Everyone I know is getting married but none of these couples have been together as long as my boyfriend and I. They have all got engaged within the first 2 years of being together and I'm so happy for them but I'm still waiting for my proposal after much longer than this. I know all couples progress at their own pace, but does a longer dating period mean that a man just isn't that passionate about his relationship with you?
2007-10-22 06:21:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Please don't think that I want to get married because my friends are. I don't want a big, showy wedding/ring/dress either, I just want to be married to the man I love.
2007-10-22 06:23:48 · update #1
Some reasons:
-He is simply not ready to get married. You may have begun dating very young. Just because you have been together a certain amount of time, it doesn't mean he is at the point where marriage is the next step.
-He feels pressure. He knows that you expect it. Perhaps he even is planning a huge surprise proposal, but is waiting for the right time to pull it off.
-He is unsure about his future with you, if you are the one, if the marriage will work out (are his parents divorced?), his career, his education...
-Are you living together? That can be a deal breaker for some couples who hope to get married. Guys nowadays (in general) are more like children than adults. They want everything handed to them and done for them. They live at home, or live with their girlfriend. But they have little incentive to propose when they are already getting everything they want (i.e. sex, meals, companionship, etc.) as it is. As the saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
It sounds like your man may either have issues with himself or your relationship, or simply be the type of man who is not in a rush to be married (if young, this is not as much of a problem).
If you are older than 23, beware the man who dates you for 5 years and never once brings up marriage. Some men NEVER want to get married. And you need to know this. There are exceptions of course, but most men know they want to propose within 2 years into a serious relationship. And they usually DO it if they are settled and serious about you. I was proposed to after 1 year.
If you are finishing school, or just graduated etc., then wait it out. But if he is done school, has a good job, and seems settled, then you may have a mismatch.
It's really hard to say....different men are different for different reasons. It may or may not be true that the relationship has lost its passion. Many sources say that the 2.5 year mark is when many couples either get engaged or break up.
2007-10-22 06:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about it? If you guys have been together for a lot of years, you should have that conversation. It can be nerve-wracking to bring up, but it's for your sanity. Believe me, I know how you feel.
If you live together it may be that the guy is procrastinating. That's why my fiance did. He was in no rush and kept saying he'd ask me in a month or two months. It's not that he wasn't ready or financially stable, just lazy. We both had steady jobs, plenty of money, an apartment together, and two dogs. He wasn't being a commit-o-phobe either since he wanted to buy a house before we even got engaged. So I told him one weekend that we should go look at rings. And it went smoothly after that. This is the 21st century. It's ok to have some say in your future. You don't need to rely totally on the guy. It took my fiance a little while to get used to the whole idea of getting married, especially since none of his friends were married yet, but now he's super excited. We'll be 24 when we get married in May, if that gives you any kind of perspective.
EDIT: And when you bring up the subject, bring it up at a time when you're both relaxed, and whatever you do, don't accuse him of not loving you or anything of that nature.
2007-10-22 16:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jennies 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he hasn't popped the question yet, while some of our friends have gotten engaged after only 8 months of dating or are already married and were only together for a year and a half. I don't want to get married just because everyone else is, I'm not a "jump on the band wagon" type of girl. It's just that like you, after a while you start wondering "hey, we've been together a lot longer than them, why hasn't he proposed yet". Finally I just brought it up to my boyfriend. He said that he wanted it to be special, he doesn't want anyone else taking our "spotlight". Guess what? We're gonna be looking at rings this week...
I don't think it's that your boyfriend loves you any less than these other guys love their ladies... I think it's that he's more romantic, and he knows how much better it's going to be going into a marriage knowing the ins and outs of each other than rushing in like your friends and possibly ruining it because it was to soon.
I would suggest casually bringing it up. When I did I said something like..."Do you find it weird that all of these people are getting married and engaged and they haven't even been together half as long as we have, I wonder what they think that we aren't engaged yet"? It's a simple way to get his opinion without seeming like you are putting any pressure on him.
2007-10-22 13:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Infatuation 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend (now fiancee) proposed after 10 years of dating....So I can feel the pain of waiting. Mind you, we were 16 when we started dating. All of my friends started getting married when I was 20. We ended up having a discussion about what we both wanted and decided that we wanted to wait until after he finished pharmacy school and we both had been working for at least 6 months. We're getting married in February and it has been worth every dating minute so far. It may help you to have a conversation with your boyfriend about your wants and needs. It doesn't mean he loves you less, he may just be waiting for something (i.e. graduation if you guys are in college or a stable job)...
2007-10-22 14:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can give you a practical example of a valid case why he would wait, it is based on Orthodox Judaism.
Ancient Jewish Law dictated that a man could not marry until he was able to first buy a house for his wife to live in. Since it could take years to buy a house, this basically ensured that a man had a secure enough standard of living to support a marriage.
Two people do not live as cheaply as one, they actually spend three times as much money together as any single person. Add to this the financial needs when children arrive, and you can see how many men would rather wait until they have finished thier education and have made thier bones in thier chosen field.
Good Luck!
2007-10-22 13:45:21 · answer #5 · answered by The Eternal Squire 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, but it may mean the two of you are not a match - if marriage is something you want, and he doesn't.
Usually, after a mature couple dates two or three years the max, they know if they are suited for marriage or not. Otherwise, why hang around... Often it's more of a problem if the couple is shacking up...
He may just be enjoying the passion, but not feeling the commitment... time for a serious talk with him.
2007-10-23 08:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many reasons why it takes some people longer than others to propose. My fiance and I were together for a year before he proposed to me. Its just all about timing. When he feels the time is right, he will propose. Just be patient.
2007-10-22 14:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it does not mean he doesnt want to marry you. He probably feels like you already are if you have been together so long, or there may be underlying issues HE has that prevents him from asking. I was with my hubby for 7 years and 2 kids later before we married. And i to got tired of waiting for him to ask so one day when he came home I told him the next day we were going to the Justice of the peace to be married,(waiting for him to be upset that I was demanding) he looked at me and said that's ok babe, cuz to me we already are, lets go get you the piece of paper that says so.
2007-10-22 13:32:02 · answer #8 · answered by Doh Doh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course not!
My fiance proposed to me after FOUR YEARS of dating!
It does not mean we love each other any less than those getting engaged after a month, six months, a year, or two years!
Have you TALKED about marriage yet? Even HINTED at it?
2007-10-22 22:32:58 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is a life long commitment that I believe is taken to lightly these days. It may be that he wants to wait just to be sure. But it could also be that he just might want the milk without buying the cow. He might just need to be given the ultimatum. If he's really throwing a fit about it, it may be time to move on. Especially if he's not that passionate with you!
2007-10-22 13:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by The Midnight Rider 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋