I need your opinion on having more kids.?

Question

We have 2 small kids and are thinking about more. We've considered money, stress, etc. My main concern is whether this will benefit my current kids by having more siblings or hurt them by having more siblings. I would like to hear from people with lots of siblings. Did you feel like you didn't get enough "individual" attention growing up? Or did you really love having a big family? I only had one sister and always thought more siblings would have been great. Any input or ideas for bigger families would be appreciated.

Answer 1

I am the youngest of 7 and I love it. Obviously, I'm glad my parents didn't quit at 2 or 3 cuz I wouldn't be here...:). I never felt slighted or didn't get enough attention. My family wasn't well to do financially but my parents budgeted and they managed to get us whatever we needed. We still have great times when we get together at holidays, weddings, etc.

I now have 4 kids of my own. 23, 20, 19 and 11. We manage just fine and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Along with the great times we have together, we are there for each other during times of grief and sorrow. When my father died last year, we had all 7 of us and our kids together to support my mom and each other. Family can be a wonderful support system.

I highly recommend that if you want more children, just do it.

Have a great day!

Answer 2

I grew up in a family with 8 kids. I felt lost and alone most of my life. When we all became adults I found that many of my siblings felt the same way growing up.

On the other hand I know people who grew up in large families and all the kids were and still are friends and loved the atmosphere.

I believe it depends on the parents and how they raise the kids. My parents weren't terribly comfortable with themselves and they didn't know how to communicate effectively. Other parents know how to talk to their kids and to guide them along in life.

This is a very individual decision that only you and your husband can make. Think about what kind of family you want, what kind of parents you are with your current kids and factor that in with all the other things you've already considered. Make a choice that you believe will be right for your family.

Whether or not you decide to have more kids, treat the kids you do have as individuals. Be there for them as much as possible, be sure they know they are loved, listen to them when they need guidance and help them grow into confident individuals with the abiltity to make their own decisions about their lives. No parent is perfect. We can only do the best we know how at the time.

Answer 3

My husband and I have 6 kids between us. I would not recommend it to anyone. It's hard, and I as a mom do feel like there is no way I can give each of them the time they really need or deserve.

I have no regrets and wouldn't trade any of my kids or change anything, but honestly, it doesn't make things easier, we have no savings, we spend over $300 a week for food, tons of money for clothing, etc. It's hard, it's stressful. I feel bad often that I can't give them all the time I wish I could.

I'd say wait a few more years before deciding if you want more. Let your two children get older, more dependent, etc. See how you feel then. You may decide to have another or you may think, hey, our lives are great, we don't want anymore.

Just be patient, wait a few years, see how you feel then.

Answer 4

I know it was sort of nice to have more kids, but I also realized my kids would not get the attention that they need if they needed help with homework or stuff like that. Also when you have to visit the teachers for parent teacher night, who's teacher do you go to first?

There is the question of teenagers. No teenager is going to be calm and happy throughout that period. There will be conflict so you have to realize that could happen. This is when the problems with kids will develop and grow.

I have 2 kids of my own and wondered about having more. But I actually couldn't handle more. It would be unfair to the kids I have now. You need to realize that you have to have time for everyone or it won't be "fair" to them.

I think you have to evaluate why you want more kids and what you would do if you get them. Will you be happy or will you be disappointed? Do you feel lonely or something? Kids are a lot of work.

Answer 5

My view as a sibling is very different from my view as a parent. I am the oldest of 6, and in our situation, a blended family(my father died, my mother remarried and had more children), with a large span of years, 12. My mother was manipulative and emotionally abusive, my adopted father avoided what he could and therefore was ineffectual as a parent. In my case, I wish my mother had never had any children, she really shouldn't have. But I had a very different parent than my youngest brother and sister did. My brothers have a very different mother than I and my sisters do, as she openly favors her sons. In my family, children if any should have been limited to one or two and probably not any at all.

However as a parent, I did a better job and broke this cycle. I enjoyed my daughters growing up, and they have become amazing young adults. I would have loved to had more, but my then husband, their father, choose to have a vasectomy against my wishes. As he sank into uncontrolable drinking and drug use, it ultimately was the right decison for him.

After the college years, and living through the grad school years, weddings, helping out when money is tight, still nurturing and guiding even as my own health declines, I'm glad that I didn't. I could not have handled what I am now and still maintained the quality of life I wanted for my children. I don't mean we are wealthy, far far from that, I mean I can be there now for them, they are on the right path, and I can still handle the nurturing part of parenting adult children with some grace.

I think you have to look into your heart and visualize your future. Do you see yourself with another child? If so, then have her/him. You won't be wrong about whatever comes.

Answer 6

I am the middle child of 6. Personally with so many siblings, no way I can get all the attention I needed from both parents, it's usually split. Father takes on a few, mother takes on the other half. I happened to received more attention from my father, because of that I felt like I wasn't loved by my mother since my father did all the "motherly" thing with me. He taught me so many things from cooking, about life, etc. He braided my hair when I was young, he told me stories, etc. My mother did all the chores for us, cook and cleaned after us, I just expected more since I don't have an emotional, caring relationship that I wish I had with my mother. Still the same to this day and I am 26, I have yet to have those heart to heart conversations with her and I'm about to have my second child. 2 kids is enough for me. One boy one girl, easier for my husband to handle.

Answer 7

I grew up in a family with 1 brother and sister. Me and my brother were close friends as a kid and remain very close as adults. My sister is also close but as a kid she hung out with neighbors girls for friends. She didn't fit in with the boys. You may want to give have another kid so that one of them can have a sibling that they feel comfortable to be with. Girls and boys do play together but as teenagers they don't think a like and go their separate ways.
My sister-happily married- has had 3 kids-2 boys and a girl,
A similar pattern emerged. I would like to have at least 3 kids.

Answer 8

My parents had 5kids and I'm the eldest. I think it depends on how many years apart in having kid. If you've have kids like yearly then that's a big problem and loads of stress.
Me and my brother are 3 years apart, then another 3years before the next one, then so on..
It also depends on how you parents will raise you're own kids, between me and my siblings, there was no favoritism from our parents everything was even and fair.

Answer 9

1. How strong is your marriage..are you two close...do you two have enough time together? 2. Do you have help around the house with the kids, does your husband help? 3. Why do you want more kids, is it a mood thing or do you miss the attention? 4. Be sure to really plan this...you don't want 2 or 3 kids in diapers? 5. We have 5 all two years apart....3 girls and 2 boys....I just got my wife back...missed her.

Answer 10

i think 2 or 3 kids is enough, i wouldnt want 5 to 7 kids running around the house, thats stressful, think of all the school fees you'd have to pay for each kid, it was hell for my mom even when it was just two of us. i say if you are financially supported well enough, then have kids, if not, dont have anymore until money is piled up in the bank. thats just my opinion