This is reposted for clarity... the answers I were getting made me feel my questions was to vague.
My Situation: My Co-worker (the groom) is getting married on Dec. 22 in the Bahamas. (it is a very small office and we are all close) They are only having family attend and were originally going to have a reception here but are now NOT going to. They even set a registry. They are having Bridal showers & such (even a bridal type shower for the groom but manly) for those who cannot go to the wedding instead. (Both friends & Family)
Also- I just go married in June and they came to my wedding and got me a gift (towels valued at about $40) and I invited the bride to my shower but she did not come nor get me a card or gift for that.
So should I get them a gift... I dont think I should because I am not celebrating with them at all... no shower no reception nothing... what should I do???
2007-10-22 06:24:58 · 18 answers · asked by k_immi_e 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
ps. i was not invited to the bridal shower (which was this past weekend) although I am a lil close with the bride ( i work with the groom) and he told me today at work they got ALOT of stuff at the party
2007-10-22 06:27:32 · update #1
Gifts are given because you appreciate the person/people who you are sending the gift to. You shouldnt feel obligated to bring a gift, you should gift because you want to.
If your breaking down "well she got me this, and didnt invite me here or do that..." dont even worry about it! You're just asking us for permission for you to not send a gift. If you dont want to, than dont. If you want to...than get them something you'd think they want, not something that equals the $40 they spent on you.
2007-10-22 07:51:44 · answer #1 · answered by loki_only1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know--since they did get you a gift not very long ago--even though you aren't close....I think you should at least be the office organizer.
Talk to your co-workers and see if anyone would like to get them a gift. If several people are willing to throw in 5-10, you should too. Be the person who picks out the gift and buys it and purchases it. The person who buys the card and gets everyone to sign it. Thats quite a task.
I don't usually feel you should ever be obligated to get a gift. Our office is very small and while none of us are close friends, we do always invite everyone (a group invite) to all weddings and such. Traditionally, no one ever goes but we send the invite and so there are no harsh feelings.
However in your case, you had a big wedding and invited them. They are having a small intimate wedding. But had they invited you, you would not have flown to the Bahamas. But you would have gotten them a gift and gone to the local reception to make it even. So now even though they aren't, I think you should get them a little something.
Our boss always goes to weddings and he is a big spender. It doesn't mean that everyone gives him back stuff b/c he makes a lot more. If your coworker makes a lot more, perhaps a $40 gift isn't much to him. But if I were you, I'd get an office pool going and see if anyone wants to contribute a few bucks. You might be able to get a bigger gift and the guilt you feel will go away.
If no one in your office does contribute, get them a little something off their registry.
2007-10-22 06:52:31 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give them a wedding gift when they come back. If they got you a gift, it's only polite to reciprocate.
You can probably just buy them something small, like a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates and say it's too continue the romance, or something like that. It doesn't have to be as expensive as it would have been had you gone to the wedding.
As far as for the bridal/groom showers, if you weren't invited, you do not need to get them a gift for the showers.
2007-10-22 07:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by luckystar 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! They're ONLY inviting family to a destination wedding and they're still having a shower?! Holy wow, that's tacky!! (As I'm sure you're well aware since you've been through it. Okay, I'm over it now).
Gift giving is never, ever, ever, ever required of you - whether you're invited or not. It's customary, yes, and it's what's normally done, but it's not required. Gifts are given because the giver wants the recipeint to have it. End of sentence.
With that said, it would certainly be very kind of you to purchase them a small gift and a card with sincere wishes. You're welcome, of course, to peek at the couple's registry, or even purchase something on your own (a nice bottle of wine & some glasses, or a gift certificate for a nice dinner when they return from their honeymoon, perhaps?). It's entirely up to you, but don't feel obligated to do so!
2007-10-22 06:53:25 · answer #4 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not obligated to get them a gift... however I got married on a cruise ship and could not invite my office friends either. If you would like to make it look like you care with out busting your wallet... then talk to the others you work with. If each of you stick $10 in the card and sign it... then that is a nice gift from the office and way to say congrats. with out feeling the pressure of paying for a gift on your own. That is what they guys did here for my wedding, and what we do now when there is a baby on the way or a wedding. Its a good way to say "we care" with out feeling the pressure of a gift. Good luck hun. Hope this helps.
2007-10-22 06:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by shadowsthathunt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not obligated to get a gift.
First, noone should be invited to a shower who isn't also invited to the wedding and/or reception and it is more traditional to either get a wedding gift or shower gift but not both. Although many people think they need to do both- also, if she didn't come to the shower, she had no obligation to give a card or gift for that....just saying.
If I were you, I'd send a card congratulating them and I probably wouldn't give a gift.
2007-10-22 06:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by LB 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it were me, I'd at least get a card or something along those lines. The reason I say this is because I was upset when a co-worker did not come to my wedding but my other co-workers did. I commented on her absence and asked if she was okay? They told me she said she never got my invite.
I felt bad and made sure she got a party favour anyway because I did invite her. Same with my MIL's cousin - she was invited as well but never got her invitation.
2007-10-22 06:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by hummingbirdsweetie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give a gift if you want to. Just because you are not going to the shower or the reception or anything does not mean you do not have to give a gift.
If you are CLOSE to this person, give a gift.
If you are NOT close to this coworker, just give a card.
2007-10-22 15:35:35 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually if you are not invited to the shower or wedding or such then they should not be expecting a gift from you but it doesn't mean you can't send them one...just depends on how kind you are :)
2007-10-22 06:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by Generaznx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should get them a gift. I would pick something from the registry in the $30-50 range.
2007-10-22 10:29:44 · answer #10 · answered by berrel 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋