The boy is now 24, the girl 22, great kids. I was a somewhat strict parent and both have some resentments, though never got in an serious trouble. But last week I got to know that in 2000 my girl got involved w/ a bad crowed, drank and joined them in grafiting a wall and breaking a window. When she realized what she had done she asked my boy help. They got along, he had some money, they paid for the damages and nothing happened. They didn't tell us. As soon I as I got to know, I talked to my son, I was mad and disappointed. He just said he decided no tell us, because he was sure that was just a moment of insanity her sister went through and she regretted. In fact she never mesed up again and he thinks it was a very mature decision. In his opinion, igf I had known, I'd be harsh, wouldn't trust the girl, she's kinda sensitive and would suffer for nothing. He's sure that would have destroyed our relationship forever. Im mad, I feel betrayed, but my son is sure he did the best thing.
2007-10-22 03:27:28 · 23 answers · asked by Edson 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He emphasized she's a great young adult and, in that case, our parental intervention would only create serious emotional problems.
2007-10-22 03:27:39 · update #1
I certainly see your point but I also agree with your son!
Look at it this way - He was there for his sister! and she knew who to go to when she was in trouble. she went to her brother. they care for each other, alot. do you know how many people would love their kids to be close like that? She learned from it & everything is fine. Every child (probably you, too) have some secret from their parents, it may be a biggie or maybe it's just something small, but parents don't know everything about their kids. Try to put it behind you. They were there for each other-that is comforting to know they have each other!
2007-10-22 03:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by samira 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Edison I have to agree with your son's decision 100%. You are very fortunate to have such a close family as there are many I know that wouldn't have helped their siblings at all. Be grateful for the help he gave your daughter and realize it was indeed a childhood prank, nothing more. You are also lucky that your kids are good and not getting into trouble constantly, I work with young offenders and see daily what happens when kids have no self control. There is nothing wrong with being strict but the odd time it is always nice to let them know how proud you are of them also. Best of luck and don't fret over this event 7 years ago. They are both young adults now and sounds like they are good kids.
2016-05-24 03:53:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened seven years ago. Let it go. At least you know that your kids did the responsible thing and paid the damages. Your just mad because they didn't tell you about it. If you get mad and start giving them hard time about it now, you will be reinforcing the reasons they didn't tell you about it in the first place. Don't make them suffer now for something that happened so long ago. All kids do things that they regret. Save your relationship with your adult children and just let it go.
2007-10-22 03:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by kat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have some control issues. It happened 7 years ago. It happened long ago and nothing has happened since. Let it go. Focus on you and why you are so bent out of shape about it. Your children are adults now, cut the cord. Treat them as so. Your relationship can only benefit from it. If you hold on to the past and continue w/ your need to control you will push them away. So you are mad and feel betrayed, so what. Move on.
2007-10-22 07:35:46 · answer #4 · answered by MoonPie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you are over reacting. I understand your kids point of view. You should actually be happy that they trust each other that much and that they are there for each other. Don't go back and get mad about something that happened that long ago. Instead tell them that they can trust in you. and show them that you care. Obviously she did not come to you b/c she does not trust in you enough to know that you would have understood or she is afraid of you. I am 22 and think I understand why she would not tell you and why your son would help.
2007-10-22 03:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Adri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. It will not do you or her any good.
Your son handled it the right way and as per your own words they are great kids and never got into trouble again.
Count your blessings. There are a lot of parents and kids far worse than you.
As to your feelings of betrayal, it sounds to me that the issue is more one of control than betrayal. Something happened and you could not control it or the outcome of it. That is what is bothering you. NOT the fact that your kids were mature and responsible enough to handle the issue without needing to involve you.
You need to do a little growing up too.
2007-10-22 03:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He showed maturity and kindness in helping her, she showed a sense of responsibility for her actions, and it sounds like they were mature and did the right thing. So what if they didn't tell you??
Why in the world are you upset, SEVEN years later?? Let them have their own lives and make decisions on their own. Remember that as a parent you are preparing your children to LEAVE you and be on their own. They seem to be doing just right.
You seem to have a controlling nature and to hold grudges, and that can't be good for anyone around you. Lighten up and relax. You don't need to know everything about the lives of others, even your own kids.
2007-10-22 03:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by TurtleFromQuebec 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt feel so bad about this situation. Kids do things their parents dont know about all the time. Let it go. Look at it like this, you raised a really great son, he was there when his sister needed him and helped her out, and he kept her secret in order to protect her. If that is the worst thing either of them have ever done, then you have done your job of parenting right!
2007-10-22 03:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by screw the rules 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The problem was resolved by them, I would be very pleased as they took care of the problem and she did not descend into that behavior. My sister was not as fortunate, she did not come too me, I would have helped, and now she is an ex-felon. So in short, be proud of your kids, they turned out well and understand they need to get there independence from there parents, it was a good thing she went too her brother.
2007-10-22 03:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by Dougal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he made a good decision . He thought it out and did what he thought was right for both of you . I think if she were to mess up again , he would have told you . You shouldn't feel betrayed , but proud of the son you've raised .
2007-10-22 03:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by 4scar 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋