I had a horrible childhood growing up as well as my 4 other siblings. Our mother was not the greatest parent to say the least. All of us grew up with our own problems (still in counseling) because of the lack of emotional support and parenting we received.
My mother has not changed. She is the same person now as she was then. She is even a horrible grandparent!
Yet everyone in my family has no guts to say anything to her.
I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get out my feelings. I want to tell her the straight and honest truth about what she has done to all of us and what she is still doing.
I know that she will never change. But, it is something I need to do for myself.
In situations like this, when you know that a person will not change, do you still let them know how you feel? Or do you just let it out in another way and leave the past alone?
I think that one day I won't have the chance to tell her how she hurt us and then I will have it on my shoulders. What would you do? TY
2007-10-22 16:10:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you need to write her a long letter to express your feelings. Letters are best b/c if you try and speak to her, she may get defensive and cut you off before you finish or you may become too heated with your emotions. Don't expect an apology. Realize that she may never speak to you again. If you are okay with both those things, mail the letter and be done with it.
It's so hard to let the past go. I grew up in a similar situation but we cannot let the past define our future. It will cripple us. Say your peace (I really think you should) and move on.
Best of luck!
2007-10-22 16:24:42 · answer #1 · answered by itsallgood 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My dad always said to me change what you can leave alone what you can't. You cannot change the past only the future. You cannot change your mom only yourself. Regardless of if you tell your mom or not she has a different view of why she did the things she did and you have your memories and will always have your memories. I had gone through something similar for many years. Angry, sad, confused, wondering what to do etc.... I wrote it down and tore it up. I talked to myself, I spoke with a friend. In the end I decided to forgive her because even though my mom was very abusive to me she was only doing what she knew. No it is no excuse but it was the answer I gave myself. And the only way I forgave her was in the letting go of anger. I didn't stop remembering or even becoming angry once in a while if I thought about it but in general I did not hold onto the hate because I am an adult now and in control of my situations.
So in the end my advice is to write it down in a diary. Keep it for a while. Try to let go of the anger and work through the problems in your life that you have. Always try to remember you are an adult and in charge of your life and your decisions. Your mother is not anymore.
2007-10-23 03:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell her!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't kill her with it, but I would tell her. I would also keep my kids away from her if she didn't change. You need to always remember how she was to you growing up, and make sure you are a better parent to your kids. It's really easy to fall into the same trap you were in. It sounds like you got your head on your shoulders, you'll do the right thing.
2007-10-22 23:20:00 · answer #3 · answered by maplewoodjoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are looking for is some acknowledgment of her wrongdoings and an apology. Won't happen. Ever.
So your mother shouldn't have had kids and she did, and you suffered for it. Welcome to the club.
You can't control or change her behavior, only your own. Keep her at a distance, keep her away from your kids, keep up the counseling and learn to mother yourself.
Wait until she starts rewriting history. Mine did.
2007-10-22 23:17:03 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow you have alot on your mind...understandable...I would write a letter to her explaining how you are feeling...explain how you feel...don't include your siblings... it has to come just from you...you will feel better once she has read it... don't expect much so that if she comes around any little bit it will be just for you... time does heal things but the truth will set you free...good luck...
2007-10-22 23:28:24 · answer #5 · answered by Vonda J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol I sympathize with you. my advice to you is that as long as she is not willing to change you cant make her. you are grown now and the best thing you can do is to let it all out at her and pray to God that she hears you and try from the depths of your heart to forgive her. I commend you on becoming the woman that you are focus on your beautiful kids and enjoy the rest of your life.
2007-10-22 23:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by drightchristy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the past is the past and should remain there, what are you going to gain by doing this, your other siblings have a voice of there own if they want to raise any issues im sure they will in there own time
2007-10-23 10:47:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is a really bad problem but i think u should tell ur mom and if she doesn't aggree then just put it behind u but it might bring ur realationship even closer try it
2007-10-22 23:27:31 · answer #8 · answered by madnewell 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put a sign on her front door that says child abuser. You know she does her abuse to get high shes sick. Thats why she does it. If you need to talk Im me I talk to people all the time. Read my profile.
2007-10-23 01:08:52 · answer #9 · answered by theroadwetake 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋