if your 20 year old daughter was dating a 38 year old man would you disapprove?

Question

would you disapprove of the age gap?

Answer 1

I can understand the concerns.

However odd this may seem there has to be some attraction between them.

OK, OK, I hear a zillion voices shouting perv, but stop & take a step back a moment, some of the most successful marriages have grown from large age gaps.

So it does work out.

The questions here are how mature is the daughter? And how "young" is the man.

If there is no alterior motive at work, and that can cut both wasy - obvious ones - "He only wants sex", "she's after his money", then the way forward is to allow this relationship to progress and see what destiny reveals.

There is a good arguement to say that the man could be good for the daughter, with age (should) comes maturity, stabilty & respect.

She could be good for him, with the zest of youth he could stay young for a lot longer than many fuddy-duddy people.

I'm not saying this is the actuallity, but it could be as easily as not.

There is no declaration of role in this scenario by the questioner.

Are you the daughter, a parent, the man?

The age gap isn't the primary issue.

I would suggest it never is.

In this case, with the man at 88 the woman would be 70, much less of an issue.

We can't choose when we will meet someone we will find attractive.

We can't always predict what the attraction will be, or to who.

We can limit oursleves on a simple issue like age, rather than the way people are treated & perseved.

Look at any of the dating sites, you find person after person seeking happiness, but limiting their preferred choice to "blonde, blue eyed, within 3-5 years of my age, within 10 miles of me".

Or, very similar tight constraints.

Why not open your mind a little & open the choices & opportunies?

If you're unhappy, finding it hard to meet Mr or Miss Right surely limiting your ideals & raising your expectations within a very tight frame is self defeating?

As at the top, I can understand the concerns.

But age wouldn't be my first worry.

That would be the normal elements that a relationship consist of before that (trust, respect, love, mutual acceptance, sharing), only if there was a problem with that I would question the ages involved.

In the end it has to be said "there are none as blind as those who will not see".

That cuts both ways, for those who will condemn someone due their date of birth (or religion, color, weight, fashion sense...etc) & those who fall into a situation that is unhealthy & won't look closely to see what they're into.

There are no rights & wrongs over age alone. Only prejudice & lack of insight.

Answer 2

Yes, because the difference between a 20 and 38 year old as far as maturity, life experience, goals, etc is too great. If she were 30 and he were 48, it would be different.

What can a 20 & 38 year old possibly have in common other than a physical attraction? As a parent, I hope that my children's relationships are based on something more than the physical.

Answer 3

Sorry I misread this at first.At first I thought the guy is 38 yrs.older than your daughter (58!) THAT would be too much of an age gap an I would definitely disapprove.
But an age gap of only 18 yrs. is nothing to worry about.
The main thing is that your daughter is happy with her boyfriend an he treats her very well.

Answer 4

I would caution my daughter to take care of herself. I would get to know the man so I could determine whether he is genuinely interested in her as a person or if it's just a fling for him. And I would step back and allow her to live her life as she sees fit.

If it turns out to be a mistake, I would be there for her and be supportive. I would refrain from saying I told you so, if it doesn't work out. She has to learn for herself what works and what doesn't. It's time to let her fly and explore her world. If you oppose the relationship you will drive her attachment to it. Give her credit for knowing her own feelings and let her experiment. That's what the 20s are about. And sometimes that's the toughest part of being a Mom.

Answer 5

If the young lady is wise beyond her years and the man immature for his age, then the age gap is narrowed. = )

I think I would disapprove.

Answer 6

She is over 18 years old. She has the right to make her own decisions .At least he isn't 50 or older. That isn't that big of an age gap.m Maybe she wants a man that knows where he is going in life. The age group she is in are just starting out and don't know what they want out of life yet and are still trying to grow up. Maybe he has more to offer to her. You have to know what is in the heart.

Answer 7

I would be very concerned, but she is an adult and can make her own choices. As a parent i would be very annoyed with this older man but would not want to cause a rift between my daughter and myself. I would definitely keep my eye on this older man and find out as much info about him as I could.

Answer 8

Definately. I would state my opinion, to your daughter, calmly and with facts, reasons, then shut up. Always treat the man politely. Hope she gets smart and moves on. At 20 you don't really have a lot to say about it your daughter is an "adult".

Answer 9

Yeah, she's barely an adult and dating someone old enough to be her father...I'd say he's just after a 'sweet young thing' and she's too immature to be hooking up with someone in the "middle age" area of life.

Answer 10

I would. Chances are he's going to try to control her. But if you express your disapproval, she'll probably stay with him just to spite you. Just be there to listen when it all falls down.