Do you think a Father should ever be forgiven for leaving his child?

Question

My Dad left my Mother and me when I was 3 years old to have an affair and hasnt been in contact since.
I would never want contact with him now anyway after what he did because he isn't worth my time in my opinion but do you think a Father(or Mother for that matter) should ever be forgiven for leaving their children?

Answer 1

okay so i say no! they sould never be forgiven, im going to practically tell you my life story, so that you can understand why.

i went to a part, when i was 14, got a girl pregnant (i had never met her before that night.) she called me three weeks later, said she was pregnant, it was mine. i was in year 9. she was 17, had graduated, and was almost 18. i decided to do the right thing and stayed with her, as i had alway been taught that abortion where wrong, convnvced vher to keep it and we would work something out. when i told my parents they kicked me out, so i had to stay with different friends every week, some times i slept in the street if i coulent find a place to stay. i quit school, got a job and started doing a nigh course to become a mechanic. that course took 5 years to complete, as i had very little highschool education. the time came and lana gave birth to our baby girl. we got an apartment together, and things went alright, me and lana didnt date, and we wernt a couple through this time. when our daughter was one month old lana went down to the store and didnt come back. she left me, 14, almost 15 with a baby. i had never met her parents, and mine wanted nothing to do with me. one of my friends mums decided that i couldent be living there with my baby, and moved me into her house, and paid for everything so that i could stay home and work. then i had a falling out with my friend, her son when my daughter was 1 and i was 15 so i moved out again, got parttime work and daycare for my baby girl. now i am 29, and kell is almost 15. i will never forgive her mother, but i want her to come back and meet her daughter, i have tried to find her for the past 8 years with no sucsess.
cheers dahl,
joel.

Answer 2

It is hard to say someone should never be forgiven, but that is about as close as you can come to an unforgivable action in my view. My father left us when I was 7 and has been in only limited contact with us since then and at times I would never hear anything for several years at a time. Though I have talked with him at times I have never really forgiven him or gotten over it. I think you would be completely justified if you never did. Though I think the biggest step you can take is when you can move beyond it yourself. Not saying you should forgive him but I know a big point for me was when I realized I had to stop letting anger or feelings about him and what he did determine or affect my life. Though it sounds like you might be doing well in that area. In the end it is his loss.

Answer 3

My dad left when I was 4 and my brother was 3 days old. He had no contact with us until I turned 12 and he turned back up wanting visitation with us. I went for as long as I had to and then stopped. I am 25 and I still don't forgive him for it. My brother on the other hand, has forgiven him and they have a good relationship. My only contact with him is through my brother and my half-sister.

Answer 4

I was told that my father left when I was 2, to go off with another woman. This was only for me to find out when I turned 15 or 16 that I was only really told this because my mother was so angry at him. She cut off contact with him, and he thought it would be better to stay away and not make contact until I was old enough to make my own decisions.

I'm not saying what your dad did was right or wrong, I'm simply saying that you should ALWAYS listen closely to their side of the story and then make a decision from there. If you choose to not forgive him then thats your decision, but definitely at least speak to him and hear what he has to say.

Answer 5

That's a tough one. Forgiveness is such a deep and personal issue. Some say it's necessary for one's own mential and emotional health - because the anger connected with not forgiving will eat you up, not him. I think most people have little slices of pain in their lives that cannot be forgiven. Personally, I don't think there is any excuse for a parent walking out on a child. You can walk out on your spouse; it happens - but your child? No.

BUT - the key is not whether or not you forgive him, but how you let this affect you for the rest of your life.

In my opinion, if you can forgive him, it's better for you. But don't feel that just because you forgive him that you owe him anything. You don't. And you don't have to make any room for him in your life, either. He chose to walk away, he chose to stay out of your life. You have that choice as well. Forgiveness is just letting go of the anger - by no means does it mean you are telling him what he did was ok. It was not. But if you can forgive, let go of the anger, and move on (with or without him), it would be better for you. Harboring anger has a way of changing a person. Don't let his stupidity and lack of responsibility damage you. You're better than that. :)

Answer 6

Ceri
if you can forgive him, do so,

but forgiveness does not mean you go run out and try to start something up again. The hurt that you feel at abandonment, and yes, I think I would have a lot is best dealt with if you can forgive them. I have been trying to forgive someone for decades and every time i think I'm getting there, they pull some other stunt and just re-enforce my judgment that they are cancerous. It makes forgiving them all the harder.

I would tell you that if you can, do so, but you may spend the rest of your life trying as i'm doing.

I hope your life is not too jaded by his actions. I wish you the best life you can have.

Answer 7

Okay my father didn't leave my family but cheated on my mom several times, and I still have a hard time forgiving him to this day. Should he be probably it would be healthier for me if I could but it screwed me up in relationship royally.

My daughters father, now my husband, we were both really really young when I got pregnant with her and he left me. Walked away wanted nothing to do wtih either of us till about 6 years ago when he got married and his wife (now ex) decided she didn't want child support coming out of his check anymore and they tried to take custody. Then he disappeared again. This past janurary he contatcted me and we began talking, aboutthe past, what had happened ect. And I was able to forgive him, mostly b/c I know ho wscared he was, I felt the same way. And as much as I love my daughter if I could have walked away I would have. So how can I blame someone for doing the same thing I woud have done.

Answer 8

My daughter is 26 and though she doesn't act out, she is not over being abandoned by her father. You are incorrect in your conclusion. Not everyone is like you. Some girls, especially, are permanently damaged from being left by their fathers. You lack empathy and I think are a bit unkind. BTW, he could have contacted them at any time (telephones, you know) and he didn't until you encouraged him to. He's a terrible father, imo, and maybe in her opinion, too. EDIT: You can't make up for abandoning a child. You just pick up when you resume contact. You are making light of this.

Answer 9

yes, but only when you are ready to forgive someone who seriously let you down at a tender age - and no-one should tell you when you should be ready for this.

However, while you're under no obligation to forgive your father until you're ready (if ever), you owe it to yourself mostly to at least give him a chance (perhaps many) to get to know you on your own terms, and for you to learn who your father really is. As long as he doesn't take advantage of you in the process and abuse your goodwill, I think it is the healthiest thing for any woman to get to know who her father really is, since it can have such a strong influence on her relationships with other men throughout her life.

After struggling with alcoholism until he was 40 years old, my father eventually got sober for his kids - as much as for himself - and he made every effort to connect with each of his children in a healthy way once he got his life reasonably together. It worked beautifully, and I had an enormous amount of respect and affection for my father. It doesn't always work out this way for everyone, but unless you're willing to accept that parents are only human and move on from the distant past, you'll never know what else is possible.

Answer 10

my father left when i was 17... i wasnt as young as most people but i still wont forgive him.
what my dad did was horrible, he hurt my mum, my 3 sisters and me and the things we had to go through was very tough.
if you knew the full story you would be shocked to find out what has happened...
anyway, im 24 now and happily married and the main reason why i wont forgive my dad is that if i forgive him for what he did to me and my family, then i would have to forgive my husband if he ever did the same thing and that just wont happen.
my sisters have all forgiven him and started to talk to him again but it kind of fizzled out!!!