Chrisitians do you find this with people with a lot of needs?

Question

I have a relative that is going through hell right now there is no nicer way to put it. I love her dearly. My gifting is encouragement and at times serving I dont have the gift of helps and sometimes when I am asked or requried to do more I get annoyed and I know this is wrong because Jesus took the time to die for my sins so I could be saved and go to heaven.

My question is this do you find people who are going though a lot and/or have a lot of needs to be very needy and demanding and that the cycle of thier neediness never seems to end?

Being said this what are good godly ways to have a Christ like attitude when these people need help? It is just sometimes dpressing helping people who are hostile neagive depressed and have little or not joy?

What is your take on this?

Answer 1

let me encourage you - when you have the gift of encouragement, which , by the way, I have as well, people who are needy, just seem to gravitate to us. God does put people in our lives that need that. HOWEVER- there is a down-side to the gift of encouragement. Before you wonder how could there be, if it is a gift from the Holy Spirit- the down-side is us. Just because someone needs our encouragement that does not mean we have to give of ourselves over and above what God would desire us to give. I had a friend who came to me ALL THE TIME- and it got me down, and then once I needed a friend to lean on and she was not there. The gift of encouragement does not mean we have to be a doormat to that person. Keeping a Christ like attitude, does not necessarily mean we have to "do" for these people all the time either- Jesus did not fill EVERY need of EVERY person while on earth did He? Sometimes we need to retreat and be refueled by His Spirit, before we can be any good to any one else. Also the gift of encouragement means exhorting the person too- promise them your support but never promise to do for them, what they can do for themselves. It is hard- I know!!!

Answer 2

Try to remember these people develop these needy, crabby, and bossy attitudes because they "know" it usually works to get what they "want". A lot of times people such as yourself get taken advantage of and you have to learn a little tough love. In other words you need to decide whether the person "wants" or "needs" and act appropriately. If they really "need" then do what you can to help. If they only "want" then tell them that you are here too help and you don't deserve to be treated like a servant, and if they don't change there attitude you will stop helping at all. I know it's going to be hard at first but regardless, you need to demand a little respect also. GOD BLESS you for the help you do give.

Answer 3

You have to learn the difference between helping and enabling.

There is only so much you can do for a person. You can't change them or their life, only they can. And most people don't change or if they try really, really hard, they can change a little after a long time.

Be there to give emotional support, but don't devote your whole life to saving theirs. Learn where to draw healthy boundries or all that ends up happening is that you are pulled down with them.

The best ways to help people who need big positive change are in The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Katherine Ponder, especially chapter 10, and Ruling Your World by Sakyong Mipham, especially chapter 2. (In fact, you can just read ch 2 of this book if you want...) Change will take time, and I mean years, not weeks. Again, it's better to give emotional support when they need it but learn how much to give without letting that person's problems take over your life. I don't think God will judge you for not throwing your whole life at someone else's problems, infact, you may be hurting them by letting them think that they don't have to work on the problem because you will always be there to fix every crisis for them. In a way it can re-inforce the bad behavior because everytime they have a crisis, they will know that you will come rushing to them to help and console them. It's called tough love. It sounds like you have a lot to learn, I hope you do well. Good luck.

Answer 4

Christians aren't the only folks that might have a stance on this one you know! And, by the way, Jesus didn't "take the time to die for my sins", it was His destiny! Seems to me that what gets confusing for most people is knowing the difference between empathy and compassion and the need to "fix" what's wrong with someone in pain. Let go of the need to have your relative get "fixed" by your empathetic words and you'll feel lightened and more able to be there more for them. Encouragement and empathy are only part of the healing process and your relative has to shift how they are thinking about what is bothering them in order to effect change. Perhaps a counselor can help, or medication, or a combination of the above. Problem is, we can have all the insight in the world about our problems and issues but if we aren't able or willing to take action to change them then we have nothing more than a whole lot of insight!!!! Good luck!

Answer 5

Well if it's someone you care about who does need the help, maybe actually step in there and do what you can. But you can also set a limit so you aren't exhausting yourself, especially if you feel that they are actually trying to get extra favors out of you. Be kind and available, let them know you will be happy to help when you are available and can do so.

And if it's someone who's like, a cancer patient, or something for real that needs help...don't allow it to be just you that is helping, that is too much for any one person. Get others involved and everyone can pitch in when they can.

Answer 6

Your relative may have a mental illness that needs treatment by a skilled doctor to get over the depression.

Getting over depression is a long process for some. You can figure out a way to encourage her but not let her run or ruin your life.

She might get some joy back by doing things she enjoys, so take time to go do fun things with her.

Answer 7

Well hon, there are people with needs, and there are needy people and you need to learn the difference.

Help those with needs by meeting their need. They will thank you and be uplifted.

Help those who are chronically needy by not meeting their needs constantly ... the best thing you can do is help them to stop being needy, help them to stand on their own. Sort of like the saying "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime".

Answer 8

I think u worry too much about what you can do.. to be honest we humans.. how much can we do??

Trust Him and surrender completely- Do it for Him not for ur self or the people u serve...

Read up on Mother Theresa.. she was and will always be inspiration to me when i experience what u've just spoken about....
And pray... it seems u have a big heart and a lot of generosity- don't think of what you can offer- Let Jesus do the giving... u run to Him and trust with Child like trust...

U 'll be fine love!!
God Bless

Answer 9

Everyone needs help at various times throughout their lives, but if you relative is a constant case of "neediness" you may want to check the way you help her. Your help may be actually enabling her. And given the chance some negative people will suck you dry until your joy is low.

I'd say if its the later, you can listen, but let her solve her own problems. You'd be surprised at how strong people are when they are left to figure life out for themselves.

Answer 10

There is a balance in all things, even in giving to others. When someone takes and takes over a very long time and never seems to get better, my red flag goes up and says, boinnng!! somethings wrong here. If we help people too much and they depend on us not God, that is not help, it is called co-dependency. When the need is genuine and I get emotionally tired of helping, I ask God for His strength and I get it. But, if they make me their God and try to get me to meet all their needs, it's not a Christian thing to keep giving. It can even be wrong, if my giving keeps them depending on me , not God himself!

Honestly, I would encourage you to go to God and ask Him, am I doing what you want in this situation? He can communicate with you in peace or in the person suddenly backing off (or occasionally going to "bug" someone else). I'm not saying that to be hateful, but there are manipulative people who sometimes use helpful people, and over-use them until they wear someone out and then they feel "suddenly called to go somewhere else"! I've seen this.

Talk to God, ask Him, If this is who I should help, Give me your love for them, cause mine's tapped out!!! God digs honesty in praying, after all, He knows what you think and feel already. Good question!!