How should parents act when their teens do something really bad?

Question

I mean something really bad that disappoints you, like being mean to other people, showing irresponsability, dishonesty, thinhs that can even hurt and damage other people. Should we show all of our disappontment, give a harsh punishment, ane even say things like you don't deserve my trust, is not worth my respect? Or should we handle things differently?

Should we forgive in case of sincere regret?

Answer 1

First of all, there are a lot of moms and dads on this forum that tried to be "best friends" with their kids and are shocked that their kids have turned out to be total spoiled brats.

The parents who leave the parenting to the school system and the kids' peers, will indeed reap what they sow. They will spend more time hauling the kids to rehab clinics, bailing them out of jail, and probably supporting the little rats into their 30s.

You cannot be best friends with your children... you can be their ally, but not a friend.

Truth is, you only have so many years to use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across.

You provide for all of their needs, so while they are under your roof, the kids must obey your rules. They must go to school, keep their grades up, do their homework, pick up after themselves and do whatever chores you ask of them. If they will not comply, the door is that-a-way. You have to handle rebellions hard and fast.

Answer 2

Well, by the time they are teens they really need to start practicing extra hard for real life. What's going to happen to them if they do the same thing and they are 19 or 25 or 57? I'm sure that there have already been some real life consequences. Play on those and let the teen take responsibility for fixing it. For instance, if he is in jail, then give him a few dimes to call some lawyers and figure out how many hours of grunt labor it will take to pay off his debt for legal services.

Answer 3

Take away the things your teen loves most. In my family, there are four teens. Each teen has something different than the others that they do not want to lose. I can't stand to be without my music. So when I get in trouble, my music is what gets taken away. My brother loves skateboarding, so when he gets into trouble, his skateboard gets taken away.

Punishment can not be the same for each person. Kids also need to know physical punishment. Not a beating, but a nice quick pop to the butt. I am almost 17 and my mom would not hesitate one second to pop me a good one. And I respect her for that and do my best not to cross her.

Answer 4

Well as far as I know, ALL parents forgive their children, no matter what their sins may be.

However, the best thing a parent can do for a child who does something wrong is to hold him/her accountable for his/her actions, with age appropriate consequesnses.
Furthermore, you need to apply consistancy accross the board, & that includes from both parents.

When one parent is harsh, & the other one is an old softy then the child will quickly learn that, & use that typical inconsistancy to his/her advantage.

When we were raising our son, I applied a "three strikes you're out" approach. So I would warn him when he was about to do something wrong, & say nothing more than "I told you so" on the second similar mistake, & then come down hard on him when he did it again for the third time. That was also inconsistant, & it was a mistake on my part, because he would consistantly push me to the limit on every turn. I could count on him to misbehave over & over again until he hit my limit of patience, & then he would behave himself for a short while until the whole pattern started over again.

This carried on through to his adult life, where he got himself fired from his 1st three jobs. (sound familiar?)
Finally he is with a good company, & has a job that he really values & enjoys. I believe that he has matured enough that he won't do the things that got him fired before, but I can't help but think that my inconsistant parenting methods had a lot to do with his troubled beginnings as an adult.

Dr Phil says something that I think is a good rule to apply here, & it goes: "Children should be able to predict the consequences of their behaviour with 100% accuracy"

That goes for rewards for good behaviour as well as the bad.

There's another one he uses that I think is usefull, & it goes:
"It takes about a hundred "atta-boys" to undo the affects of just one "you're not good enough"".

Here's a link to more on the subject of parenting from Dr Phil.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/category/4/

Enjoy!

Answer 5

Typically - and contrary to the first answer - parents ARE, in fact, the best friends children have - they are also examples of adulthood and guides. If you can truly befriend your child - you can avoid many of the disciplinary pitfalls strict disciplinarians set themselves up to fall in to. Demanding fealty and loyalty and slave-like obedience from a child will drive more of them to 'rehab and jail' than honest friendship, open communication, unconditional love and - above all - mutual respect. Children are people, too - they need guidance - not demands. Be kind and just and THEN you will reap rewards.

Answer 6

We all need to forgive those we love.

It would depend upon what the teenaged child did. The punishment ought to equal the crime, i think.

When my kids were teens, we talked things through. I wasn't always the perfect parent or person, so i let them know i made mistakes, too.


We can't shun our teenagers or toss them out of their lives for making mistakes. Every parent on earth made their share growing up, too. Parents need to take this into consideration, also.

take care.

Answer 7

forgiveness can happen but punishment is needed...amke it swift