not any of your business), for the most part.

However, you CAN see a lawyer -- there are steps you can take to ensure that you do not have to pay off any debt incurred by your parents (I don't think you would personally be held responsible for this anyway). Certainly it would be wise to NOT co-sign on anything with them!

And you need to have an honest discussion with your parents (along with your siblings if you have any) about what your parents' plan is for when they are old and if they will need nursing home care. I think it is fair of you to tell them that that will be an expense that you and your husband won't be able to afford.

Answer 3

Dear Jess,

I doubt it that you will be able to influence them one way or another, so stop worrying about them. Do remember though, that it is THEY who raised you, gave you food, helped you in education and gave you clothing and shelter. You can never pay their debt. In contrast, your child has not done anything for you yet!!

It is wrong to go into debt, I agree or to declare bankruptcy as your "load" is put on someone else. You and I know that the debt is ultimately put on others, as the company considers it the cost of doing business and thus increases the cost which is actually borne by others in our society. Declaring Bankruptcy is a form of legal stealing. However, your telling all this to your parents will only make them feel bad.

Also, remember, that you are being selfish too, although the nature of your selfishness is slightly different from them. You are not thinking of those who gave you life and good health. Your husband married you because he found something good in you, which was by virtue of your parents genes and THEIR upbringing. If they were drug addicts, you would not have good health. If your parents did not give you food, you would be weak and scrawny and unhealthy. If they did not give you confidence, you would not question them.

You will always be indebted to them. As a good child, put their hearts and mind at ease and let them know that you are there for them and together work the problems out.

I have always judged people by the way they have their relationship with their parents. True, you know your parents well, so you know their defects. True you love your child, so you want the best for your child. But, if you are a truly decent person, you will realize and never forget that you are in debt to your parents for ever for your life itself.

I hope I am making sense. I love my parents who are humble people. Who do not want much from life, because their parents gave them what they wanted. May be your parents were denied when they were children and had hard lives. May be you have fulfillment because your parents were not frugal with you. There are many things that make a person who he or she is.

Please forgive me if I am a bit blunt, but your parents are your gods after the Almighty. Pray for them and love them. They will respond to your concerns better that way rather than little you, who is in total debt to them would try to educate them, when all you have is really THEIRS!!

Take care.

Answer 4

You're young and I wouldn't worry about having to get stuck with your parents irresponsible spending behaviors. What is evident though, is that you probably can kiss any inheritance good-bye for it doesn't sound like your parents are thinking about one. I can tell you the future and you won't like it.

These kind of persons, and believe me I know from my own experiences, are the kind of parent who could care less about a future for their own. Problem IS whether you will do the same as I DID.
My mother was around 50 when her 2nd husband died. He left her EVERYTHING. Over $280,000, a house, car, truck whatever. Shortly after collecting life insurance policies TOO she disappeared. One day she calls me up (year later) asking me for money cause a "boyfriend" was in jail. SHE WAS BROKE ALREADY.
When my mother got old she DEMANDED I care for her and I flatly REFUSED. My REAL father did the same and I too refused him and told BOTH of them WHY. In the end you will be confronted to take care of these neglectful parents and the ball will be your own. Count on it someday

Answer 5

2 ways.
LAWS has change, bankrupty isn't a clean slate anymore.
i just heard this year, if they foreclose on the house, it's get sold..that debt follow them.
like when we have car repo, and it's sold..the remaining debts follow them.
this is also partly the banker fault too.
they ASSUME people have good conscience to live within their means.
pushing 50 also a sign of health issue are coming.
and with bad credit afterward, and no borrowing power, and costly intrest rate..life will be hard,..what if health issure put you out of work? reduce wages? or insrance coverage? and you..mom/dad overspend, will have to crash and BURN and live in a rental.
'
the other side is..DO YOU LOVE ME MOM?
do you LOVE your grandson?
what about their FUTURE?

do not have a credit in their name..if their names is mixed up to YOU..cut and destroy that card.so that It's DEAD..so banker can tap onto you..to pay.

you truly need to confrunt.
but..gather INFO.
like punishment after bankruptcy is NOT A CLEAN WALKAWAY ANYMORE.
rules had change because of people like your parent.

the LOVE OF MONEY is the ROOT OF "ALL SORT OF HELL" on earth.
the best way out of DEBT is what GOD said.
GIVE to the ministry..and I will give to YOU..press down..shaken togehter running over..shall men on earth give to YOU.

satan control our economy and government as it going now.
yet GOD is bigger.
and we need to step out of the flesh thinking.and enter into spiritual thinking..you'll see a whole new realms open up.like miracle money..but it's take time.
which is NOW.
be a tither..and..work your way up to that 10% and beyond.
700 club and many pracher on tv are hiting this subject..cause it is a test.
do you love GOD.or money?
we can't serve 2 master.

money is not your savior.
keep that in mind.
money is an expression of the inner man..or wicked man.
as noted in parent..selfishness..greedy..and these sort can passonto their kids..to be greedy..ect.so watch out.
LOVE give
selfishness TAKE

Answer 6

I don't know if your parents will believe or make sense to them. I write for you what we Muslims be live about debt. May be you and some one else will learn to control their life.

Islam teaches that if we die owing some one money then on the Day of Judgment one whom we money will complain to God the this person never paid me my money and died. His children didn't pay me either. God will check record of the person who died w/o paying. God will transfer some of his good deed from his record to the one whom he owes money. If others also keep coming demanding their money, soon man will run out of his good deeds and will end up in hell fire.

These are the teachings of Mohammad the Prophet of God.

For this reason Children of Muslims always pay parent's debts soon after his death so their parents can be saved from hell fire.

Hope it makes sense to some one.

Answer 7

Your parents made a choice to live beyond their means. You can't force them to be responsible. You can talk to them and tell them you are worried about how they will handle retirement and ask them if will start a 401K plan. I think its wrong for them to expect you to pay off their bills because of irresponsibility. I would suggest praying about it and if your parents have a pastor, counseling with him could help them.

Answer 8

You are not responsible for you Mom and Dad's debt. If they were to die in debt to the bank, the bank could only recoup money from your parent's estate. So relax, while they may not be leaving anything for you, when they go they are taking their bills with them.

Answer 9

Well yes they are out of control but I am not aware that you would ever be responsible for their debt ever. You certainly won't get an inheritance but it doesn't sound like that bothers you. Check into and see if you could ever be responsible for their debt. They are heading for another bankruptcy.

Answer 10

Let your parents do what they do, you cannot change them! Their debt is NOT your responsibility when they are gone; you will not have to pay it! (unless you do something stupid like co-sign) Try to focus on your husband and child.

Answer 11

Tell her that you won't be the one paying for her debt. She needs to act like a responsible adult, not like a teenager. If another of your siblings wants to take care of them when they are old then so be it, but that doesn't seem to me like that is going to happen.