We just found out yesterday that my fiance's daughter has been telling her mother many, many lies about what goes on in our house and she went as far as telling others in authority about things that happen in our house. She is 17 and we know it is her choice to come to our house for visitation. I had asked her previously if she would be one of my bridesmaids, but she never really gave me an answer, though she talked about what dress she would like to wear in the wedding with me on multiple occasions. Right now, I am so angry about the lies that she told because she tried to make us look very bad in the eyes of others. It is not just me and my fiance that she lied about, but also my 2 children, whom she claims to love like her own brother and sister.
I really don't want to keep her as a bridesmaid, because to me, I have to be able to trust my bridesmaids.
Should I keep her as one?
2007-10-22 02:34:42 · 12 answers · asked by tazrunner1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm not sure how close your wedding is but consider taking some time to cool down. I understand how hurt you are, being lied about is never easy on a person. She is going to be your step-daughter and you want to get both your relationships to a good place. Talk to her and let both you and your fiance get your feelings out without shouting, screaming, or yelling. If she insists on being a conniving person, tell her that she is very much welcome to the wedding but will no longer be included in the wedding or the wedding planning.
2007-10-22 02:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your friends close
Keep your enemies closer
This girl is your enemy. She is an adult, and she is devious and a liar. She is obviously trying to damage your relationship with your fiancee. Therefore, she MUST be your bridesmaid.
When she is your bridesmaid, it puts the lie to everything she said, as she is publicly supporting you and your decision to marry her father. Think of the AMMO you would give her if you told her you don't want her to be a bridesmaid.
She is devious. You are older, and capable of being more devious than she. Time to manipulate her.
If that sounds harsh, well, it is. Hopefully, you can build a real relationship with her and win her over to at least respect you. For that, you just need to keep her close. If you confront her about her lies, do not do it in an "angry" way, but in a "sad" way. Shed a quiet tear when you "find out" of something she said, then give her all the credit "I'm so hurt and sad, but I know you would NEVER say something like that, I know that you didn't mean it...or that whoever told me was lying about you...etc"
You get the drift.
2007-10-22 09:48:33 · answer #2 · answered by greengo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes let her be a bridesmaid. All teenagers can say really hurtful and stupid things at times - especially when it comes to their parents new relationships. But it sounds like she's finally accepted that the wedding is going to happen - especially if she's already planning on what dress to wear. If you tell her she can't be a bridesmaid now, that will hurt her feelings, and will only drive a bigger wedge between you both. You need to act like the grown up here and rise above it all. Treat her the same as you would your own children - and enjoy your day. :-)
2007-10-22 09:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by Butterscotch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
H ave you tried talking to her? .She shld know that behavior is inappropriate and it wld not be rewarded, by being in ur wedding.. She has to realize that she cant go around spread lies and rumors, she 17, she shld know better. Maybe you shld have a talk with her and let her know u guys are getting ready to become a family and she needs to start acting like it. If she isn't told about her behavior in the event she didn't realize, how she was coming across to everyone. If she apologizes and seems sincere then reconsider having her in ur wedding.
2007-10-22 09:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by ttp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your are the adult and might as well act like one. Yes, you should keep her. She is a troubled teenager and all teenagers lie. What YOU SHOULD DO is talk to her and tell her that you know what she has been doing. BE a woman and not a CHILD. Teach a lesson of forgiveness and forgive too. She is the daughter of your fiance = future husband.
2007-10-22 09:51:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most 17 year old girls thrive for attention. If you pushed her away from something as important as your wedding, that could devastate her enough to feel unwanted, which would cause more problems and make her out to be the victim. In my opinion kindness on your part would give her more positive topics to keep her drama craving satisfied.
2007-10-22 09:50:11 · answer #6 · answered by April 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say keep her cuz if you tell her no now she'll just be spreading more crap about you. she'll be 18 soon, so hopefully you won't have to see too much of her in the future. I have an in-law that's sounds pretty similar, hopefully the rest of the family knows how she is and takes all she says with a grain of salt.
2007-10-22 12:26:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sarahz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, if there is a question simply say. "I'm sorry dear you didn't give me an answer and I had to go ahead with plans" or you and your fiance' lay it out on the table for her. It's his job to straighten this out and make sure that the rest of his family isn't being harmed by the renegade emotions and lies of a 17yr old.
2007-10-22 11:15:16 · answer #8 · answered by L H 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would keep her in it but sit her down and try to talk to her with her father about what is going on with her. Maybe she is crying out for attention since her father is about to marry someone other than her mother. She may be a bit jealous because the attention is and will be on you because of the wedding but sit her down and try to talk with her to see if you can get threw the problems.
2007-10-22 10:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would not, and I would tell her why she is not going to be in the wedding party as well.
She needs to stop acting like a four year old and act like a mature adult as she is almost 18.
2007-10-22 22:48:21 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋