Is love an act of selflessness or selfishness?

Question

(I asked this in Singles and Dating, but I think it applies to Religion and Spirituality, as well.)

When we find someone that we love, we often go to great lengths to prove that love for them. We will sometimes do things that border on insanity. That, to me, is selflessness.

On the other hand, when threatened with the loss of that person from our lives, we will sometimes do things that would never otherwise cross our mind in order to keep them. We do so not for their sake, but for our own. That, to me, is selfishness.

So, I ask...is love an act of selflessness, or selfishness?

Answer 1

Both, obviously, or the question wouldn't have been asked. Love comes with demands and expectations, but carries offers of giving and care and compassion. It can be a burden when unrequited, and a blessing when unsuspected.

Love also comes in many forms, and you would do well to explore them. (And starting with the hierarchy of love of self... friend... neighbor... nation... etc.) Expand your love as much as you can.

Answer 2

True love is a feeling of expansiveness, of joy, and of well-being.
What often passes for love on planet earth is a lower harmonic -- like possession, or need.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel great, you feel more generous? That's the power of love. When you feel fulfilled, you naturally want to help others. So the key, I think, is getting yourself to a place where you can actually feel love. So many people look to the other person to fill in those empty places. And when both people in a relationship do that...well, you usually get a big mess.

Once you've really felt love, you won't have to ask the question about selfishness or selflessness. Love encompasses both.

Answer 3

Well I have come to differentiate between two kinds of love: divine love and human love. Divine love is the kind that doesn't expect rewards from actions and is a superior kind of love, completely selfless, and there is human love-the kind that is most prevalent in society where the subject expects rewards from actions in favour of another and will regret and complain if this love isn't returned by the other party. This is selfish love in my opinion for it seeks to control, to have power over the other person and to boost the ego. If true love is given to another in the name of God, is selfless and can never become an act of selfishness. Meanwhile it inconceivable that selfish love turns into selflessness. The original intent is what makes love an act of selflessness or selfishness.

Answer 4

I definitely think that love is an act of selflessness. If the love you give is reciprocated, the way it should be...then you'll reap the benefits of being selfless in giving your love completely and unconditionally.

I do, however, believe love can and does die in some instances. Those instances are when people tend to do selfish things...not necessarily for the sake of love, but for the sake of their own happiness or just the simple inability to let go.

Answer 5

I agree to both, a selfless act when its moderated, when you care but are willing to let go, when you want to hold that being up high keeping it away from harm, a love without attachments would be selfless as it would not create a dependence from another being but rather care for it in a compassionate, understanding way.

Then again when a person attaches so much to that being through love it's when its hardest to let go, when the attachment is so deep that one can not imagine living without that being and indulges in non-productive thoughts, there love is selfish.

Like all emotions it should be applied moderately, for lack of such will cause great suffering.

Answer 6

Hi Deke,
You said, "We will sometimes do things that border on insanity. That, to me, is selflessness." This also is selfishness. I've had a former boyfriend who has stalked me on and off for 20+ years! He takes breaks now and then-lol.

I have learned that love is not just a feeling but a decision. When we choose to love someone like in a marriage we love them even when they are sick, when they are dirty, ugly, fat, thin, crabby, hurtful etc. THAT is love. Not a feeling in the pit of our stomachs which is infatuation. When these both come together then that is fantastic.
The bible speaks about this and it total truth. I've been married for 20 years now and I love my handsome husband more and more. I love him now more that I did when we married.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Answer 7

you love with the unconcious ulterior motive ;to be loved back- its a selfish act. But because it is not hurtful and usually involves good deeds it is usually taken to be a good thing that is a selfless act. This so called selfless act of doing good is actually for a selfish reason

Answer 8

Depending on the first description, it could go either way. We tend to confuse the definition of love as we only use one word. If it is true love or agape love, it is selfless. Jeanmarie says it well.

Answer 9

Ultimately, love is about selflessness as in 1corinthians 13, which someone has already quoted so I will not. If you truly love someone & want them to be happy/want what's best for them, you will find the strength to let them go, if necessary.

(((Deke)))

Answer 10

There are many forms of love and selfishness is not one of them. Agape is selflessness love.