I keep hearing "If you're over thirty, and you want to get married, you have to marry somebody with children !" . Is this true ? Children won't obey somebody's rules if they don't want to, and they don't want to . I'd have to have my rules obeyed and respected, and children aren't obedient and respectful . Any children that live in my house would have to follow my rules . Is it fair to make new rules halfway through their childhood, or "change the rules in the middle of the game" ? Would EVERYBODY make a good stepparent ? Aren't there some people who shouldn't have children ? Is it realistic to think ANYBODY can inspire respect and obedience in children ?
2007-10-22 08:22:52 · 6 answers · asked by I_hate_being_single 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all, that's ridiculous. There are many people over thirty who don't already have kids. Most people are waiting until later to have kids anyway. At 30, I am the youngest parent in my daughter's group of friends.
If you do marry someone with kids, rules would have to be discussed with them. There will have to be a lot of compromise on everyone's part.
No, everyone would not make a good step-parent or even parent. However, a lot of people would, more than you'd think, if they are willing to listen and try very hard.
2007-10-22 08:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by SS109 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's definitely not true. Here's an example.....My husband was 39 when we married. I was 29 and neither of us had any children. You may find that a lot of women that are within your age range may have been divorced, but they won't necessarily all have children. My husband & I had both been married before, thankfully, with no kids in our previous relationships. I think my husband may have dated some women with children before he married me, but he, like you, wasn't comfortable with "stepchildren" so he waited.......for me. :o) So.......just because you are over thirty, doesn't mean you have to marry someone over thirty.......(within reason of course, age doesn't have to be a huge factor). Also, there are many women that do not have children before 30. I had my first child at 30, but I know women that were older. My advice......decide whether you can handle stepchildren (from your comments, it appears you cannot) and if this is what you decide, then don't date women with children. It's not fair to you, the woman, or her children. I think it is true that not everyone should be a parent (to their own children or as a stepparent) and that some people would not be make good parents. However, there are many good parents and stepparents out there and yes, it is realistic to think the some parents can inspire respect and obedience. My parents did & I would like to think that my husband & I also do. (We now have two children). From your comments, I think you also need to decide whether you want children at all and whether you would be a good parent. Good luck to you!
2007-10-22 09:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Amy27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to do anything you don't feel right about. That is a ridiculous thing to tell someone. Actually, the advice is the other way around... you shouldn't marry someone with kids just to get married. You are right, changing rules in the middle of their lives is somewhat unfair to the kids. And being a step-parent is hard. It is a delicate balance between keeping a solid relationship with the other parent and then trying to give a stable environment to the kids. Sometimes you just don't know where to step in short of letting them run all over you!
I like your question about "inspiring respect and obedience". That shows that you will be a great parent regardless whether they are your own kids or someone else's. You are showing respect just by the way you asked it.
Inspiring respect... I like that a lot!
2007-10-22 08:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa!!! Hold on Dude! No, you don't have to marry someone with children. There are people who don't have any out there or whose children are grown etc..,
However, as I am sure you realize, the frequency of divorce is outrageous and a huge percentage of women have children. So you are limiting the scope of available women considerably.
On the other hand, it does take a special person to become a blended family and to be a step-parent. Maybe that isn't you, which is okay. If you admit it to yourself and don't lead some poor woman on.
Good Luck!
2007-10-22 08:29:41 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes a very clear understanding between the stepfather and his wife's children, to make a real family. I have found it to be very rare to see stepchildren not affected by the remarriage of a parent. You would have to be very committed to the relationship to make the family thing work.
2007-10-22 09:02:55 · answer #5 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the point of that statement is.... do you want to go to your child's graduation in a walker?
consider how old you'll be when they are 18
30s is not too old, 40s maybe
2007-10-22 08:30:24 · answer #6 · answered by ann s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋