We are in our mid 40’s and getting married. The band that will be playing at our wedding wants to bring their wives and girl friends to our wedding. We do not know these people and we had to omit some friends because there just isn’t enough room. If we allow this, we would have to add an additional table and an additional $100 per head.
What would be proper etiquette in this situation?
2007-10-22 08:20:27 · 47 answers · asked by Jose M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just explain to the band that there just is not enough room and you were even unable to invite some of your own friends. It is your guest list, your band should not be adding people to it.
2007-10-22 08:24:07 · answer #1 · answered by vaya 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
If you are paying for the Band, they are your employees. Explain, nicely, that you cannot afford to pay the extra cost, and even had to omit some of your friends.
If they get snotty about it, then they are jerks and you don't want their wives there.
You could offer to allow them and subtract $100 from what you are paying the band for each person coming.
Have a great wedding.
2007-10-22 08:26:27 · answer #2 · answered by Songbyrd JPA ✡ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two options, it seems to me, depending on your preference: 1) Indicate to the band members that they may bring wives/girlfriends as they requested, but that the actual cost of each dinner (their own + their partners'), plus an assumed amount for beverages, will be deducted from the fee paid for their services as the "band"; or 2) politely tell them the answer is "no." Explain that the wedding is a private event for family and close friends, and that their presence is the result of a business transaction: they are hired strictly to perform a service.
Personally, I'd opt for #2...without the explanation (I offer it in the event that "No!" sounds too blunt).
2007-10-22 08:33:23 · answer #3 · answered by JMH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I presume that you are paying these people to play at your wedding. If that is the case, then you are not doing them a favor nor are they doing you a favor. It is a business arrangement.
And in most business arrangements spouses are not included.
Your wedding is your day for you, for your family, and for your friends - not for some strangers who have manipulated you into inviting them.
I think that it is pretty nervy of them to ask such a thing. They must not be very professional. Would you ask your boss if your mother could come and use the copy machine at your job? Or would you ask your boss if your dad could use his car? Of course not!
Wedding costs are astronomical; to invite several people you don't even know would be a very costly gesture. Several hundred dollars is quite significant.
If you don't have a personal relationship with these people then you don't even have to consider personal etiquette. You have a business arrangement and nothing more. THEY are the ones who have breached professional etiquette by even asking such a thing.
It's ridiculous!
2007-10-22 08:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would say unless the girlfriends and wives are in the band, then no way. I would just politely tell them that although you would be more than happy to include everyone, that fact is that you had to omit people that you did know from your list for the wedding. Therefore, adding extra people is just not feasible.
2007-10-22 09:01:10 · answer #5 · answered by regina falange 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely REFUSE to change your plans because of the band's request......... what do they think this is, a party that they will be attending???? THEY WILL BE WORKING! Do you ever ask your boss to allow you to bring your fiancee/wife into your office during working hours so she can spend some time with you?? NO WAY!!! This is just as absurd..... if the band was formed by close friends of yours, I'd understand, but this is work for these guys, not pleasure..... how could they even dare to ask you to invite their partners!?! That is plain rude. Just tell them NO, because you already made your reservations and calculated your expenses and it's not possible to request an extra table ONLY for those ladies to be there..... you're PAYING them for their services, not for them to come with their partners and have a good time at YOUR party, so definitely say this is not possible and you will be more than glad to hire their services and pay for them BUT ONLY THAT. This is a business deal, and if they aren't smart enough to treat it as such you will have to put them down to earth.....
2007-10-22 08:28:23 · answer #6 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that everyone else said the same thing:
If you hired the band to play at your wedding, and are paying them money - then NO, they do not bring their girlfriends/wives to your wedding.
If they are your friends and are playing at your wedding as a favor to you, or even for money, it gets a little trickier. You just need to tell them NO!
It sounds like you don't know them, so it is the latter situation...you are paying them for a service, not for their wives to hang out at the wedding and be fed by you.
2007-10-22 10:27:39 · answer #7 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unprofessional for the band members to expect to invite people to the weding... that is asking far to much and would suggest that if this is not a negotation the band is willing to give on, you might do better to get a different band with more professional focus.
Unless the band is also friends of yours, I would suggest you politely suggest to the band members that you are happy to include their wives and girlfriends -- however, you do not consider that part of the fee for playing... then suggest that you would be happy to take 100 bucks per head off the top of the fee they are asking... or would they like to pay it to you in a separate check.
2007-10-22 08:28:03 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas H 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the band is playing for free you may want them to know the cost and let them pay for their additional guest. If you are paying them, just say no, or tell them they can come at the last hour just before the reception is over and the eating is done because it is very expensive. Be tactful, you like the band and don't want to have to find another band.
2007-10-22 08:33:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a DJ for 20 years. I never brought my wife to any wedding I did. I had an assistant that came with me, but friends or wives?? Never. It is rude of them to ask and very unprofessional. You are paying them to provide a service, not a spot for them to play a gig that their wives can see.
To answer how to handle it, I would contact the band and let them know they will be welcomed but you will be reducing their fee to cover the additional cost of their guests.
Sounds like you just a got a band for your wedding for free.
2007-10-22 08:28:33 · answer #10 · answered by itsme6922 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Great Question. You politely tell the leader of the band that your guest list was carefully chosen and that your wedding, including the reception is Invitation Only. No More needs to be said granted the person you say this to has any class and can pick-up on this hint -S
2007-10-22 08:25:57 · answer #11 · answered by CulinaryCad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋