when he presents you with something he made with a poor effort? Do you tell him the truth? Do you build up his self-esteem with a lie? Or do you teach him how to manipulate the truth by saying something in-between?
2007-10-22 16:26:14 · 21 answers · asked by TX Mom 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My son is 17 and a music composer. He often pieces together lines of music that lack balance, theme or are totally random. I make him play it for me personally (so I can hear all of it well) and then choose a part I really liked. But then he asks specific questions about other parts...
2007-10-23 06:50:42 · update #1
I know he can do better. I've heard him do better before.
2007-10-23 06:51:51 · update #2
I am very honest with my children about everything........ I know what my children's abilities are and since i sit and do projects with them i know what a great job they can do when they try..........
I would say thank you baby, i love it... that was so sweet of you....... then i would say , Can i give you a few pointers.... Next time just take your time, i think you rushed through this didn't you? Would you like mommy to help you make another one that we dont rush on? and when done I would put them both on the fridge.....
My daughter draws pictures for me all the time..... She is 6 and learning still learning to space her words...... She wrote me a cards that was really sweet but it took 15 mins to figure out what she wrote...... I told her it was great but to re write it and space her words so mommy could read it, she did and it was great..... I believe in guiding my children to try their best.... She wasn't hurt she thanked me for taking time to redo it. And today she gave me another one and it was spaced, so it did teach her something.
2007-10-22 18:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by tammer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer assumes this child is young.say between 3-7
You tell him/her how you apreciate the GIFT they have just given you because as a mother anything from your child is just that AS GIFT dosen't matter how bad or how good! They made it for you!
If it's a school project then you need to praise the effort that was made but ask if the child what they think of their work dig a little, ask about the assignment and what the instructions were.and gently tell them where they might improve on what they have already done. Sometimes a little remark like "I did something like that in school do you want to hear about my project?" Often they will come up with ways to improve on the effort on their own. and, well, sometimes you have to let them find out for themselves. Never just point blank tell them what they have is junk! Your not teaching them to "Manipulate the truth" (same as LYING IMO just a PC name! ) by giving constructive criticisms your teaching them to be truthful without destroying another's self esteem.
Besides they know when your "manipulating the truth" even if you think they don't. For children that young there is no gray area. It's true or it's a lie no half truths at that age! Lying comes later and they learn that pretty fast on their own.
2007-10-22 17:11:30 · answer #2 · answered by Ramoth41 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How do you know it was poor effort or just trying to get it done because of exitement. I always ask my kids to explain there pictures or paintings. That way i can see what they see. Or pretend to. Everyone has different creative minds. Not every one can do the same project and give as much. Tell them they did a good job and if you know they didn't spend that much time on it oh well. It is the thought that matters for the present not the perfection. If it is for home work ask them if they can do a better job. or take a little more time next time.
2007-10-22 16:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by littledueceb 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First of all you need to remember that beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. The child needs to be praised for thinking of you and making an effort to please even though you did not rate it so highly. If it is an artistic item you need to remember that many art items are open to rating.
I think a hug and forget the judgment factor is in order. After that maybe a little help from you to improve his/her capability in this area.
Maybe too tolerant for some, but my opinion as a 75 year old Grandmother.
2007-10-23 04:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by Shirl T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say something like "Thank you, nice of you to make a gift for me. You didn't have much time though, did you?" and smile. That way he knows that you appreciate that the child made an effort but also know that he could have done better.
2007-10-22 21:39:45 · answer #5 · answered by cyranonew 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you want to know the truth? Children are no different. If you teach a child it's ok to manipulate and be manipulated then that's exactually what they will do. Just ask them how much time they spent on it. Maybe you could sit down with him or her and help them.
2007-10-22 16:31:49 · answer #6 · answered by Silverbyheart 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've made the mistake of over praising my stepson, i think.
I don' t know for sure what to do in this situation. I' ve sort of been wondering the same. I think you could put a positive spin, but teach a lesson....something like....Thank you.......You know i love your artwork, but my favourite ones are where you fill all the spaces on the page with color, glitter, cut-outs.....Whatever it might be. Does that help at all?
2007-10-22 18:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by devotedtothem 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
as a general rule, one must always appreciate another persons effort especially if their blood related. This also means that because we love them, we want them to improve and the best way is for you to tell your son it is a very nice job and ask him if he is interested to make his job even better so that more people can appreciate his/her work. If he/she says yes, then help him/her by suggesting how to improve the present he/she gave you. We go thru life with a goal and one of it is to mold our kids by appreciating and motivating them while discretely pushing them forward.
2007-10-22 20:18:18 · answer #8 · answered by Storm Shadow 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends what the "something" is - was it a painting,a piece of writing or what?
A painting is his work and you can praise the good of it - writing you can also praise the good but *later* pick up on any spelling errors or whatever - use your sense and *sensiblity* and your *instinct* and *knowledge* of your *own* child and you will know what to do.
Good luck (and thank you for being a caring as well as a *thinking* Mother - not all are!).
Best wishes,
Joan.
2007-10-22 17:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
How do you know it was a poor effort. It may be the best he can do. Thank him for being thoughtful and point out some interesting parts. Say something like, "I see you used a lot of purple here. I like purple. Is it one of your favorites?"
2007-10-22 16:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by EC Expert 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋