Still dealing with my Dad's death from 15 years ago?

Question

My Dad passed away 15 years ago when I was 9. I’ve only been to the cemetery twice since because his ashes were taken back to the small town where he grew up. This past weekend, I asked my boyfriend to drive 10 hours each way so I could visit his plot. While I was there, I couldn’t say what I wanted and I couldn’t even think straight and all I did was cry. I wanted to tell him about my new job and my boyfriend and how they would have gotten along because they both like football and he treats me great. I wanted to thank him for watching over me but those words couldn't even come out. I almost felt like I was a kid again when my Mom told me he died. I didn’t know what to say or think and all I did was cry. I think what I felt at the cemetery is normal but can someone just tell me that it is. I've moved on with my life but I still really miss him.

Answer 1

wow I got moist eyes after reading this and I NEVER get emotional.
I understand you, you and your dad never had a chance so you miss him.
It is a tragedy, a bad thing that happened and there is nothing that can be done, a wound you will have to learn to live with.
But then look at me, I have had my dad and he beat me and when I was 23 I left and never went back and then he died 15 years later and I didn't care and only went to his grave once because my mother took me there and I felt nothing.
Now we are the same me and you, both without a father, just you have a boyfriend. Hopefully he'll be your family.
I have had 4 long relationships over 30 years and nothing came to it so you are better off even if you and your dad never had a chance. See it this way. Life is bad on the one side but somewhere else where it could be VERY bad to other people, it's been good with you so it evens out.
hope I made sense/helped somehow overcome your sorrow.

Answer 2

You question made me cry as I felt the same way about going to see my Dad's 'grave'. He died when I was 7 and I am now 25. I first went to see where part of ashes were laid to Rest about 5 years ago now and i had so much that I wanted to tell him, yet all I did was cry my heart out. It was one of the hardest things I ever did but I felt so at peace once I had done it. I have never gone back because I now realise that my Dad is in my heart and all around me wherever I am. I still miss him too and I sometimes think about what it would be like if he was here with me, and I don't think that will ever change. But I know that whenever I need him, he is there somewhere watching me, looking after me and still loving me - just like yours is. Don't be afraid to feel these things....it's all perfectly normal and understandable. xxx

Answer 3

I undastand every feeling that you are having. I lost my dad 17yrs ago.When he passed I was expecting his 1st grandchild that he never got to see.Being his only child and a daddy's baby it was and still is a hard thing to deal with! Beleive me he knows and sees everything that you and do. And you can talk to him whenever you want too I do it all the time.
I remember all the good times we have together and all the things that he taught and told me. My b/f and my dad both love to go fishing and do alot of outdoors stuff so they would have gotten along well! My son (2nd grand) looks alot like my dad so i'm reminded of him everyday. It gets better as time goes by but the missing him never goes away1
What you feel is more than just normal it's a child showing true love for a parent.So it's ok to cry,I do all the time!

Answer 4

Perhaps you were not born in a large family. Or you were not close to other family members where you can share you memories of your dad. Like the last answer you should pick a spot close to you where you feel comfortable to talk to him about anything and everything.It does not have to be the cemetery or the anniversary date. Anytime you fee llike talking to him he will be there listening. Share your sorrow but also share your happiness. Knowing that he's available anytime any place for you will help ease your pain that much more.

Answer 5

the loss of a parent is so traumatizing, especially for a 9 year old, the fact you went at all, does not diminish years of grief, your father knew you were there my dear, your tears were your soul trying to cleanse itself, the fact you could not speak from your mouth means nothing, you spoke from your heart,i lost my mother 10 years ago, when i am stressed or especially tired, i can feel her rub my shoulders, perhaps it's only in my mind, but it brings me comfort, i wish you peace my friend, i wish you peace.

Answer 6

yes it is normal. cemetaries bring back old feelings and memories. it's completely normal to just cry. especially since it was your dad. in time you'll be able to say what you wanted to say you just have to go to the cememtary more or you could talk to your mom about how your feeling that could help. just don't feel like it's not normal cause i do that to and it was just my aunt that died not one of my parents. good luck.

Answer 7

i think you might benefit from talking to a counselor about your grief. it is alot to deal with the death of a parent but it is very very difficult for a child to deal with it. you could also ask God to help you with this problem. just ask him to help you deal with the issue and the pain you still feel. he has more power to help you than anyone here on Earth. i hope you feel better soon.

Answer 8

It's okay to miss him; he'll aways be a part of you as long as you remember him.

If it helps, talk to him somewhere other than his grave, at a time and place where you feel comfortable in talking.

Answer 9

Its normal. But remember, hes with you wherever you are, so you can talk to him without the ten hour drive!