We want a little attention...but nobody's throwin' the parties?

Question

My fiance and I would love a bridal/wedding shower or an engagement party -- not for the presents, just for the fun and celebration. Unfortunately, none of our families/friends are the types to throw parties -- they just aren't the type to think of it. We don't have a big wedding party and our honor attendants are all out of town, too -- so none of our local friends or relatives have a "title" that would hint to them that it's their responsibility.

Is there a good way way to hint that we would love for someone to throw us a party? Is it poor form if we directly ask his parents? (They would be the most likely candidates....) Should we just expect to throw ourselves our own engagement/shower/bachelorette shindigs? I hear about these expensive spa trips and crazy bridal themes...we really don't want the pricey stuff...just a little get-together so we can take a break from all the planning and feel like our love is celebrated.

Answer 1

Host a potluck-type party where everyone brings a favorite dish and a recipe card for the dish that you can put into a small photo album. Tell folks the size the card needs to be (4"x6" is usual enough that you can get a simple plastic-sleeve flip album that will hold all of the cards and keep them clean if you ever decide to use those recipes yourself) and make it clear no other presents are expected or solicited -- just the card with that recipe written on it. You provide the beverage, the paperware and flatware and the locale. It's a good way to socialize and have folks congratulate you without looking like you're fishing for presents. If you say "no gifts" at all, some folks ignore that and think you want gifts but are trying to be polite. If you specify a simple gift (in this case, the recipe written out on a card) most folks will believe you that this is all you want from them. This is also the type of party to which men and women are traditionally invited.

Yes, traditionally. In some areas, having this type of party for a bride-to-be is very traditional.

Answer 2

It's great to throw your own engagement party. If you'd like your families' help, ask for it. There's nothing wrong with asking to hold the party at your future in laws' home or asking for help paying for things. If you're after a break from planning, send out something simple asking people to bring a dish. All you have to do is pop open a bottle of wine and prop up a picture of the two of you.

A close member of your family shouldn't host your wedding shower and neither should you because it seems too much like you're asking for gifts--or putting your mom up to it. If many of the people you'd have at a shower are out of town, try talking to your attendants about organizing something else. A lot of people in this situation have card showers or phone showers where everyone contacts you at a given time to offer their congratulations.

If all else fails, have an engagement party/wedding shower for two. Take a day or a weekend off from the wedding mess and do something you both enjoy. Give each other a gift. Don't talk about the wedding at all. Eat something delicious.

Answer 3

Sorry but if you invite people to an engagement party, it really does look like you're desperate. If your folks are happy about the engagement, then it is up to them to invite people over to meet your fiance. (That's the purpose, you know!) Engagement parties are done by families to introduce friends and relatives to meet the newcomer. No gifts! It can be a cocktail party or small luncheon but the invitation should be explicit. John and Mary are thrilled about the engagement of their daughter. Please drop in .... between 6 and 8 to meet our future son-in-law! Both sets of parents can do this for you. Just ask! If money is tight due to costs of upcoming wedding, you can suggest they throw the open house but that you will supply the food and drinks. And, for heavens sakes, keep it SIMPLE!! As for bridal showers, it is surprising that none of your friends are doing this! Perhaps you have overlooked someone in asking them to be bridesmaid? If all your attendants are out-of-town and none of your friends has been asked to participate, then you have caused your own problem. Why don't you find the most outgoing gal in your office or circle of friends, take hr to lunch, tell her that as a matter of tradition, the bridesmaids are all relatives but you would LOVE IT if she would take charge of the guest book or be the chief welcomer at the church...or come along with you as you select some things. You may get a pleasant surprise when SHE pops up with a shower.

Answer 4

If you recently became engaged then you can host your very own engagement party. You do not need anyone to "host" this party. And it is held up to two months after it's official.

The bridal shower should be held closer to the actual wedding date. However- I didn't have a bridal shower myself. And I don't feel like I missed out on anything as every single item on my registry was bought as a wedding present. I didn't send out registry cards either. I even had a very small wedding. I think the karma that I wasn't ASKING for anything brought me everything I could have wanted.

But if you really want a party- there is nothing stopping you from throwing a little celebration yourself.

Answer 5

Engagement parties are generally hosted by parents of the bride or groom or other relatives. I think it's in bad taste to host your own or even hint that you want one. If no one throws one, then you do without. You're adults and will have lots of "share the love" attention at your wedding. (My parents aren't the type to host an engagement party either--I don't even know if they've *heard* of them, and I am doing without.)

As for showers, definitely do not throw your own! The point of a shower is to shower you with gifts. It's really really tacky to host your own shower to shower yourself with gifts.

Re. bachelorette parties: They're typically organized by the MOH. But I don't see anything wrong with organizing your own. Well, that's 1 out of 3. :-)

Answer 6

If I were you I would just hold an engagement party at your home. Just a BBQ, or similar. An excuse for a get together and it would probably satisfy your desire to celebrate.
It is a shame that nobody is interested in throwing this for you. Maybe they will get the hint when you start planning a party and feel guilty and take over.
I dont know that i would be asking anyone to host a party for you tho, it would be easier to do it yourself.

Answer 7

Are you serious?! First of all engagement parties are tacky. You want a bunch of people to have a party to celebrate the fact that in a year they will all get back together and have another party. As for the showers, they are very expensive. The person who throws the party is out hundreds, if not a thousand dollars, when it is all said and done. Any party that is held, people will bring gifts, even if you don't ask for them. Your wedding is the celebration of your love. What more do you want? You aren't the first person to ever get married and your wedding isn't a big deal to anyone but you. The day after it's over you will realize that yourself. Everybody does.

Answer 8

maybe hint around that you're planning on having a party, maybe someone will get the idea and offer. just send out invites as an engagement-pre wedding party! gifts optional on the invite so they don't' think you're just in it for the presents (which you said you're not). make some cheap appetizers, buy a 1/4 barrel of beer or something and have fun! you can make a batch of whop for those who don't like beer.

Answer 9

I think it's a big odd that NO BODY wants to throw you these things.

Honestly, I don't think it's in bad form to ask your mother to plan a shower for you. It's your mother after all, if you can't be honest with her........then you don't have a healthy relationship.

Some people say it's in bad manners for a mother to throw the bridal shower. I say that dumb, in today's day and age, it should be a mother's responsiblity. It's too expensive to ask non family or aunts/cousins to spend so much money. IMO, it's a mother duty to throw her daughter a shower. Just like it's a daughter's duty to include mom in the wedding plans.

Answer 10

You can HINT to your wedding party or parents, but you cannot organize it yourselves.

You also should NOT be organizing an engagement party either.

Engagement/showers/parties (bachelor and bachelorette) are NOT to be organized by the bride and groom.