I have a friend whos getting married, shes more like an aquaintance these days, when my father died a traumatic death i asked her to come to the funeral, she never came and said she didnt go because she went to a funearl 3 weeks earlier and its alot to handle. It really hurt me and i felt it was a cheap excuse, didnt feel like she was a real friend.
Now she expects me to go to her wedding? why should i ? she wasnt there for me in my worst day why should i be there on her best day?
2007-10-22 09:51:54 · 20 answers · asked by Jetglam 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Dont go tell her you just went to a wedding 3 weeks ago and its just too much for you. That was a joke. Tell her you have plans that day make it something good so she won't question it.
2007-10-22 10:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by Avery 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you may be putting a little too much pressure on her. A lot of people have trouble handling funerals. I've made it a point to not go to a funeral unless I was very close to that person that died and wanted to say a final goodbye. Also I'm one of those people that don't know what to say to those who have lost a loved. When you think about it what can you say? Trite little words that really mean nothing compared to the grief that the person is feeling. Nothing anyone can say is going to make you feel any better or lessen your grief over losing your father. This is something you have to come to terms with on your own. Dealing with our own grief is hard enough but dealing with someone else's is even more difficult because we feel helpless and incompetent.
2007-10-22 17:16:33 · answer #2 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has their way of handling things. If she's your friend trust her reason for not attending the funeral. Even though you guys are friends, you guys will still handle life's challenges differently. Being a friend means respecting those differences. It's a huge mistake to expect people to react to situations as you would. However, if you find that you can't forgive her, that is still your right. Sometimes your mind can play foolish tricks on you. Follow your heart.
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2007-10-22 17:34:12 · answer #3 · answered by mac_makeup_artist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you want. Just because you receive an invitation doesn't mean you must attend.
I think that funerals are tough on a lot of people. I wouldn't lose a friend because of their personal way of handling death.
I might give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she knew funerals were tough for her, tried to go to one, and figured out she can't handle it.
Of course it is possible that she just isn't a good friend, not knowing her I couldn't tell you.
2007-10-22 16:59:30 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you get the formal invitation just decline. Rather than go into all the details about why you are not going its just better not to attend than go and hate being there. Obviously you arent close friends anymore so there will be no loss if she gets a litte miffed at you. Just tell her you have another commitment for that day.
2007-10-22 17:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by Diane M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't have to attend. Don't go into the reasons, just send your regrets, wish her well and leave it at that.
In her defense, funerals are hard for anyone. If she has never had a close family member die, she probably doesn't realize how much the survivors appreciate the fact that their friends support them in their grief.
2007-10-22 17:11:01 · answer #6 · answered by Deb W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1. you should forgive her and not worry about the past so much! is it really worth carring that "excuse" with you that has happend and is out of your control?
no it's not at least not to the happy folks that i know!
it's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you !
and wedding and gunerals are hard to handle back to back!
but your right that is a lame excuse she should of said i'm sorry i don't mind supporting you but i really don't want to go!
if you don't go to the wedding send a card in your behalf unless you want to look like the prude!
or go and don't give a gift sorry i just went to a wedding and spent money on that one!
oops but that is playing tit for tat and will get you know where with karma or god or what ever you bleive in!
2007-10-22 17:01:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you want to punish her for not being there for you by not being there for her. Would that do either of you any good? Would that heal the wound that was caused? Would that give you any closure in this matter? Of course not, it will only serve to deepen the feelings of resentment that are festering. If you want to fix things, talk to her, tell her how she made you feel by not being around for you. Then move forward, and renew your friendship on a happy note.
2007-10-23 00:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stress that she didn't go to the funeral. I really don't like funerals my self. I had went to my grandfathers funeral and a few months later my grandmother passed I couldn't make it cause I couldn't bear it again.
2007-10-22 17:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by greensweeds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no obligation to attend your friend's wedding. I don't blame you for being hurt about your Dad's funeral, but the invitation to the wedding may be her way of saying she's sorry. You might want to consider attending this happy event and let bygones be bygones.
2007-10-22 16:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl G 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋