WOMEN only...I am a 20 yr old girl and want to marry a man who is 42.?

Question

What would you all do if you fell in love with a man who was 22 years older than you? Would you be able to resolve all the issues that the huge age gap might bring? How would you explain this to your parents, friends, society?

You see I am a 20 yr old lady and I love a man who is 22 years older. I have never liked men because I have issues with them...like all females have. I never had a boyfriend because I never found a boy that I liked enough to have a serious relationship with. Then, along comes this man, who I feel is so similar to me in terms of personality and I feel like he is the only one who understands me.

Is it alright to marry someone whom you love that is 22 years older than you? I know it sounds wierd, but I really love this man. You don't even want me to tell you how much I love him. He is the only one who fits me so well in personality. I need him; I need a man like that in my life.

I don't know how to explain this to my parents. I asked this question before

and someone's response was "if you are 20 yrs old then why are your parents meddling in your person life."

Answer 1

At 20 yrs old why do you need to get married? Enjoy the time you spend together but honestly sweetie, you would probably be better off with someone closer in age....

Answer 2

There are always exceptions to every rule, but you do need to take a good long hard look at this man and see what it is attractive to you in him that you aren't seeing in someone closer to your own age. Also see how he treats you, is he treating you as an equal or effectively patting you on the head and giving you a "oh isn't she so cute and percocious" attitude. I've seen it with co-workers, friends and neighbors, when one person is in their 20's and the other is 15-20 years older, they reach a point in their relationship where the older partner treats the younger one like a child or teenager and the younger one then rebels like a teenager and the relationship falls apart over it (curiously enough when the younger one is in their 40s and the older one is in their 60s, they tend to treat each other more like equals--same age difference, but whole new attitude)

I guess what I'm trying to say is: make sure you aren't looking for a parent in your partner because you will reach a point where you will out grow him. Make sure he is treating you as an adult woman and not a child. Also look at his past relationships, is he able to have a relationship with women his own age? Sometimes older men will wind up with a younger woman because an older woman wouldn't put up with his mistreatment.

Demand that he treat you as his equal and don't worry about what society says, society doesn't have to live with him.

Do listen to your parents concerns if they have any, really hear them out and judge for yourself if their complaints or concerns have merit. Never be embarassed or ashamed to introduce your SO to your parents, your embarassment should be your first clue that you know something isn't right.

Answer 3

First of all you dont NEED a man. Second, you are too young to be tied down that way. Has he asked you to marry him? You have so much living to do and if you haven't had a boyfriend then how do you know what you want from a man? You dont have anything to compare it to. Take a deep breath and think about what you are doing. You dont need a man to complete you. He should wait for you to get your feet wet. Date some other guys, then if you still love this guy and he wants to be with you then go for it, but live a little more before you get yourself into something you cant get out of. In the end it shouldnt matter what others think. No one can tell you what to do. If it is true love he will wait for you to get a little older and wiser.

Answer 4

You need a man like him or you need this particular man?

How does this man feel about you? Is he single? How far has the relationship gone? Has he brought up the subject of marriage to you or are you simply speculating?

You said yourself that you've never had a boyfriend; therefore, you have no experience from which to compare this relationship. Are you sure you know what you want? Perhaps after your long romance drought you're yearning for a relationship with an individual unlike your peers and this is the first mature guy who has shown you any real attention.

Men his age are typically dealing with mid-life crises. You may simply be his attempt to regain some youth. What do you really know about him? The adage "love is blind" has survived this long for a good reason. There are so many variables that make me think this relationship would likely be disastrous.

Answer 5

Where you raised with your dad? Did you have a father figure in your household while growing up?

You might be in love with this man because you feel protected. He obviously understands you because he has more experience in life than what you do. Well, i believe you established that you love him. While that's not the issue, Why worry about what other people say? See, I was in a similar situation except I had dated guys before. I lived a normal life.. I was just a few months away from my 20th birthday, I started a relationship with a man 10 years older than me. Everything was ok with us. Well, until i realized I loved him. He made me feel like nobody else had before. a few months down the road, we began having problems... his life style.. I couldn't keep up with it. To make the story short.. I still love him.. I will always have that feeling for him, but i let him go. He needs to straighten things up in his own life. My advice to you.. Is to not worry about what other people think or say yet to think about his life. Does he have children that may cause issues between you two? What about his personal life? Is he ready to be in a relationship? Why hasn't he had one or been married? Consider that, which may impact your relationship with him.

Answer 6

22 years is a huge gap, does it not bother you that he's led a whole life before you have even started yours? If you don't have any issues of him being with other women before you or whatever is in his past, and you guys are truly happy together, do what you want to do. However, you have to think of your future too, I mean do you want to be 40 and have a 62 year old husband? Just think of stuff like that before you dive in head first, ok? Good Luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 7

Wait a while. You're only twenty, and have plenty time for thinking about marriage. Do you really want to marry a guy who might die twenty years before you? Think about the gap, and if you are really in love, or just a crush because you've never experienced love (boyfriend). I'd look around a little longer--personally I wouldn't go for him. The gap is just too big.

Answer 8

I find it hard to believe a couple with that much age difference could have much in common. You're barely out of your teen years, and he's well into middle-age and old enough to be your father.

It's not illegal so do what works for you...if it doesn't work out, you can end it and go your separate ways. Sometimes these things do work out, but I've never been attracted to anyone more than 8 or 9 yrs my junior or senior.

To each, their own.

Answer 9

How will you marry him without explaining it to your parents. Listen it is oaky to love this man but wait another 2 or three years before you marry him. Please believe me when I tell you WAIT. You still have alot of fun to have try doing that first before you end up cleaning up after a man who is old enough to be your DAD. You only want to marry him because he makes you feel pretty and special and etc. Why Dont you try making yourself feel that way.

Answer 10

20-42 fine
30-52 fine
40-62 fine
50-72 hes retired and possibly sick
60-82 youre still working and hes in a nursing home or sick
70-92 youve finally retired and you are both in a nursing home because you wore yourself out taking care of him and his kids from his 1st and 2nd marriage still resent you
(THAT IS WORST CASE SCENARIO)