I am 22. I try to be a good girl and strict to my values by focus schooling, working, making my parent proud, being a virgin, being faitful to the one I love...
But it seems like the persons whom I love do not even acknowledge my values. Moreover, they end up hate me.
First..
This guy and I love each other for three years. I told him a long time ago --"I am not ready for a relationship because I want to accomplish my goals" He wants to wait for me. He waited for three years. Recently, he gave up. I have tried to explain to him, but he does not want to talk to me anymore.
Second..
This guy likes me for four years. I have been telling him many many times that "I just want to be friend" "You are my good friend" he did not understand and accept the facts. He tries to take advantage from me. When I defensed myself, he was angry. He did not want to talk to me anymore.
As a result, I end up being the bad person.
What can I do? What can I learn from these situation?
2007-10-22 06:37:09 · 20 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is human nature to be driven by desire. You also must defend your integrity. Look at it as an on going battle that never ends. Wait until your married. Any way it sounds like its time to move on.
2007-10-22 07:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A 22 year old is rare so I applaud you. I wish I would have done that. I had a kid at 22. You are a very goal oriented person which is really good but as you have seen it has its down sides. Try living a little, go out on dates, have fun. You are only 22 this is supposed to be the best time of your life. Maybe there is a way for you balance a relationship, work and school. Just because you get in a relationship does not mean you have to lose your virginity. Find a guy that accepts your decision and respects them an go from there.
2007-10-22 06:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys will be guys is what you can learn. I have found that most guys will be attracted to a woman at first, but when the relationship does not move forward physically fast enough for them....they lose interest. Not all guys are like that, but many are.
If they choose not to talk to you anymore, you can consider it their loss. If you are just being a responsible and moral person and they cannot respect that, then it just might be better that they move on.
Do not be discouraged. There are good, understanding people who will value you as a friend... and they will stay by your side. These are the best friends. Although they are few and far between, they are out there... and you deserve it!
2007-10-22 06:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can keep doing what your are doing, being focus on achieving your goals and making your parents proud. You can learn that one guy those not love you enough to wait for you or help you succeed in life by supporting your goals and believes. As for the second guy, he is no friend of yours if he's tying to take advantage of you and you should be able to tell that he only has one thing in mind with you. Be strong and brave! You're one in a few that still has some good morals. Believe in yourself and move on so that you can reach your goals.
2007-10-22 06:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by Menace21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first guy i think just got tired of waiting....he had his own goals that could have possibly been starting a family or settling down and well maybe he was just tired of waiting for you and is going to find someone who has the same goals as he does
the second guy just sounds like a not so good friend if he takes advantage of you and then doesn't talk to you anymore b/c you don't want to be his gf....this guy has the problem not you....
you win some and you lose some....it sucks that ya got to lose 2 friends, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.
2007-10-22 06:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by SaMi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's quite reasonable for the first guy to give up. He has already waited for 3 years, yet he is not sure if he will succeed in waiting for you.
For the second guy, i think he does not really like you. If he does, he will not try to take advantage of you or even get angry at all.
If you have goals to accomplish, you should stay away from relationship and stuff. You should be concerned about your goals first
2007-10-22 06:46:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be proud of yourself. You have set goals and values that you find to be of the utmost importance nad have stuck to them.
It is hard to lose those that you care about because they can't understand why you are the way you are, but then again they were never your friends to begin with.
You are not a bad person because you have always be upfront and honest with them, they are just hurt and are taking it out on you.
Lesson to learn:
Find friends that have similar values as you - they will be more supportive and probably know of someone who would be a perfect fit for you (when you are ready to date).
2007-10-22 06:44:58 · answer #7 · answered by julie744527 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First one, doesn't make you a bad person, but I think you're hurting yourself. Goals are important, and you should focus on them, but sacrificing a good relationship for it, a relationship with someone who would be there to support you when the going gets tough, that may be a mistake.
Second, that guy is messed up, not your fault in the slightest if he can't understand that no means no and just to accept it.
2007-10-22 06:55:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way are you being a bad person. You should be proud of your morals, and any man worth having a REAL relationship with should also be proud that you are saving yourself for the right time and place. Career goals are important too and I see no reason why you should give up a chosen path for someone who wants to pull you away from it. Please stick to your goals, both personal and professional. It will be worth the wait, and if you gave in and gave up on your goals, you will never be completely happy. You go girl!!!!!!
2007-10-22 07:04:56 · answer #9 · answered by sixftrd 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can learn that being assertive and true to your values does not make you a bad person... it only makes you an assertive person who is true to her values.
I recommend taking martial arts to protect yourself from those men who would not take no for an answer.
In the meantime, stay on course. The best men are those who have been tested in adversity and still retain their honor. I would suggest that you enlist. The military will help to reinforce your focus, the chaplains there will reinforce your values in the absence of your parents, and maybe after a few years you can find a better man there.
Good Luck!
2007-10-22 07:01:09 · answer #10 · answered by The Eternal Squire 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, guy #1 seems like a decent guy. But it's not fair to expect him to wait and pine away for you. If you care about him, then you should care about his happiness - even if it involves being with someone other than you. Hurts, but you have to think about what you'd want if your positions were reversed and you were the one being told to wait for years.
Guy #2 on the other hand, seems like a total jerkoff. He seems like he has no grasp on how to respect your feelings, and seems like he has an entitlement complex. If he got angry at you for defending yourself....that just proves that you can do better.
You are not a bad person for defending yourself. But what you can do is figure out what exactly you want. If you are focused on goals, then you're going to have to either completely focus on them and be up front about not wanting a relationship, or you're going to have to figure out how to fit relationships into your schedule.
2007-10-22 07:00:51 · answer #11 · answered by Lex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋