Should I forgive my dad?

Question

Me and my dad never really had the greates of relationships..
Actually, it's been pretty shitty.
I don't live in the same state as him anymore, and when I have to visit, it is literally hell.
Now he is probably getting divorced from my step mom, which it's no secret that they got married because she was pregnant. I know things will be hard for him when they separate. It's also really hard for me to forget all the things he has said and done. I try to stay mad, covering up for feeling sad that me and my dad aren't close.
I know this is sad, the situation is sad, and has been for many years. I just don't think that I can be sad for him anymore. I'm not sure if I can put this behind me and try to sympathise for him,I think maybe I should, but is it worth it in the end??
Somebody help..

Answer 1

You know time passes by very quickly, and before you know it another year has gone. Time stands still for know one, believe me I know. I am 70 years old, and my Dad passed away very unexpectedly when I was only 17. I did not have that great of a relationship with him either, a lot of skeletons in his closets. A Father was the head of the family in those days, and if you knew what was good for yourself it was wise not to contradict your father, he was right no matter what. Well, I never had the opportunity to confront him about many things, and when I got old enough to approach him he passed on. Since you had some challenges with your Dad, you should at least try and speak to him very calmly, and iron out some of your differences. As we fathers get older, most of us become more sentimental about family and life in general. Things that we use to ignore mean something to us now. Life, Family and being here has more purpose than it did before. We always thought we were indestructible, and too proud to admit we were wrong when in fact, we were wrong. It's nothing but being stubborn, and not wanting someone to say I told you so, or I'm sorry. Forgive your Dad, and you will be lifting off a burden from your shoulders and on your mind that obviously has been bothering you for some time. If you don't get control of this situation, as you get older you will regret you didn't accomplish this one thing that has been plaguing your mind and body for the rest of your life. Do what is right, and forgive him, go talk to him, and give him a hug. You will see that big guy or stubborn person crumble like a stack of crackers. His shield will fall to the floor like a ton of bricks. Good Luck and the best to you both.

Answer 2

Was this a one-time incident or do you think it still happens? You should talk to your mom about it and let her know it's still bothering you. Ask her point blank if he still does it. If he's never done it again, you should let it go. Forgiveness is not always for the other person's benefit. It's really for our own. You need the peace in your heart that can only be gained by moving on w/ things. I know your dad disappointed you. What he did was absolutely wrong, but if he has changed he deserves a second chance. Our parents are human and flawed. I'm sure he loves you and it would break his heart to know he has affected you this way. You should probably talk to him too.

Answer 3

It depends on just what was done to you. If he is evil (physically or sexually abusive and/or verbally or mentally abusive), then write him off and move on. If he was neglectful and annoying then forgive and see if it is possible to forge a relationship from this point on--realize that you cannot change the past--you will never have the little kid "I'm so happy your my daddy" feeling, you can only move forward. And if ultimately he proves to be a toxic influence in your life, then it's ok to say you tried and then go your separate ways.

Also, if memories from the past are polluting your present, I can't say enough about getting a bit of therapy to help you sort thru the emotions and to give you clarity. Check with your school for counseling services or with your employer for an EAP for a referal.

Answer 4

To tell you the truth YES i think that at the end is so worth it and let me tell you why..... because he is your dad and even if you guys had never had that awesome relationship he is still your dad..... parents can he hard headed sometimes but that doesnt change the fact that he is you dad.... yes he has made i bet alot of mistakes but if by any chance you want to make the relationship a little better you have to be the positive one.... maybe if he sees that you are trying and not judging him and actually he has you there he might be able to think about his mistakes.....
and im telling you because i had always had a huge grudge on my dad for cheating on my mom like 4 times and having like 4 kids out of marriage.... i though he never loved us and he was a jerk but i knew that if things were going to change i couldnt judge him and i had to let him know i was there..... i know sometimes its super hard to do that..... but never forget that he is family and i know its unfair for you to be the one trying more than him but as you said at the end it will be worth it because at least you will know that u tried!

anyway good luck and think about it

Answer 5

Yes, forgive him..but not for his sake. You can't carry the failed relationship around on your shoulders all the time. If he drags you down then do not spend too much time around him. If he is a positive influence, then you should really work on relationship issues. I've learned that just because someone is family does not mean you should be involved in their every issue/problem. My dad is an alcoholic, drug addict and felon. He has never taken much interest in any of us (4 kids) and treats my mom like crap. She has stuck around to take it...most of the kids have moved out of state (only 1 left, and he just enlisted). It is sad to see how unhappy my mother is. I go visit for holidays, call on Father's day...you know, go through the motions. I love all of them but working on our relationship issues is laughable. He would never stand for that. Every situation is different. You should make a life for yourself...don't abandon your family by any means...but separate yourself from it if it continues to be harmful.

Answer 6

This might sound rude to many, but the fact is that if your father has not asked you for forgiveness, you don't have to forgive him. If he is getting divorced again, that tells you your dad has not change at all, he will be the same until he makes peace with everybody he has hurt.

You should not feel responsible for him, let him carry his own weight. AND THAT'S GOD's way.

Answer 7

I am glad that you want to work things out with your Dad.
We have one dad and one mom, and we didn't chose them or they chose us, so of course, there are many difference in our interest. I would advice you to make time and go somewhere with your dad and talk about what bothered you and let him talk his mind too. Tell him you are ready to except him back in your life, because you need him and love him and which to start fresh again. Good luck!

Answer 8

ok should u forgive your dad for saying and doing all the bad things hes done to you look has he even try to say sorry to you at for all the things he has said and done to you and if he hasn't then I wouldn't forgive him I would just put all this behind me and move on with me life if I was you

Answer 9

The bible says to forgive 70x7...and then some...forgive him honey because you'll never be able to replace the relationship of a father and daughter and I can promise you'll wish you had it if you don't. So talk to him, forgive him and work at having a good relationship.

Answer 10

Yes. My dad died when I was 24. I would do anything to go back and work out any issues in our relationship.