should a mother ever be forgiven for leaving her child?

Question

i went to a part, when i was 14, got a girl pregnant (i had never met her before that night.) she called me three weeks later, said she was pregnant, it was mine. i was in year 9. she was 17, had graduated, and was almost 18. i decided to do the right thing and stayed with her, as i had alway been taught that abortion where wrong, convnvced vher to keep it and we would work something out. when i told my parents they kicked me out, so i had to stay with different friends every week, some times i slept in the street if i coulent find a place to stay. i quit school, got a job and started doing a nigh course to become a mechanic. that course took 5 years to complete, as i had very little highschool education. the time came and lana gave birth to our baby girl. we got an apartment together, and things went alright, me and lana didnt date, and we wernt a couple through this time. when our daughter was one month old lana went down to the store and didnt come back. she left me, 14, almost 15 with a baby. i had never met her parents, and mine wanted nothing to do with me. one of my friends mums decided that i couldent be living there with my baby, and moved me into her house, and paid for everything so that i could stay home and work. then i had a falling out with my friend, her son when my daughter was 1 and i was 15 so i moved out again, got parttime work and daycare for my baby girl. now i am 29, and kell is almost 15. i will never forgive her mother, but i want her to come back and meet her daughter, i have tried to find her for the past 8 years with no sucsess.

i am worried that if kell does get to meet her mother than lana will just leave her again, but now she will be old enough to remember, i dont want her to get hurt again.

Answer 1

I may be able to help you locate Kell's mom. I do genealogy and usually am sucessful at finding people. If you are wanting help please message me my yahoo id is the same as here. I am not and will not ask for any money, I do things like this to help people out.

I do commend you on your actions of raising your daughter! You have done more than what some men I know have ever done for their chidlren. Mom should be forgiven, but only when you are truely ready to forgive her. We all did not make great choices everytime in our young lives. Some day I am sure someday you and your daughter will find in your hearts to forgive the mom.

Answer 2

I believe it should be between the daughter and mother.
From an outsider's view, I feel your anger.
I sympathize with you. The fact is though, that I've only heard your side of the story. Don't let this happen to your daughter. Let her decide w/o hearing all the bad things she's done to you. In time, this will all come out, but you don't want to make your daughter bitter with you.
It seems you have all the hard times you went through memorized. I think you should first and foremost forgive yourself, then forgive Lana. Only when your happy w/yourself will you be able to recognize any good in Lana.
And I'm sure there's something in her...be optimistic.

"If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry."

"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."

--Dalai Lama

I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 3

It is hard to say someone should never be forgiven, but that is about as close as you can come to an unforgivable action in my view. My father left us when I was 7 and has been in only limited contact with us since then and at times I would never hear anything for several years at a time. Though I have talked with him at times I have never really forgiven him or gotten over it. I think you would be completely justified if you never did. Though I think the biggest step you can take is when you can move beyond it yourself. Not saying you should forgive him but I know a big point for me was when I realized I had to stop letting anger or feelings about him and what he did determine or affect my life. Though it sounds like you might be doing well in that area. In the end it is his loss.

Answer 4

WOW! First I want to tell you how remarkably sad, but couragious your story is. A lot of young teens with parents are not able to raise a child and finish school, let alone hold down a job and manage to get through the everyday struggles that life brings to them.

I am not sure what you should really do as far as contacting your child's mother. Its one of them deals where she left not only you without a reason, but your daughter as well and has never tried to contact you since. That is something that even I dont think I could ever forgive a person for, however, if God can forgive us for our sins, then we are humans can do the same.

Has your daughter ever asked about her mother? What have you told her? My son's father (granted he is only 3) has never really been in the picture. It has been a solid year since they last seen each other. I gave up with phone calls and trying to make arangement for the two to be together because in the end, my son's father could never commit to our son. As much as it hurts me for my son in the long run, I remind myself how precious my litle boy is and that is his father wasnt ready to be a dad then, why should I give him the chance at his convenience? As for you, its been 15 years right? If your daughter wants to meet her mother, then I would give her the information of ways to "try" to get in touch with her, however I would tell her to be open minded about finding her. Her mother may have walked out and damn her for doing so to your daughter, but she may not want to be found either. Or things could be the complete opposite and she may have felt guilty and wanted to meet her daughter but didnt know how.

Either way, you have a daughter who knows that you were there always. I would let things be the way that they are. If its meant to be with your daughter and her mother, then it will happen on its own. Being as how you have tried to find her for the past 8 weeks and had no luck, then I woud let it at that and continue to do your part and raise your daughter. When she is older, she can do as she wishes. Good luck!

Answer 5

I commend you for stepping up to the plate and being a real man! I understand that you want your daughter to meet her mother, but at the same time can be hard for the daughter to accept her... My mother left my sister and I when we were 15 and it is hard to accept the fact still... I think the best thing would be to let your daughter try and find her if she wants to meet her.. Just stay strong for your daughter! Best wishes!

Answer 6

Life is too short to hold a graudge or always stay mad. At some point in your life you have to let go of all that anger, and resentment. I could not imagine how it was raising a child so young. but sounds like your doing good. If she wants to meet her mom, help her...but if she don't at the time don't push it.


what happen to her parents? did they have apart in the child's life.

Answer 7

I don't have much to say, but does Kell want to meet her? Have you talked to her about it? Does she know what happened?

Secondly, I want to applaud you. You did an excellent thing, carring for you daughter at such a young age. She's lucky to have you.

Answer 8

Dave is right on the 1000 women in the same situation. It would be interesting to rephrase the question to a father leaving, and see if the responses are different.

Answer 9

Well, if you can't find her, she can't meet her. You don't know her reasons for leaving; what was going on in her head. There is healing in forgiveness. You've done your best to be everything to your daughter. Good luck.

Answer 10

I think she should be forgiven when you and the child are ready. She was very young, and probably very mixed up and just didn't know what to do. When she has aged a little and thought more about her actions, she will likely be very sorry.