I’m a little annoyed with my husband and his brother right now. Our son’s will be making their 1st communion early next year and his brother and wife want the boys to receive it together at our church (they live out of state) to kill 2 birds with one stone. We did this for their baptism’s, which sounded great on paper, but it presented problems for us because of family dynamics. For starters, my in-laws are divorced so we had to opt for a big out door party because they can’t stand to be in the same room together so this acted as a buffer, when his brother and his family flew in, they expected us to put them up and her in-laws, we paid for most of the celebration, my house was trashed because it rained on the day of the baptism and my toilets backed up due to the large volume of users in the bathroom. I don’t want to go through this again. I just want my son to have his own special day separate of his cousin’s and have a small family dinner at nice restaurant instead of the chaos I know will ensue if I go along with the plans everyone else wants. Any suggestions? Thanks.
2007-10-22 01:38:40 · 5 answers · asked by DAR76 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I find it interesting that your brother-in-law and his wife are suggesting the boys recieve their first communion at YOUR church. That would certainly eliminate a lot of problems for THEM.
Don't just be annoyed with your husband. Talk to him about your feelings. Remind him of what happened when the boys were baptized including the cost of putting up the family from out of town and how the house was trashed. If the in-laws can't stand to be in the same room with each other, that's their issue. Don't cater to their immaturity.
I suspect your husband agreed to your in-laws plans because he didn't stop and think about all the details involved. He just thought it would be nice to have everyone together. It's up to you to remind him of what actually will be involved in doing things this way. Tell him what you want, don't expect him to just know.
And don't allow these adults to overshadow your son's special day. Try to come to some kind of compromise with them but always keep in mind that one day your son will be an adult and he'll look back at how his special times were handled. Make some nice memories for him.
2007-10-22 02:04:14 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The logic for 6 tickets to sit in the church would seem to me to cover 2 parents, 2 maternal grandparents, and 2 paternal grandparents. If you had followed that reasoning, then your daughter would have been sitting in the hall with your father's wife; and your father would have been sitting with your mother, his ex-wife. Ask your father if he really would have preferred that arrangement. Tell him that you did the best you could with limited tickets to try to accomodate everyone as amicably and comfortably as possible. Tell him, too, that it would have been very wrong for you to not include the other grandparents in order to accomodate his new wife. If he disagrees, then I guess you'll know who you will have to not include in all of the future events in the lives of your children. Its a sad situation for you, but you may as well get everyone into their appropriate places right now and be done with it. Good luck.
2016-05-24 03:34:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband agrees with his brother, you'll really need to work on getting him on "your side".
What does your son feel? Does he want to share the day with his cousin? If not, perhaps his opinion can help sway your husband.
If I were you, I'd tell hubby & brother-in-law that if they want to do a combo there are two rules: 1 - you aren't keeping any guests at your home and 2 - you are having it at a hall/catering facility and will split the costs.
Good Luck.
2007-10-22 01:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say no thank you. Have the party you want. As for the divorced in laws...their problem. I would not cow-tow to their childish. If they can't make nice for 3 hours then they don't have to show.
In my house I set the rules. If you don't like them, don't come.
2007-10-22 02:07:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pick a day and tell your husband this is the day you have chosen for your son's communion and if anyone that has not been invited shows up, you're kicking all their asses out. And that includes family members.
2007-10-22 02:28:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋