Since time began (it seems), every year at Christmas, myself, my wife, and our children have had to visit all the family.
We get up at eight, have breakfast, let the kids open their presents then immediately rush off to the in-laws, stay there until about 3pm (having Christmas dinner) then go to my parents until 10pm.
The poor children get ferried around and dont even get to see their toys until Boxing Day afternoon (because the in-laws expect us over for lunch that day as well).
I want to have a nice quiet Christmas this year, just the four of us - Christmas dinner, kids enjoying their presents, and a lazy afternoon watching the repeats...
Is it too much to ask, or am I being selfish?
2007-10-22 08:43:43 · 27 answers · asked by R G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think you're being selfish,since all you want is a nice Christmas with your family.
2007-10-29 08:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by †[L]oveless®† 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel, and you're not being selfish. I've decided to put my foot down from now on as we do pretty much the same thing at Christmas and I've had enough. I just want my daughter to be able to wake up in her own bed, and stay at home and play with her presents.
This year I've changed things because I've actually sent my parents an invitation inviting them to lunch at our house. They can choose whether or not they'd like to come but I'll be quite happy if they do. However, it's our house and if I want the telly on the afternoon, it's going on!
Next year we have already decided that we'd like to have the morning and lunch at home on our own, and then we will tell the family that we will come over to them for coffee & cake in the afternoon. That's my compromise as I have had enough of rushing around like nutters to other people's houses on Christmas day.
I think you should have the Christmas that you would like. As long as you're polite and assertive, there's no reason why you shouldn't. Enjoy!
2007-10-23 03:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by spanner the stig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish. Most families truly believe the holidays are for the entire family but there really is nothing wrong with wanting to spend it with your immediate family. Some of your other family members may feel the same way they are just scared to say anything. I would just tell them that this year you are starting a new tradition. You are going to spend the whole day at your house with your wife and kids so you can enjoy each other and your gifts. Tell them it has nothing to do with them, you just would like to enjoy Christmas in your home. Good luck!!
2007-10-22 09:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by tn2vegas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not selfish. Poor all of you - are these Christmases enjoyable? How long do you and your the children look forward to them? Yes, family may feel you're being selfish because you're not doing what you always have/what they want - that always causes friction and guilt laden scenarios. Could you invite a lot of them to yours? The children could see everyone and enjoy their long-awaited presents all day. I started doing this a couple of years ago - yes, lots of cooking and clearing up but still easier than sitting in traffic jams and ferrying children around on Christmas. Even if not for you, what about for your children. 'the children really want to spend Christmas at home this year' something like that. Be prepared for whining and blame, have your excuses ready. Good luck. I hope it goes your way this year.
2007-10-22 08:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by Boudicca 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
they should bend a little! I have a game plan for you, but you'd have to use it next year, not this year. I think to make it work, you need to plant the seed early. Go to their house this year,be a perfect guest (don't let on that their house is a huge compromise to you, or they will not bend next year!) but make subtle comments about how next year Christmas will be at your house. However, to avoid conflict, keep the focus on how the prospect of entertaining everyone for the holidays is going to be so fun for you. Talk about how you want to decorate, what you want to cook...Don't be too obvious, because you'll have to keep up the campaign all year, and you'll come off as obnoxious and manipulative if you overdo it the least little bit. Then, from time to time throughout the year, refer to ideas you have for the Christmas you will be hosting in 2007 at your home. I really think it's too late this year to bow out and do Christmas at home without some measure of family politics / guilt / hurt feelings. Even if they don't come next year, you've made your plans known in a non-confrontational way, and they can take it or leave it.
2016-03-13 04:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not bein selfish at all. yes its nice to see other family members at xmas time but I am a firm believer that the day itself should be for you and your imediate family ( ie you and the kids),
I come from a very large family but we havent had a christmas all together for years.. we have all got our own families now, we do however try to all meet up for a drink or pub lunch a week or two before xmas then on the day itself we just give each other a quick call.
I would put your foot down and insist that you have your xmas with just you, your wife and your kids, tell your in laws and your parents that you will see them boxing day instead they might be offended to start with but stand your ground your and adult and a parent yourself now you should do whats right for your family. The kids would love it they would have a 2 day xmas (presants from mum & dad on the day then more presants form granny & grandpa the next day) and lets face it the kids is what its all about!
2007-10-22 10:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by gert 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to that.
I don't think it is selfish.
We always had my husband's parents over at our house on Christmas eve and went to my parents on Christmas Day. But it was still a rush because my mother wanted me to help her with the dinner.
My brother's family was there, too and my family didn't even like his kids.
Then when my mom couldn't have dinner over there any more we had to go to my brother's house which was even farther away.
In 2006 my mother died. We stayed home. This year my father in law has died. So I don't know what we are going to do. I would like to have his mom over here. But her mother is still living and it is important that she be with her also. GGma don't go anywhere any more so she probably wouldn't come here.
My kids are grown up and it is not as fun as it used to be with little kids.
I think it is something you have to work out with those other family members.
I know families that have their parties on the weekend before or after the holiday so they can have their own on the actual day.
Plan your get togethers with your family on 2 different days like the day before or after the actual holiday. Christmas seems to last for a month nowdays.
Just remember everyone won't be there forever.
2007-10-22 09:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by Tigger 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Many families celebrate a family Christmas the weekend before Christmas or on Christmas Eve. Christmas is the time for families, and the time to get together. Sounds like you want to start your own traditions at your house. Have the in-laws over to your house for the pre-Christmas Christmas. On Christmas day, you'll have your family with you. Let both families know what you plan to do. They'll probably insist that you come over on Christmas Day or something, but stick to your guns. Everyone should be able to have his/her own family Christmas. Good luck.
2007-10-22 09:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by Weezilmom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've wanted to do the same just about every year, but we always drive to visit our families regardless. It's one of the few times we see them all year and our parents, too, want to spend Christmas with their children. :)
As a compromise, we have a family tradition where on Christmas Eve each member of the family gets to open a present around dinnertime. In addition, we don't leave the house on Christmas until around lunch time, giving us the chance to have a nice Christmas morning.
2007-10-22 08:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not at all - its your life too - we used to do the same- but now we all enjoy it more if we see each other every other year -most people think the same as you- but no-one likes to be the party pooper or instigator of trying somthing different- christmas is fun -for YOU too.
Change and enjoy you may be suprised that others in the family feel the same way too.
Or go to one family xmas eve and one boxing day have christmas to your own family. No-one will begrudge you that
2007-10-22 08:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋