Did I go too far? Did I do the right thing?

Question

I'm 22 and 8 weeks pregnant with my first child by my boyfriend. He has two children from a previous marriage. When he found out I was pregnant he was livid. (It wasn't planned, I was on birth control for a reason.) He almost convinced me to have an abortion but I couldn't do it. Since we found out he has not been supportive at all and has acted very cold and distant from me. So, I told him that since he has no interest in this child whatsoever that I was offering him a deal: I will move out and when the baby is born I will send him papers to terminate his parental rights. He can forget all about me and he can move on with his life and he won't have any responsibility. I want this baby, so I'll raise it. I'm not going to ask for child supprt. I don't my baby feeling like an obligation nor do I want this baby to feel resented because his/her Father didn't want it. My Father thinks I've lost my mind that I should force him to be responsible, What do you think?

BTW- I am not waiting until the baby is born to move out, that is happening next weekend. I'm waiting until the baby is born to serve him papers. I have a good, stable office job with wonderful insurance. I make $1,400 a month and I do qualify for some state assistance with child care. As for child support, he's hinted that he might be unable to pay it, what with paying his child support for his two children already.

Answer 1

Regardless of how he feels, it took two to conceive a child. I agree with your father. You say you don't want you baby to feel like an obligation, but that is totally up to you and what you tell him or her. The child will have questions about his/her father when they get older, and you are potentially setting yourself up for them to feel resentment towards you. He needs to be responsible for the child. If you don't have private insurance, and you use government assistance, chances are you will have to pursue support anyway. As far as visitation, the dad probably won't be in the picture much if at all anyway. Best of wishes to you. Follow your heart for what is right for your child and set your anger and disappointment aside. I'm a single mom and it is not easy to raise a child alone.

Answer 2

I think you should get child support from him. He is irresponsible and you are letting him get away from it. Your child deserves to be supported whether or not he has a life with the father. You deserve the financial help whether or not you don't want him in your life. Just because he pays child support doesn't mean he can't "go on with his life". He can forget about you even if he pays child support. And if you feel like this about him, why are you waiting until you have the baby to move out? It's not just that your baby would be an obligation, it's the law. And it's the law for a reason. You don't know what the future holds. What if you really regret later that you didn't take the money? What if you lose your job? What if something medically is wrong with your child? You are giving up way too much just because you may feel hurt and bitter about your ex. Take the money. It's offered by law for a reason. Don't cut yourself off short. You can always cancel it later.

Answer 3

Sorry you are going through this, even if he signs his parental rights over, he may still have to pay child support. It is a strict law in most states. DON'T FORCE HIM TO BE A DAD though. Sounds like he is too immature to the dad for the ones he has. If your child will not be loved by him, don't even think you can make him change. As for child support though, that goes by state, not by you, if you can support it, don't pursue it, but if you can't and babies cost more money than you may think. I wish you the very best in whatever you do though.

Answer 4

I would let him have his freedom but don't let him sign away his parental rights, you never know what will happen in the future and you owe it to the baby to raise it in a comfortable lifestyle - you could lose your job and be without an income for a little while and you could be collecting child support. If you allow him to sign away his rights, you can't go after him later. This baby wasn't planned so let it be a lesson that you can't count on all your plans working out the way you want them too. I would only allow him out of his parental duties once you meet a decent man and he wants to adopt. good luck with this.

Answer 5

You are doing the right thing. Any man can be a father but it takes a very special kind of a man to be a DADDY. You can not force him to be a daddy. I am sure that your parents do not understand where you are coming from but take it from someone who knows, you can raise a child by yourself. It helps when your family is supportive but you can't make that happen either. You have chosen a very difficult road but as long as you have faith in yourself you can accomplish anything.

Good luck to you dear I wish you the best of luck

Answer 6

If he already has two kids and he is acting like that about having another one...you probably aren't going to change his mind. He knows what the responsibility is like and he doesn't want anything to do with it so I definitely think you are doing the right thing especially with thinking of how the child would feel with being in a situation like that.

Answer 7

he is acting like a child, i understand that you don't want the child to feel rejected he may be better off alone. but he should take some responsibility even if he signed over his rights he could still be forced to pay child support.

Answer 8

I think that sounds like a fine idea as long as you can afford this child on your own. It doesn't sound like he plans on being any sort of a parent, and if you get child support from him, you are opening up the chance of visitation.

Answer 9

I agree with your father. You have no idea if this will be a healthy child, or even one child. Don't let him off the hook right away unless you are completely prepared to face the future alone.

Answer 10

No thats the best way!!!!

Gud luk hope it all works out