what do you do when neither of your options are gonna make you happy?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and we already live together . he has this friend of his that is a girl, that has been his friend for a few years, not sure how many though. him and her have had sex in the past a few times. the last time they did was about a year before he met me. I have never been comfortable with the fact that they are friends. especially since whenever she is single they start talking more again. he figured if me and her became friends i would see there is nothing there and be ok with it . i was for awhile but sometimes it still bothers me and i dont know what to do about it.the one rule we have about this is that he can't hang with her without me . But i am still uncomfortable with this. he says that if its gonna me me want to leave him, then he won't be friends with her anymore. but he gets angry about it. i dont want him to resent me for making him give up his friend. but i dont want to always get upset about this either . i just dont know

Answer 1

If he's encouraging you to spend time with her, then he's trying to show you that there is nothing going on. I would be concerned when he starts to hide her from you. Try to treat her as you would any of his friends. Get to know her a bit, this may help you get past their past together.

When you do get to know her, if it still makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it. You should be able to figure out from her if they are finished with the sexual part of their relationship or if she's holding out hope that he will see that "she is the one for him". When you are clear on her intentions, then you should know what you need to ask him to do.

Don't ask him to give up any friends without being clear that they are a real threat to your relationship and have the proof of the threat rather than the vague "I'm uncomfortable" excuse. Driving her away without a real reason to, will just make him see her in secret and that will force an affair that you are obviously afraid will happen.

Answer 2

You need to be more secure. They were friends before you. I'm guessing you've had sex with other guys before him. Let them be friends.