Help! Am I Shallow and Selfish?

Question

I have absolutely everything in common with this guy... he's just not very attractive. I know he will probably ask me to be his girlfriend soon, and I dont want to lead him on if this isn't going anywhere.
He's everything I could ever want in a boyfriend, except the fact that he's not great looking. Am I being shallow or is it like that for everyone? Should I wait until I find a guy who I find attractive as well? Ever since we started hanging out though, he's more and more attractive because of his personality. I'm not saying he's ugly, I'm just saying I usually date better looking guys.
What should I do? Help!

Answer 1

Yes! That is the definition of shallow and selfish. Silly cooze.

Answer 2

If he is everything you want in a guy, then keep going with it. Sometimes the very attractive ones are very shallow or pretty much into themselves more. You just never know what can happen with this guy, could be good for you..if things don't work out then chalk it up to experience and then find your attractive guy, who may not treat you as well. Good luck.

Answer 3

Everyone has preferences. This is one area where women have a little more luck than men do. You didn't find him physically attractive but you said yourself you are starting to find him attractive because of his personality. This is why knock out women are often seen with ugly dudes. What women do not understand is a man will not find a woman all the sudden attractive because of her great personality. Anyway, My advice to you is to keep things moving slowly. When he asks you about being his GF just tell him that you do like him and that you'd like to keep seeing him but are not ready for titles yet. What the guys you've dated in the past look like is not relevant at this point.

Answer 4

You have to be attracted to the person you're with, plain and simple. However you don't always have to have the Brad Pitt kind of guy. Keep in mind there will always be someone more attractive around the bend no matter who you date. That's why MOST people fall for personalities. But attraction, on some level is important. You could be perceived as shallow.

Answer 5

Let's be honest with ourselves ok? Physical attraction is important to most of us. Myself included. Are we shallow? Maybe. It's who we are and that's that. Does it make us bad or mean to want to have someone we are attracted to? So why force ourselves into a relationship just to suit society if we're going to be unhappy? I say if there's no physical attraction now it's a good indication that, even if you develop an attraction it could diminish as the relationship evolves and before you know it, it pretty much too late. If there's doubt like that I think it's best to move on. However, ultimately it's up to you. Good luck

Answer 6

Well girl.. all I can say is... if you have to ask that question.. you already have your answer..

I myself have been told that I am shallow... when it comes to that so called " physical attraction" but we are adults here.. and we all know that there has to be some kind of physical attraction .. if not.. then it ain't gonna work.. and really it doesn't take a genius to figure that out..

The best advice I can give you is.. follow your heart..

Good luck !!

Answer 7

Your not being shallow at all....Usually the "looks" is what attracts first and thats what makes you want to get to know more about them and there personality. If your not THAT attracted to someone...i dont believe you could be in that great of a relationship...and i think that if he was the guy for you, you wouldnt even be asking this question..good luck !!!

Answer 8

I guess the question here is, are you attractED to him, even though he's not gorgeous? If you are, especially because of his personality, then you should go for it. If you don't want to go out with him simply because you're used to going out with nicer-looking guys, then yes, that is shallow. However, attraction is something that should be there, and if your answer to my question above is no, and you aren't at all attracted to him, then you shouldn't settle. It wouldn't be fair to him or you.
My point is, don't not date someone just because you're used to doing "better," that's all. This all depends on YOUR feelings towards him, not what anyone else thinks.

Answer 9

It's not your fault, I was like that two but I gave my guy a chance and now we have been dating for a year and a half. If you get more attracted to him everyday then maybe your hearts telling you something. I'm saying for you should follow your heart and give him a try, what's the harm? honestly who cares what people think of him. I'm just saying give the guy a try he sounds like a GREAT guy. I hope I helped in some way. GOOD LUCK! :)

Answer 10

The thing that causes so many people to miss out on things that are really GREAT for them is pride...

They're afraid of being seen with somebody who will cause people to talk about them.

My question to u is:
Which would u rather have...a guy who treats u perfectly...loves u, respects u, caters to u...DOESN'T CHEAT on u or hurt u...cares about ur feelings...holds u at night...and treats u like a Queen.....OR...the guy who has a lot of money & a lot of other girlfriends...NICE looking...only calls u when he wants to have sex and calls u "babe" cuz he can't remember ur name?

It shouldn't matter what other people think, because either way it goes, somebody's going to talk about u.

Follow ur heart...don't let pride get in the way of something that can only BENEFIT u.

Answer 11

Does looks matter all? Think of a guy that u shall meet who is good looking but dont treat u nicely. Won't u think that day, the guy u r hanging out now could have been ur person.............? U never gave him a chance bcz he was not good looking.

So, take the suggestion, go for him now. You always have to option to fall back when it starts to go wrong.