She is always always complaining about one thing or the other. Some days we have to work together and all day I just hear her ramble on about everything. It has gotten so old. Is there any polite words of advice I could give her?
2007-10-22 11:08:10 · 7 answers · asked by Laura 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Generally, advice is not usually received and heeded the first time, constructive criticism fares even worse, especially when you will sound like a hypocrite complaining about her complaining. In addition, you are speaking of a character trait which is harder to change than just a bad habit. On the other hand, the chances of improvement with your silence are slim and none but can greatly improve if you just speak up. Now that your expectations are set appropriately, you just have to come up with a way that will be polite, professional, and motivating.
Use kind words, soft voice, and make an offer that shows a sacrifice from you to help solve the problem and that will humble the person so much, it will be hard for them to get angry at you. In addition, you can use an example to help them understand. Perhaps you can offer to buy her lunch at a decent restaurant. Halfway through the meal, tell her why she was invited to lunch. You want to know if there is anything going on in her life she needs to talk about. Keep digging for something negative, in a relationship with an ex, her mother in law, a recent doctor's exam, job security, financial burdens, etc. Then at some point, say, well, I just saw behavioral signs that indicate maybe you need to talk about something. Then mention some very recent examples that you have seen that day or the previous day. Remind her of the fable of the lion that roared and scared the animals away, then one day a mouse pulled a thorn from its paw and it became a gentle lion. It is unusual for somebody to complain as much as she does and you thought maybe there was some underlying issue, like a thorn in her paw, that she needed to take care of and you wanted to be more understanding of the issue or even listen if that would help.
I hope it works for you.
2007-10-22 11:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by Frank 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being polite won't get you anywhere; is she being polite to you? No. Some people are toxic; she is one of those, however, since you have to work with her you need to set her straight so there is no doubt in her mind you mean what you say and you can use a polite tone of voice. Tell her that everyone has problems, you have them too but you cannot listen to any more of hers because one, it is a distraction; two, it is negative energy; three, there is nothing you can do about it and four, you need to focus on your work and not her problems constantly.
Then if she still persists you will need to avoid her entirely or tell your boss.
2007-10-22 11:32:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advice is never heeded. You could try changing the subject to something more interesting. If she is negative, she may well drag you down and you could end up feeling lousy after weeks of her whingeing. All you can do that is polite really is talk about whatever you like to talk about, and maybe she'll get the hint that you aren't a whinger.
2007-10-22 11:13:28 · answer #3 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one concern i discover useful is to in a well mannered way disagree. a majority of those human beings often ***** approximately something and ever concern "i want greater hours they took away my shift" then interior the subsequent sentence "They called me on my destroy day to artwork, I artwork so confusing, its my destroy day" Say something like "I understand why you're dissatisfied, we've all been in that possession while they call you on a destroy day, yet they knew you have been searching for greater shifts and easy called and everyone else on the call checklist" Or in spite of the fact that the priority would desire to be, attempt to place a great spin on it. often a majority of those human beings merely want to ***** and it no exciting to ***** to somebody who would not consider what they are asserting.
2016-11-09 05:31:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away stay as far away as possible from here, she will drag you down with her. Toughen up on this one you are really worth more than that
2007-10-22 11:35:19 · answer #5 · answered by northcarrlight 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, tell her she really sounds unhappy with life and that she should really see a professional about it. Let her know that it is annoying and bringing you down.
2007-10-22 11:13:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you really don;t want to hear it and ignore her.
2007-10-22 11:15:25 · answer #7 · answered by Deborah S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋