First of all my family is divorced. I have always gone to my dad's side Christmas Eve. My fiance also celebrates Christmas Eve with his family. Every year we end up spending so much time at mine, we miss most of his. This year is his nephews first christmas and would like to be there for that, but my family gets so upset if I don't spend the hole time with them! I've tried to meet in the middle by having it at our house, have it earlier anything but my family won't budge! Advice?
2007-10-22 05:47:12 · 12 answers · asked by Mrs K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a grandmother with five grandchildren. This year my son married a woman with two children. Both of my children ahve loving in-laws and my sons three daughters and two step children have othergrandparents.
This was a big issue when my daughter married. She had inlaws that went to different places for Christmas Eve and she wanted to spend the holidays with her husband. I feel like Christmas should be about the memories that "YOU" want to make. You should be able to make those choices without worrying who would be hurt. We used to celebrate Christmas Eve, but my sons inlaws and my daughter's inlaws celebrate on Christmas Eve. Christmas is a season, you can celebrate it anytime. I think in fairness to your husband's family-your family should understand or make their celebration earlier so that you can spend equal time with both. Better yet, Tell your family you have decided to stay home this year. Have everyone over to your house. Traditions don't have to be forever, you can make your own traditions. Go where you want to go, I love first christmas with a child, those times only come once. Cherish the moment. Enjoy YOUR Christmas, make it yours -not someone elses.
Have a Merry Christmas!
2007-10-23 10:58:44 · answer #1 · answered by GrammieN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to remember that your future is with your fiancé. He is going to be your immediate family. Our patents and siblings are still important but our spouses (or future spouses) need to come first. There are three choices that may work here.
~Spend Christmas Eve with your family and Christmas day with his family and then switch the next year.
~Spend Christmas Eve with his family this year and your family next year. (this is what we did)
~Go to his family's gathering first so you can make sure to spend an equal amount of time with both families. Then you have the rest of the evening to spend with your family.
There is one other option…Kind of a tough one…..INSIST on having it at your house with both families. If they won't budge then they miss out.
The main point here is that the happiness of you and your fiancé needs to come first with the two of you. You cannot let family ties hurt that or your future will be pretty difficult! One day you will have little ones of your own and you will want to have the gathering at your home anyway so now is the time to do what is best for the two of you and hope the others understand.
2007-10-22 06:07:14 · answer #2 · answered by mzfreefalling 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to make your own traditions. Your family is playing an emotional tug of war and you are going to have to gently but firmly help them get over the fact that you are now a grown up and need to do what's best for you.
Now I will point out two things. A first Christmas is usually disappointing because, its a baby and frankly it just doesn't care. I don't know what you think you will be doing but the baby depending on its age will sleeping, eating and needing its diaper changed. It might enjoy some of the flurry if he's 1 or close to it, but more likely the added stimulation will just probably set him off.
The other thing to consider is that I don't know when you are getting married, but you may be married by next year. That's the time to start pulling back from each of your families and create your own traditions. Your family may be contributing more to the wedding than his, and I would (just being realistic not greedy) consider how hurt feelings will impact that. You are still their child and not his wife and their daughter in law. Your families don't get blended until marriage happens. I would go to your fathers in two cars. You stay while your fiance leaves early and goes to his family. After another hour or whatever seems right, you leave and go to his. You both sacrifice and if anyone has a problem with this simply tell them that you cannot choose and you did the best you can to work it out, end of story. Don't apologize for living your life.
When you have your own children you are probably going to want to make christmas for them, and that will mean making harder decisions regarding family. I did not take my children out on Christmas Eve for many years because it just didn't work for us. My father once called me and told me I was ruining my mothers Christmas. I am one of 6, she has tons of grandchildren and is a grown woman and I was ruining Christmas because I just could not stay up all night after coming home(an hours drive both ways)sometimes in 10degree weather and snowy conditions with children in a broken down car. I allowed myself to ruin her christmas and was able to be there for my own children. Don't fall for that stuff.
Good luck!
2007-10-22 06:30:15 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this will only get worse when you guys are married and then when you have kids, so you and your fiance need to figure out together what works for the two of you, then present a united front to the rest of the world
your family is going to have to come to the realization that you now have a 'relationship' and Christmas will never be the same again
good luck
2007-10-22 05:53:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ideal circumstance would be what my parents and in-laws did... the in-laws celebrated on Christmas Eve, while my folks celebrated on Christmas Day. Each had their own holiday feast and gift exchange after dinner. Always ideal.
The biggest family should hold theirs on Christmas Day, to give the cooks more time to slow-roast the turkey and to pull the feast together.
The other possibility... drag your group in to the other one and all celebrate it together.
2007-10-22 05:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your family will just have to understand that you are also a part of someone els's family now. i like the idea that someone made of making your own traditions.
maybe spend a lot of time at his family's house and try to go to your family's on christmas day?
2007-10-22 07:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hiya, I thoroughly comprehend the place you're coming from. i've got been questioning something comparable. My concern is a splash diverse, on the grounds that my courting slipped right into a funk. (it relatively is on the restoration, regardless of the undeniable fact that! And we are doing large.) it relatively is puzzling to assert no remember if or no longer she has a precise to be indignant with you. What I propose by making use of it relatively is you won't be able to relatively replace the undeniable fact that she's indignant. You did no longer respond to her in a incorrect way. Christmas is for households. In that comprehend, there must be a splash supply and soak up a courting. i'm undecided how previous you're, and it would not relatively remember. she is going to ought to improve up a splash, and comprehend that your loved ones is as substantial to you as hers is to her. In that comprehend, she additionally needs to be attentive to that she's substantial, too. in case you have advised her this, and he or she would not have self belief you, then you ought to in all probability decrease ties together with her. If she's keen to hearken to reason, then in line with probability you 2 ought to devise a splash "Christmas" at the same time, despite if it is not on Christmas Eve/Day. for example, my lady buddy and that i've got become at the same time on Thursday (12/27/12) to spend "Christmas" at the same time. She had her family contributors party on Christmas Day, and that i had mine the Saturday before Christmas. Neither people spent any of that factor with the different's family contributors. This wasn't a concern for us. It does no longer propose you like your better half any much less purely on the grounds which you're actually not area-by making use of-area for Christmas Eve/Day. many people won't be able to spend the vacations with their lady buddy/boyfriend. In factor, attempt speaking to her. reason together with her in case you are able to. in case you won't be able to, flippantly tell her to touch you while she's keen to talk with a point head. Relationships are all approximately communique. Plan a "Christmas" at the same time after your respective family contributors celebrations, and bypass out purely the two considered one of you. Have dinner. replace presents. Do despite it relatively is you desire to try this day, and experience each and every others business enterprise then. wish that facilitates and is no longer too previous due! Merry Christmas!
2016-10-07 09:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never win this tug of war and someone is bound to be sore with your decision. Try alternating years. Go to you fiance's house this year and have it at your family's house next year. Talk to your fiance and do what make's you guys happy.
2007-10-22 05:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by DAR76 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind the people on your dad's side of the family that you are married and your husband also has a family to enjoy that day, too.
If they don't get it, maybe they have not matured much emotionally since kindergarten? Cant change them.
2007-10-22 05:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both families have to accept that you are married and need to spend time with each family, so either you celebrate in your house or alternate. maybe try xmas with your family and New year with his ?
2007-10-22 06:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by aunt_webby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋