My child will be 3 next month? Should I tell Daddy she exists?

Question

I had a short relationship with a man that I had known for a while. Well, we had sex. He used the pull out method. It failed. I told him within the week after I found out I was pregnant. We got in an argument and I didn't talk to him until she was one month old. He came and saw her for aout 15 minutes and never came back. He got married, and his new wife told him that I said she wasn't his. When he asked about it, I changed the subject and have avoided it ever since. He now has 2 boys and my little girl.....
We talk regularly, with no mention of the paternity anymore.

I maintain contact merely because of these questions I have. Also, if she ever has medical issues, I know where to find him....

Sorry...We are friends...I am married...not interfering with this new wife...Wife 3. Old wife I knew before they married. My child calls my husband Daddy from day 1.

Answer 1

Let me tell you about me...
I was born to a single mom. She remarried and he refused to adopt me. They considered it, but it was too much of an expense - so it was never legally done. I was told this man was my father, called him dad, etc... I never liked him. My mom had 2 daughters with him and they are my sisters, but I was always treated a little differently - everyone could see it too. Thankfully, my grandparents made up for that, but there was always a "division of the daughters" as my best friend's mom used to say. I was told when I was 9 that he wasn't my "real" dad - only because I was going in for surgery and my mom thought the Dr would figure it out??? Anyhow - thank goodness, I felt better knowing I wasn't a blood relative of the man.
BUT - for my whole life I wondered who my dad was, why he left and what happened.
He married another woman - told her about me, but said I would never surface (my mom had taken him to court and he paid $, but didn't have to pay support in return, signed away his rights). Well - I found him when I was 28. It turned out great - we have a fantastic relationship, but I went through 19 years of heartache feeling like I was never good enough. It's a terrible way to grow up. It was VERY VERY hard on his wife too. She felt like she was betrayed, she was lied to, etc... It's only this past summer that I have met her and she's coming to terms with it. They nearly divorced over all of this! They had 2 sons and one accepts me, one does not.
My advice - Be TRUTHFUL and HONEST with your daughter starting NOW. His wife has the right to know too. It's not about causing them problems in their marriage - he's already chosen to not be honest with his wife, but for your daughter's sake - everything should be out in the open. For her brothers too - like it or not, they are siblings. It's not something you can choose to have or not - it's a fact. My brother and I are so similar in personality, in looks - I adore him! He's 14 yrs younger than me and I will always feel protective of him - he's my brother. If we would have met by chance we would have figured it out. Not that hard!
All of the adults involved need to sit down and discuss this - having HER interests and her brothers' interests be the center of the discussion. She needs to know her father's medical info at the very least, but it's just sad that they can't have a relationship. Get this stuff in the open NOW so she doesn't live her life and have regrets later.
I'm 36 now. I am okay with my situation, but I still wonder what it could have been like if everyone had just talked and been honest back then. I love my dad and I wish I would have had more time with him. I have grandparents and cousins who have died that I never was able to meet. It kills me inside. I live with some regrets everyday and I probably always will. No one should have to go through this if it's preventable and you can make a HUGE difference for your daughter by doing the right thing now. E-mail me if you need.

Answer 2

If you are talking regularly then you have some sort of relationship, even though he is with someone else. What is the reason for this on his end? Does he think the child is his, perhaps he does or he wouldnt still keep in touch with you, he's married and it sounds odd that you two still have a relationship. If you think he doesnt know, then YES you should tell him, talk to him about it. Sounds like the wife is jealous and doesnt want her husband around you, perhaps she is justified. But if it's his child, then you two should be talking about it.

Answer 3

he already knows about the child and he is not denying paternity since he has come to see the child. it is pretty difficult to accept immediately because he is already married legally to someone else. let his relations know about it . claim only what is due to you and don't spoil his house. he knows what he is doing . yes! tell him in plain language that the baby is for him and claim your right. stop seing him and get your own man so as not to be left for too long as a single parent.try not to pull any trouble with a happily married man.

Answer 4

Obviously he isnt interested in being her parent. If his name is on the birth certificate then tell him -maybe he will sign so your husband can adopt her. If his name is not on the bc then just let it go unless you need the child support.

Make sure your daughter doesnt date the sons of this man tho!

Answer 5

What is your question? If he came to see her when she was one month old, then he knows she exists. You should have a DNA test to prove paternity and then see a lawyer to have custody and child support arranged.

Answer 6

Absolutely no child should ever go through life without knowing their parent and if it turns out that he wants nothing to do with the child at least that child will know mommy made an effort and when they grow up the child will find out for themself he was a jerk.

Answer 7

What a jerk. Your baby would not want considered one of those poor function form in his/her life. Your toddler is going to look as much as you and whats greater appropriate than that. the father favors the different baby by way of fact he's with this women people. you mustn't enable it convey you down by way of fact your a greater appropriate parent than he will ever be. I ought to share my daughter together with her dad and that i hate it. he's a ineffective beat to boot and my daughter has subject i'm unlikely to lie. My husband and that i positioned plenty attempt into attempting to tutor her a thank you to apply her manners and be constructive. it relatively is poor by way of fact while she comes back to us she forgets each and every thing we've taught her. Your greater appropriate off no longer having this "guy" in you baby's life. it relatively is purely injury your toddler interior the long-term. They do what they are in a position to to you by way of fact they be attentive to it bothers you. positioned your head up and tutor them who's greater appropriate.

Answer 8

You need to tell her with-in the year, before she starts any school . She needs to be able to answer questions about her father to her new friends . Be honest with her, these days there are many different kinds of families.

Answer 9

nope, he knows about the child, you told him it was his, he even came to see the baby when she was born.
move on and get over this man, its been 3 years? you can get his rights revoked after a year of no contact with him.
that guys a loser and a dead beat dad to your daughter.
no way would i try anymore with him.

Answer 10

Yes, Your daughter needs her dad. She deserves him just as much as those two boys.
He must suspect that she is his. I think you should talk to him & tell him she needs a dad & talk about some arrangements.
best of luck