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Apparently it happened when she was 20, just out of a long term relationship. I'm not sure how old he was. They were friends - he initiated it, but she did not pull away. It lasted for about a year, and he ended up breaking her heart. Later, he apparently cheated on his wife again later and they got divorced.

She was a bit nervous about telling me this because she is embarrased about it and it's not a part of her life that she's proud of. I guess wanted to be honest with me, which I appreciate. We've only being going out for a couple of weeks, and I am really fond of her [she's now 25 to my 26].

I told her that I would need to think about it, but that I would probably be okay with it. The truth of the matter is that it bothers me. I know the past is the past, but I view infedility as highly immoral, and altho it wasn't her betraying someone's trust directly, she was part of the equation. I feel dirty when I think about it, and was just hoping for a little guidance. Anyone?

2007-10-22 07:21:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

18 answers

I actually think this says good things about both of you. It's good that you view infidelity as immoral, and yes she does bear some guilt in that situation. However, no one is perfect. There are many cliches I could invoke here, but I think the most appropriate one is "To err is human, to forgive, divine". God forgives the penitent their sins, and so should you. I know it's pretty hard sometimes, but that's because we're sinful too, and all too prone to holding grudges and judging others. Her willingness to come forward about this is good and bodes well for your future, if you can forgive her. I think she has probably learned and grown as a result of her mistake, and you should appreciate that.

2007-10-22 08:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Everyone has a past. We called it an affair cos the other party is married and name it relationship when both are single. HaHa.
When you really loves a person, is not something that one can control especially when you know that the 2 cannot be together. Maybe your gf only wanted a moment with the guy she once loves.
If the guy is not married, are you going to hv a different impression of her. U feel dirty becos she is not a virgin and not other reasons. She been hurt enough. Don hurt her anymore if you cannot protect her as the love of your life.
Love the person for who she is now and future.

2007-10-22 07:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Everybody makes mistakes. If she was willing to tell you about it and says she feels embarrased, it tells me that she's wishing to put closure to that part of her past and move on. She was just out of a relationship and probably vulnerable. He probably made her feel special and she was blinded by it. If you want to hold it against anybody hold it against the man. He probably knew that she was lonely and preyed on her insecurities. Cut her some slack. People grow up a lot between 20 and 25 and if she's given you no reason to doubt her until now, let it drop.

2007-10-22 07:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by CAITLIN 5 · 0 0

Before you make any decisions regarding how you feel on this, give it more time. A couple of weeks is not a good solid basis for any kind of determination. If you don't catch her in any lies, and no other "ex-es" show up in conversation, you might be safe in trusting that this was a one-time goof. Sounds like you've got good morals and should stick to them as tightly as you can. Remember the old saying "It takes two to tango". She was not faultless in going into that situation.
Good luck!

2007-10-22 07:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by sixftrd 2 · 0 0

This happened five years ago and shes already told you about it after dating a few weeks that could mean she really cares about you and doesn't want to keep any secrets, or she just thinks you should know about it. you say shes not proud of what she did and unless shes giving you a reason to hold it over her head then don't. Just tell her how you feel about the whole thing and be honest about it.

2007-10-22 07:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Get over yourself. In a nice way of course :D
If she was nice enough to tell you, then just accept it. People do things all the time that there not proud of, I know I have. Thing is though, you can't change it. No matter how much you want to. If you like her as much as you say, then you won't let some petty little information f*ck it up

2007-10-22 07:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by Adelina 1 · 0 0

She has vested a great deal of trust in you simply by telling you her sad tale. If it really is a long-dead matter -- and it certainly appears to be -- then you can either reciprocate her trust with your own right now, or you can abandon whatever future goodness may lie with her for a speedbump long ago in her past (in which there wasn't a lot of smart judgement going on, but no one got hurt and there's no leftover bits to crop up and make trouble later).

She, wiser for her past, wants to be with you, now. Does anything else really matter?

2007-10-22 07:31:53 · answer #7 · answered by Chipmaker Authentic 7 · 0 0

well maybe you should be looking for a girl at the church house...everyone has some kind of past..and has lots of things that they are not proud of...so maybe you should be looking for someone more like you that don't make mistakes.,,,when someone cant be open and honest ppl. wonder why ppl lie...cause to many of us don't want to hear the truth.....id rather have someone that is open and honest now and forever....i would be warning her about you if she would be asking this question about you for herself...well she is telling you this cause it bothers her about what she did....this happens to married ppl. alot...get over it or let her be...

2007-10-22 07:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

She is older now and I'm sure there are things your your past you would not want her to hold against you. If you really care for her give her a chance. People do grow up and learn from their mistakes (most people anyway) Good luck

2007-10-22 07:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by ryeeeeit 3 · 0 0

If you were a perfect angel before you met her, then I could see where you might feel the need to hold it against her. No, YOU should not hold it against her, YOU weren ot hurt by it.

HOWEVER.....
look deep before you leap..as Judge Maybelline says

An affair with a married man tells you something about her character.

2007-10-22 07:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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