I dont know if I did a bad thing or not ***PLEASE COMMENT***?

Question

I am engaged to be married next October 2008. About 4 months ago my fiance moved to a new apartment and during the move I noticed a box filled with pictures of her and her ex. I said something to her about how I didnt like her having a box of pictures of her ex. She acted like she didnt even know the photos where even there. Nothing was ever done with them. So about a month ago I took all the old photos of her and her ex to my house. Not one word has been said about them being gone. Also I was looking through her cell phone and noticed that her ex was still programed into her phone on the #1 speed dial. I deleted it and nothing has been said about that either. Was it a bad move to take the photos and delete her ex from her phone?

Answer 1

Wow yes it was a bad move, it seems that she was telling you the truth and you reward her by going behind her back and messing with her things? wow that is messed up. Regardless of the situation those pictures are of her past she has a right to them even if they make you uncomfortable. She seems to be very honest so there is no reason to believe she is even in contact with that exe. Return the pictures immediately and seek help to deal with your trust issue BEFORE marrying her.

Answer 2

I can understand how you feel having seen the pictures and also the cell number. But, you have done two things behind your fiance's back.

The pictures are in a box, not on the wall, in photo albums on the coffee table, etc. She isn't ready to throw them away, after all that is part of her life.

As for her ex being #1 on speed dial on her cell phone, I'm wondering about your trust in her. Why did you feel you needed to look through it?

You need to talk to her about this. You plan on marrying this woman and building a life together; you both need to be honest with each other and trust each other. Get this out in the open. Let her know that the pictures bothered you and what you found on her cell phone and how that bothered you too. Tell her what you did and why you did it. Be ready because she may want to keep the pictures, so come to a compromise.

If you don't say anything, she will find better ways of hiding things from you. Do you really want to begin your life together with deception? Or do you want there to be open communication and honesty?

Answer 3

Ok your a little insecure. I can see why it would upset you but i think you went a little to far. She probably hasn't said anything about any of it because she hasn't noticed. The pictures are something you just keep for memory... not that yo necessarily look back on. I have pictures and items from previous relationships in a box in my closet.. i rarely look at them.. but their there because they ment seomthing to you at the time. I guess women tend to b more sentimental then men.

I don't know how she'll react to it but thats a huge invasion of privacy and trust.

Think of it this way. She may have all those things but she's with you, she said yes didn't she. would you really wanna screw up your relationship with her over some pictures she has in a box. Their not even out.. i would be concerned if they were frmaed and on her night stand.. but seriously... get over the insecurites and put the stuff back (maybe not the phone) just put ur number in as speed dial one.. you can pull that one off as a joke.

Answer 4

It was a bad move, because that shows there is no trust or honestly in your relationship. On both sides. Her's for keeping the photographs and the phone number, yours for taking the photographs and deleting the number. She isn't saying anything cause she doesn't want to get in to trouble, and you did what you did cause you are concerned.

I still have photographs in albums of pervious relationships, because they are a part of my past my life and who and why I am who I am today. My husband knows that. I don't sit on the floor with the albums and poor over them for hours on end, infact I don't think i've looked at a single one of them in a couple of years. Except when someone asks me if i had a picture of blah blah blah from way back when, then i'll go through the album and find the pic, but not to remind my self of the past. It is my past and he understands that.

This could be the reason she had the box of photographs and it was NOT your place to take them from her. They are her past. I would be concerned about the phone number and the reason it was speed dial number one, but I am still good friends with some of my ex's and I have been married over a year now, and my husband is completely confident that I am his and his only.

That is trust. Good luck.

Answer 5

In a word, YES.

Those photos don't belong to you. They belong to your fiancee, and it is up to her to decide what to do with them, not you. You told her you didn't like her having the photos; now its up to HER to decide what to do with them. NOT YOU.

And what gave you the right to look through her cell phone? And then to delete a phone number without asking her????
What's next? Are you going to start searching through her dresser drawers? Reading her private journal? Reading her mail??

What all this says to me, at least, is that you are a very insecure guy who doesn't trust the woman he says he loves and who feels the need to control her. SO WHAT if she has photos of her old boyfriend? She's not with the old boyfriend anymore, she's engaged to marry YOU. Has she ever actually done anything to give you real reason to suspect that she might be cheating on you? I bet not. And yet, you don't trust her. You're pathetic.

I can tell you that if someone I was romantically involved in started stealing my personal photos and mementoes because he was jealous of my previous relationship(s), and started going through my cell phone deleting phone numbers he didn't think I should have, he'd be my EX-fiance in a VERY short time.

Answer 6

I don't really know. I guess you could have asked her to do something with the photos and phone number herself, instead of going behind her back and giving her no choice in the matter. You snooped into her private space (her phone) and some may say that's a no-no! Overall, that showed a lot of insecurity and it should have been talked out. If you feel you have reason to doubt her, should you be marrying her?

The other side of it is; if it turns out that your actions were called for, and she does have something to hide, again, should you be marrying her?

Answer 7

There isn't anything wrong with having pictures of your past, but they should n't be on display. Everyone has a past and that is what makes us who we are. You shouldn't have done anything, but saying something about it is the right thing to do. She probably hasn't said anything because it really isn't on her mind. The #1 speed dial thing is a little much and really shouldn't have been there unless she forgot about it. You should have told her to delete it though. You can't just get rid of stuff cuz you don't like it. That is her job to listen to your needs and then take the appropriate action.

Answer 8

im no expert on this but maybe it was a bad move. She might have still had her ex's number on her phone simply because she forgot to delete it, and maybe she wanted to keep the pictures for some reason? She probably didnt notice that you deleted the number beause she doesnt look at it anymore. basically i think it was wrong of you to take her pictures, but im not being nasty - hope this helps you =]

Answer 9

If it were me, I'd say you overstepped your bounds. I don't know how things usually go between you and your fiancee. But, for me, if someone makes decisions about things that are mine, I get mad. And then I leave. Honestly? It looks like you are being controlling. She may be angry at you. Be ready with an apology if she blows her top. I hope she doesn't break up with you over this. It was really up to her to get rid of those things and delete the speed dial. Maybe she's just lazy (not LAZY in general, but doesn't think about things that aren't urgent), so she never remembers to get rid of the stuff. Next time (if there is one), offer to help her clean out her old things instead. If she's a pack-rat like my husband is, then she has tons of things she doesn't care about any more but just can't bring herself to throw them away. It's called "hoarding" if this is the case. Sites below.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Does not sound like you trust her. I wouldn't. Those things should have been gone when the ex became an the ex. I would cut it off right now. I should have done that when my ex wife told me just about the same thing "oh I didn't know I still had them, (bull). she knew and she was still seeing the ex. 6 years and 3 affairs later we divorced. I would run and never look back!!!!!