Who thinks it's better to have relationships with people like you or people opposite of you?

Question

This question has been asked before but I need some more feedback. The lady I'm seeing I like her alot cause she is alot like me and I can really relate to her. But often we do argue over the dumbest things. I feel myself losing more and more interest in her. I use to think dating people like me was what I wanted. Now I don't know for sure, maybe dating people opposite of how I am is the answer. Or maybe I'm just one of those people who can't stay interested in the same person forever. Maybe they can have common interests but still be different. Any help on this would be a big help! Any takers?

Answer 1

Well, what "they" say is opposites attract... what they don't say is that they rarely last. Yes, the excitement of being with someone who is the opposite of you is thrilling and new, however, a lasting relationship is usually built on similar common/core values and interests...So maybe finding someone completely opposite of you is not the answer, but maybe you haven't met the right person yet... and that's why you are losing interest...

Answer 2

I'm not sure there is a definitive rule for this question. I think it depends on what you share in common and what you disagree on. Is one a communicator and settles things, and the other gives the silent treatment and harbors grudges? Is one a cynical person and the other tends to see the good in most things? Is one demanding and the other the giver? Is one a spender and one a saver? These are important issues that could divide a person over time. But, one person may be a lot like the other person in interests, goals, and many other type of things, and be able to compliment the other. If one hates to talk and the other is a chatterbox, that could be a long- term problem as one may resent the other who doesn't talk, or talks too much.

I personally don't hang around with bitter, cynical people who don't appreciate life because it would drag me down. I don't always have to hang out with people just like me, but I like to think that I would be with someone who shares the same important values and attributes of compassion, caring for others, and shares my basic belief in life. Never would I be with someone who did not care enough to communicate with me.

I wouldn't put a relationship in a box to the point that they have to be "like you", or "not like you" but give some serious thought as to "what" differences you are both willing to want to accept.. Perhaps you both could, should, talk about this, and if it doesn't work out then just learn from it. She might find you annoying too. It doesn't always mean you can't stay interested in one person, ( could be though, if it keeps happening) this may or may not be the right person. But maybe you should check your own expectations of others. Maybe you don't tolerate it well when people are less than exactly the way you want/ hope they'll be. I hope you'll talk with her if she will discuss those things.. Constantly running away can become a life long habit. Better to learn and grow if possible. Best Wishes...

Answer 3

Neither. Someone just like you is likely to be boring, and in the case of (for example) two shy people, you'd get a lot of nothing but silence.

You ought to have the same or similar core values so the important things will be those you agree on, but have enough differences to keep things interesting.

If you are shy, then an extrovert is likely to be a good match and balance for you. If you are an outgoing chatty person, then someone more quiet and laid back would be a good match, rather than a talker who would compete with you for attention and word count.

Personalities should complement one another, not be too much the same or so very different (like a homebody and a party girl) that they just can't find middle ground to meet on and have fun.

Answer 4

It takes a mixture. You need common ground. Common interests are not important. Common outlook on life, logic, politics, intelligence, and religion is important. Those are the things that allow people to get along, unless you agree to disagree and don't argue about it. Liking the same music or food, same job, colors, etc., while can help with closeness, should not be a priority.

Arguing over small things is a bad sign. Arguing too much regardless of the issue is also a bad sign.

Answer 5

In my opinion its better to be with someone like you downfall is that being alike is that sometimes you will argue cause u r so much alike but to be with someone opposite of u i guess it could work but i think that no common interests or feelings can lead to heartbreak cause there are things u need to connect on.I mean people that get together and r alot alike work cause they tend to feel the same and ya maybe you'll get into it but u wouldn't fight if ya didn't care about each other.No 2 peple r exactly alike and so u can can have the same interests but be different.I geuss it depends on what u r looking for a life partner or a date

Answer 6

Good morning Big Dog, This Q is complex as a total.
Some one said on here simply go with your heart, I believe that to be true. Opposites do attract, and can be life lasting
depends on how much fire and passion you want in your life!!
At my husband's death we were married for 45 years, Out
ward we were "Opposite" Inward we were the same. Yes! we
argued. He had boundless energy, I layed back, He could move me when it was needed, I could quiet him when he needed it. (at times we could do neither) He loved sports, I
could care less. We both enjoyed out doors and water sports.
Gathering with friends and family. Relationships are give and
take, as well not 50/50---100/100.-----Love truly is the
answer, Some one you meet you just can not live with out, No matter of your differences outward, It is how much are you alike with in that counts, values, morals, principles, kindness,
I always thought through out marriage, there are always, what
I called "kinks" that needed to be worked out. You have to keep growing together for each other, as what you think today you may not think tommorrow, Relationships are a full
time, life time job, and you will have differences and argue
etc. Need to give each other space needed along the way,
In the end the victory!!! is love remained, inspite of us.
good luck on your journey. Blessings

Answer 7

I prefer to date people that are somewhat like me as in interests, but still different. I think it would be boring to date someone just like me. There needs to be some kind of opposition. But, I've dated opposites and we argue too. So, I guess it's all a matter of taste. I think it's nice not having everything in common. It gives you a new view on things.

Answer 8

~This has always been a problem for me too.

I have a dual personality and their both opposites, so I never know if I'm dating someone with an opposite personality, which side of me are they the opposite of?

If they're the same, well then, same as which one of me?

But what really worries me is if I date someone who actually is the same as both of my personalities. That would be like dating myself.

Oh god, that's just too scary to think about. I think I'll crawl back in my hole and stay there. It's too risky.

Answer 9

Listen to your heart. If the person is a good person and you get along with them, you'll find you have things in common. If there's nothing in common, then I don't believe long term will ever work. As you know, I have similarities and differences with my guy. Sometimes they cause stress, but when someone can see you across a crowded room and read your mind, it's the most amazing thing in the world.

Answer 10

I think it's important for people to have a lot of things in common, some of the same views, opinins and values in life make you kind of connect with a person. But I think that things should be opposite when it comes to different temperments sometimes...like my boyfriend is very laid back while I get emotional and blow up at the simplest things...he helps me relax and stay calm. And then he's indescisive and I help him find solutions. We balance each other out.