what should i "ask for" for our engagement party?

Question

my fiance and i got engaged 2 months ago. we are planning a may 2009 wedding, and are hoping to get a place together about 6-9 months before then. for now we are both living with our parents trying to save up enough moneh. now my mom has gone and decided to throw us an engagement party and keeps asking what we want, and what she should tell other guests if they ask. but we have no idea, we dont have a kitchen, so we dont know what we need, or what color appliances we want, or whatever! she's driving me crazy with this stuff. we have a full size bed, its brand new, but she insists that she tell people queen size bedding cause "we'll get a new bed" and she insists on getting us new dishes even tho my best friend bought me a set last christmas, they're leopard print, they're completely me, but my mom hates them and refuses to accept that we like them and will use them. i told her want we really need is stuff for our dog, which is a constant and we know we'll need stuff for her. help

we didnt even want a party. we told her we didnt want a party. but she's doing it anyways.

but until we have a place, anything we get is going to sit in the basement for like a year. i feel that it would all just be a waste.

oh believe me, i've told her this over and over and over. she wont listen. she insists. i've tried sending her towards the gift card route, but she thinks that cards are tacky. even tho we like that idea the best

we have a full set a bakeware and cookware, she's been buying it for me for christmas for years. we have kitchen knives and flatware as well. i even have a wafflemaker, crape maker and tortilla cooker that i've accumulated over the years. its like, what else do i really need? have a blender too. and a full bar full of barware.

she's just going to drive me nuts isnt she? lol

Answer 1

It sounds like your mom is trying to throw a shower, which 1. is never thrown by a close family member, and 2. doesn't take place until about two months before the wedding.

Engagement parties may well be thrown this far ahead of the wedding: they are, after all, to acknowledge and celebrate the engagement. However, engagement parties are generally given to introduce the families and close friends of the bride and groom to one another, and do not generally involve major gifts (small, token gifts of congratulation may be given, but not towels and mixers, and certainly not things for the dog).

I'm sure your mom is just enthusiastic about the wedding and wants to celebrate it. Perhaps point her to some wedding etiquette books that would explain the difference between an engagement party and a shower and when each is properly given. Maybe that will get her to slow down. (And, congratulations!)

Answer 2

Why not word it as an 'Announcement Party'..... People used to do this for the exact reason you are wanting to have the get together...they call it an announcement patry...it states just that....you are formally announcing the engagement and nothing more is expected of guests except to meet and greet and mingle with both families and friends....You could also add something like,' no gifts necessary, just bring yourselves'..which would go along with an informal theme. Or maybe,' no need to bring gifts at this time,we only want a family get together to make a toast in honor of our famliy and friends whom we would love to meet each other over some tasty BBQ.' Or maybe something like,...' We [insert names here], would like to invite you over to enjoy some good old fashioned BBQ [insert party info here;time,place,directions etc.,] Please do not bring gifts at this time. This is an invitation for all family and friends for an informal announcement of our engagement. This will be a wonderful opportunity for everyone to meet the bride and groom and also mingle with their friends and families.....' and so on. Congradulations on your engagement and hope this helps! Good Luck! Just remember to have fun and try not to stress out...there is always the possibility that people may bring gifts even if you don't want them to (be gracious if they do).. you could always invite them to bring a dish or champagne or even a desert so that they will feel better about not bringing a gift! Have fun with it!

Answer 3

Um you don't usually get a lot of gifts, if any for your engagment party. That's usually just a get together with friends and family announcing your engagement. You usually get gifts for your bridal shower. But you should do at least one registry at your favorite store just in case. You can even do it online to save yourself some time. There has to be things you could use: towels/dish towels, glasses, wine/martini/beer glasses, drinking glasses, baking dishes, utensils, bedding (just because you may get a new bed doesn't mean you can't choose the same size you already have).

Go online to either Target, Linens N'Things, Macy's and go through the different sections for kitchen, living room, bathroom and you will be surprised and what you will find.

Congratulations!

Answer 4

Nothing. Asking for something would be extremely rude.

Most people don't even bring gifts to an engagement party. And putting registry or gift request info on the invites, or telling people that you want something, is horribly rude and tacky.

Wait until about 8-10 months until your wedding to register for stuff. Do NOT put the registry info on the invites ... if your family/friends decide to throw you a shower, then they can inform the guests of where you're registered.

Answer 5

Congrats on your up coming wedding! I personally do not think it is too early to have an engagement party. Your are engaged right? I think you should tell your mother and your guest not to bring anything to your engagement party. You can register to some places that other posters suggested and have the gift registry cards on a table so your guests can pick them up and then you don't have to tell people what you want. Tell mom to sit back and enjoy your engagement with you. Tell her you are only going to get married once and you want her to enjoy every moment with you! (Maybe then she will back down a little.)

Answer 6

Bath towels, dish towels, four slice toaster, baking dishes, coffee pot, blender. Just make her a list and graciously accept gifts that will sit unused for a year and then when you do get a house, unpack everything and re-gift what you can not use. The items I listed above just about every can use. Other than that, I would go to a local department store and start a registry and let you mother know where it is.

Answer 7

You & your fiance should go out and register at several stores - by yourselves, selecting what you want, or what you think you may want.
Then give your mom a list of stores you are registered at.
You can put down "full size" bedding rather than queen. You don't have to select dishes if you don't want to.
In order to aid your guests, who may want to get you something, try to think of what would look good in any environment - - white or black small appliances, for example.
You'll certainly want photo frames, luggage for you honeymoon, etc.

Answer 8

No problem for you here. Gifts are NOT given at an engagement party!!! You may get some cards, or bottles of wine, but that's about it.
If you are thinking about a shower, that's different. If you don't want gifts, then just decline having a shower.

Answer 9

People don't usually give gifts at an engagement party.

Tell your mom you want charitable donations in your name to certain one. After the party any amount donated can be used on your Taxes for a deductible to get you a better refund which you can use for the new place.

Answer 10

Find a store you like and register there first of all. Then you can just refer her to that, and hopefully cut out some of the mom/daughter troubles.

As for what you can ask for, there are lots of things you will need eventually that don't have to have a color or such. For example, you can get pots and pans that won't be out on display anyway. You can register for silverware, it's all the same color basically anyway. Things like cake plates, mixing bowls may not the be best idea, since they are breakable and it seems like yo uwill be storing them for a while. If there is sport you both enjoy, such as camping, you can register for that stuff. Same for tools.