Am I a psycho?

Question

I seem to have this problem when I get into a relationship, at about the three month stage. Before that stage, I am cool as cucumber, devil may care, laid back and all. Then suddenly I get gripped by insane doubt, jealousy and paranoia. I try not to let on that it's what I'm feeling, but I'll get worried if he doesn't call, I'll constantly worry about his exes and female friends, to the point where I can't properly enjoy the relationship. What switches me into this wreck? And how do you go about feeling secure with a boyfriend?

Answer 1

how do you go about feeling secure with a boyfriend? by being secure with yourself. I dont know your background, childhood and all but were your parents divorced? did u lose someone you loved abruptly? what you may be feeling is a fear of abandonment. The love you felt for the person you lost in the past is similar to the feelings you may be having now for your current B/F. In the begining you dont have that strong attachment to him, the after you get close to him feelings kick in and subconsiously you brain kicks into a defensive mode. Its our minds way of protecting ourselves from experienceing a feeling that was very negative to us. The problem with that is you sabotge things with out reakiing it. This behavior may have worked when you were a kid tp protect yourself. It is no longer a productive response to fear. Nothing in life is certain. Life is a series of risks. You cant shut yourself down forever cause someone hurt you in the past. All that does is allow that person to keep hurting you over and over again. You have to take copntrol of your life. realize that your b/f is not your dad/mom or whoever hurt you in the past and open up. Life is a series of lessons. From every bad experience you can draw something postive out of it. It is not fair to your b/f . You need to understand where this fear is coming from. talk to a therapist. Learn how to deal with it. Hypothetically what would happen to you if you allowed this relationship to grow, you both fell in love head over heals then suddenly one day he wakes up and decides you and him are over. what will happen to you? will you die? NO, will the whole world come crashing down and destroy you? NO. you will live, that which doesnt klll you makes you stronger. what will happen is you will go through some very horrible painful feelings that will get better with time. You will experience the 7 stages of grief, like if someone dies. we go through the Same feelings of grief. You will look back at the relationship and see where mistakes were made and learn to not repeat them next time. I look at dating like a dress rehearsal for my future husband. I get to work all the kinks out before we meet! I learned the hard way. I got married, sabotaged the marrige, which wasnt hard cause i choose a man who is incapable of loveing another human being. but i did learn why i chose man like that and what caused me to do the things i did. same thing fear of abandonment. If i screwed things up first then i wouldnt get hurt. I always thought the hammer is going to fall anyway so i may as well get the ball rolling. i dint realize i was doing these things, i just did them. it was a destructive way of life for me. i hated having relationship after relatiponship end painfully. I decided that i had to make changes in myself in order to stop hurting myself. I, single now,more secure and i def have a very good idea of the type of man i dont want. You may be seeking out men who will hurt you without realizing it. what i do now is take risks, if i like someone i will reach out, take a chace and ask him for out for coffee, whats the worst that can happen? he says no, oh well next. well i hope this helped a bit, you can ermail me anytime if you need to tal, lisa. [e-mail]

Answer 2

I dont think you are psycho. I think three months is about the time frame where you have gotten so dependant on the person, that you fear losing them. Try keeping the relationship from becoming so dependant, and you will delay those feelings. You probably have security issues, based on some self-perceived weakness or flaw. By the third month, you have shared that with the guy, and now you need constant assurance that he is ok with it. It is hard to not be "needy" if you are a "needy" type person. Some will always need assurance. I think that it is also a "trust" issue. Maybe you had bad experiences in the past, and you keep expecting it to happen again. Be careful that you are not the cause of the problem, by being too clingy and demanding. This scares some guys off.

My suggestion, take your time with the next guy. Dont rush things. See if you can take 4 or 5 months to reach this point with him, and then on the next guy maybe you can go 6 or 8, until eventually you can plainly see the cause of the problem, and eliminate it completely.

Answer 3

You're not a psycho. This problem is very common. It's the seriousness of "getting serious" that makes you feel this anxiety. The solution is to ask yourself whether you really need to be serious.

If you're seeing this person as THE person -- the guy you're going to marry or the guy who answers all your dreams -- it's going to make you stressed out. That's heavy. On the other hand, if you see this person as someone you're meeting on the road of life, you can enjoy the things this person has to offer. You take all of the good things ... his generosity, his sense of humor, his good looks ... and you appreciate them while you have them.

Then, you let him be him and trust him to be a good friend ... which will either a) make him feel trusted and make him like you even more because you're treating him like a friend and adult or b) he'll use the opportunity to do hurtful things like cheat ... in which case you can let him go.

So don't see him as the Be All and End All. Enjoy him like you would any friend. And if he's a bad friend, then you don't want him as a friend anyway, right? It's that easy. At some point, we all outgrow friends ... and people who are more than friends ... and move on to new people who are just as fun and exciting.

Don't get hung up on a Prince Charming. Everyone knows the world is full of princes.

Answer 4

Ok, first of all NO you are not a psycho.

Second of all, all women feel this, maybe not to your level, but to certain level.

The reason is, you don't really care for the other person in the beginning of the relationship, thats why you're calm and collected in the beginning.
Then when you start caring for the person, you get obsessed right?
Well first of all, look in the mirror long and hard. Find one thing that you adore on your face or your body. Just say, for example, I have pretty soft lips, and how that accentuate your other features and focus on that.
Second, talk to your date. Ask them just casual questions like, what do you think of jealousy, do you think you can still be friends with your ex, have you felt real love???
Questions that will open up his views to you, so you can tell if he is the type to cheat or go back to his ex girlfriend etc...

Then after you decide that, take a deep breath, and trust him, because he chose you over other girls, and if you stayed together 3 months then you must be someone he wants to be with...

Talking and asking questions, casually, should help the most.
Girls rule :-)

Answer 5

Hey, im a guy who has been in several relationships with women with this problem. I got a couple questions I want you to ask yourself. Did your parents get a divorce? Did they ever marry? Who abandoned you in your past. You are not psycho okay....some people may tell you that you are but dont listen to them. You have been emotionally hurt somewhere in your past. If that isnt the case then you have a self esteem issue. Ask yourself and answer yourself honestly ----Do I have low self esteem? Am I insecure about myself, my family, my friends, my education? Do you feel like other people have things together better than you do??? If that is the case you need to take some serious steps and start developing some skills....like hobbies.....specialize in something and take pride in it so it will help your self esteem. EXERCISE!!! This is the best thing for battling depression, which you might also be suffering from. Being in shape will build self esteem, help you to be less insecure and thus will improve your ability to have a successful relationship. Remember that I only tell you these things because I have been through them myself and have seen other battle the same issues. God Bless you. And remember that a life modeled after Jesus Christ is the key to a wonderful life.

Answer 6

I have the exact same problem, everything leading up to the actual relationship seems fine! And then suddenly I become a complete dragon lady!

One thing NOT to do is constantly pick on yourself, or apologise to your significant other profusely - because chances are they haven't noticed or it doesn't bother them.

One thing to do would be to constantly remind yourself that they are with you for a reason! Why waste time worrying about exes and female friends when you COULD be enjoying the time you do have - no matter how long that time is.

The good thing is that you know yourself that these doubts are baseless, and aren't truly paranoid - or psycho :]

Answer 7

Huh, I don't know exactly. It almost sounds like you might be subconsciously sabotaging your relationships. Like there's some part of you that doesn't want your relationships to succeed and grow, and so you cause chaos for yourself, destroy the relationship and then start the cycle all over again.

There could be all kinds of psychological issues at work here. Are you used to this pattern of broken relationships, maybe as being something you experienced with your family growing up? Are you dating the right kind of guys, or are you picking guys that you really don't like, and then realize this 3 months into the relationship?

You're probably not a psycho, but it might be good for you to get some counseling from somebody with a psychology background, or just to talk to a qualified person about it.

Answer 8

No, not psycho, but let me ask this. Have you ever caught your boyfriend eying another chick, or one of his ex-girlfriends flirting with him? If so, then you have a reason to have doubt in him. If he has never cheated on you or had any sense of double crossing you, then you should trust him. Trust and honesty is key in a relationship. Once you catch him in the act, then you have rights to doubt.

You probably feel this way because it has happened in past experience, correct? If not, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe you believe that a man would automatically cheat or double-cross you in a relationship, because that's just a human thing. "Alls fair in love and war," as the saying goes.

Answer 9

American elegance - between the main suitable action pictures ever to be released and, together as the different 2 are completely good action pictures, they're going to by no skill come on the fringe of Sam Mendes' masterpiece. BQ: it relatively is totally close, yet i could in all danger say it relatively is greater useful, sure - Edward Norton's overall performance is surprising, and the action picture deals with some very debatable messages nicely. BBQ: American elegance / Donnie Brasco / Black Swan (i comprehend Black Swan is hated via some human beings, yet i presumed it became right into a great, yet diverse, action picture that went places different action pictures won't).

Answer 10

Being secure about yourself will be what makes you feel secure about your relationship. And no, this is not a form of psychosis, it is a problem with accepting commitment. There is no set formula people go by in relationships. Everyone has a different psyche.Or, maybe all these guys are just jerks. Look into yourself and your past, and be honest. You can never truly lie to yourself anyway. You probably know, just never think about it.

Answer 11

Sorry Katrina, but there's really nothing YOU can do.

All people have a free will, and I don't know what to tell you. I actually hope your being paranoid for no reason.

To go about feeling secure? Well, it's all in the guy. How many absolute soul-mates have you dated yet? There's someone for everyone. Perhaps you should focus on finding better boyfriends that you feel, in the bowels of your sub-conscious, that you can trust him.

We who hold on tightly for all eternity, with every reason to do so...We have a rare gift. Rather, we are a rare gift.