My girlfriend wants to join the Army!?

Question

My girlfriend wants to join the Army and i know its selfish but i dont want her too!

She says she wants a career and its something she wanted to do for years, i'm worried about her safety.

I'm also worried she will meet someone else with all those blokes around her.

Should i try to change her mind? Should i leave her as it could be too hard and honestly i dont think distance relationships work? Or should i try my best to make it work? i do love her....

No, i'm not in the forces.

Answer 1

1. IF you're seriously concerned about her safety, you should talk to her about it, but in a concerned way...NOT in a controlling, forceful way.

2. IF you LOVE her, you SHOULD be able to trust her enough to let her leave without worrying about whether she'll meet someone else.

3. If you're considering leaving her because you don't think long-distance relationships work, you probably don't truly believe you will be married, so maybe you should be considering leaving her all-together, because she needs and deserves someone who is willing to go through anything with her.

Answer 2

If you love her, support her. If you don't then she will figure out that what else in life won't you support her in? Be a man, step up to the plate and give her what she needs. A man that will stand by her through thick and thin.
As far as her meeting someone else, if it is going to happen, it will happen whether she is in the military or not. Don't go looking for things that aren't there. If it is there, it will surface in time.
Let her worry about her safety. You just need to be there for her when she comes home.
Why does it have to be a long distance relationship. Once she finishes training, what is stopping you from joining up with her at her duty station? Guess it is okay for the woman to do that, but God forbid a guy doing that. This is not the 50's, my friend. Hold her too close and you smother her.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Are you in the UK? My sister was in the army for several years working as a med-tech and left a couple of years ago as a Corporal. You're quite right that a distance relationship won't work, if she joins then that's that, you won't really see her again. She'll get posted and re-posted around the UK and you'll lose touch in less than a year.

My advice (to her) if she joins: Buy your own equipment because the stuff they provide you with is straight out of Dads Army. If you're not physically strong and you're worried about damaging your back, forget it, those backpacks are about 10 times heavier than any Health & Safety regulations would allow if the army had H&S regulations - bloody dangerous.
Do NOT join as an ordinary squaddie, that's the crappiest job going and you'll get a far better career by going into the technical side - not to mention better provisions and accommodation.

Answer 4

My ex is in the Marines so I speak from experience. It's a big commitment but if you're serious you can make it work. Just realize that you may be committing to a distance relationship and sometimes no contact. It's hard but I believe things work if you make them.

Worrying about her safety is normal and you do it because you love her but letting her go is right there with loving her as well. She obviously has ambitions and I think if she's determined then you need to let her go...not letting her make her own decisions might lead to her resenting you if she has regrets later on. On the other hand, supporting her can only do her good.

The truth is that only you two can work it out between you and it is a big step. As for wondering if you love her, only you can decide that. Search your soul and find out what's there for her when all the in-love feelings are gone.

Answer 5

Lets think hard about who is truly being selfish....Well? So, "you" are saying and proving that you don't support her, right? And this is because you don't trust her, or your insecure within? In some respect to your "humanly" ways I guess this would pass as a person who cares only because you threw in your worries in on about her safety. Yeah so, you can try to change her mind but her being an adult I believe she should be able to make that decision on her own. Okay, I have to addmit or understand that her decision can effect your relationship, but, thats if you let it..Your worry is what will kill you before life will. Are all couples suppose worry whether there significant other is going to leave them for someone else? Isn't that crazy? Should it be that way? I mean you can bring your worries to the table and maybe the both of you can meet ends with an agreement...

Answer 6

You have a choice to try to make it work or just end it now. If you try to talk her out of it and fail she will feel you don't support her; if you succeed she will sooner or later have regrets or second thoughts and it will be your fault she didn't get to try to fulfill her dream. The only real choices are to support it or break up now; I can't tell you which to do but if you really do love her the question s do you want to go through life without her. BTW-If you were the female and it was your boyfriend the advice would be the same.

Answer 7

Tell her how you feel. You also need her to be happy. If not doing this will make her unhappy that in itself will cause problems between you because she will constantly blame you for holding her back and ruining her life. Just talk to her maybe your feelings will change her mind if not, just support her. If your relationship is ment to be and you love eachother like you should, you can withstand the longdistance. Not to be harsh and hurt your feelings if it isn't ment to be it doesn't matter if she stays home or leaves you wont stay together, because there are other guys nearby no matter the situation she is in. If you are ment to be this will only test you and make you stronger if you survive. Whichever way it works out, I wish you the best.

Answer 8

For one thing, women don't do active front line combat duties, so she's going to be as safe as anyone else on the base.

Two, if you don't like the thought of her being surrounded by other men, her career is not the issue. You don't trust her.

And three, if you try to change her mind, what she does won't be an issue for you because she'll probably dump you.

Answer 9

you have absolutely ZERO right to convince her to not join the military if that is what she truly wants.

only a truly selfish person would hold someone they claimed to care about back from fulfilling their dreams.

if the relationship is meant to be, it will survive basic training, schooling, deployments and everything else that goes along with being in the military. if it isn't, then move on.

Not everyone is strong enough to be a military spouse. No shame in that.

Answer 10

On the one hand you say you love her. You then shoot down your own argument by indicating that you do not trust her because she will be in the company of other men. Love has to be based on trust otherwise it is doomed to failure. You have no trust, therefore, you have no [real] love.

You are too insecure in your own emotions to make this relationship work so the best thing to do is to let her fulfil her ambition in life and to let her find some happiness doing it.