I'm a good kid, but my parents point out my every flaw, how do i make them happy?

Question

I'm 19 years old, I'm going to college full-time and working part-time. I've never done drugs, I've never drank, I'm not promiscuous. I don't talk back. I make very little money, but all of it goes to them for my car. But my parents still manage to rip me apart with little mistakes I make... for example, I received a parking ticket, and was late because I didn't have the money at the time. They went off in a tangent about how I'm irresponsible I am and how my priorities are out of whack. It extended into me being lazy, which is ridiculous, seeing as how I'm rarely home.
I just don't understand what they want from me... I'm a good kid, with good morals. I'm not perfect by any means, but I would like some encouragement, some praise, some acknowledgment for what I have/can accomplish. What could I possibly do to get them to stop with the "lectures" and to get them to stop making me feel like a dissapointment?

Answer 1

my heart goes out to you. i am a parent and i find myself yelling at my son way too often. i kick myself for it. we as parents forget that kids need a heck of a lot more positive affirmations than reprimanding. if i were you i'd sit down with one at a time or both of them and ask them what you are doing right, what do they appreciate about you. tell them you need to hear positive things because it seems like all you hear from them is what you are doing wrong and that you realize when you do something wrong and could they please give you the respect to be a adult and deal with your problems without their putting you down for them. also point out how you have always tried to please them and make them happy. truly you are an adult and they need to find a better way of communicating with you. it sounds like they are still treating you like a child who has no understanding. maybe tell them, i'm an adult now, can we talk like mature adults about whatever it is that is bothering you? i think if you keep saying things like this to them, eventually they will start treating you with more respect like the adult that you are.

Answer 2

It must be hard for you courtney. It's a flaw that some parents have these days and I can attest to that cause I have the same dilemma before. It's sad 'coz I found praise from my teachers, co-workers and friends but not from my very own parents. Just continue to be the good child you are... Coz nothing goes down the drain if you do something right. Do something wrong then it could make things worse. You never know girl, they might be so appreciative of you too but you just don't know 'coz they might not be vocal. What I do when my parents exaggerate my small mistakes is that I just absorb whatever they say, then go to my room and cry all I want then after I got tired of pourin out my emotion, I go do something to treat myself. Because, the only person who could make us feel good within our control is our own selves. It goes true too when you've accomplish something good. Reward yourself. =) Stay happy courtney =) btw, u look good...

Answer 3

I think the best thing you can do right now is maybe move out and get some space between you and your parents. no parents like it when seperation comes between them and there children but your not a little girl any more you are a full grown woman and the only way to get respected by your parents is to start living your own life and being responsible and accountible for it. You will find once you have some breathing room between you and your parents thing should get better just remember to still do all the things you do now for them and always love them.

Answer 4

Tell them how you feel, how bad their comments and constant criticisms are hurting you and that you're doing the best you can. Tell them their attitude makes you want to just give up and quit school because they act like you can't do anything right (This will freak them out).

If possible, get your own place w/a roommate because you need to put a "buffer zone" between you and your parents. Some parents are just "Toxic Parents" and do more harm to their kids than good. There's an excellent book out there with that name, Toxic Parents, that you should read.

Answer 5

They are just pushing you to do your best. For some parents it seems like berating theirs kids is the way to do. So that it encourages them not to mess up and therefore no lectures. It's a bad way to go about things but that's just how it works sometimes. My parents are the same way.
Try letting them know. If you don't have that strong of a communication with them then let them know in a letter. Leave it for them while you go out.
If all else fails use it as a way to push yourself to get your career and leave as soon as possible. They love you they just show it in a weird way.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I'm 18 and I'm a full time college student and working a full time job. I also live on my own and my parents are seperated and live about 200 miles from me in opposite directions. What you need to do is get away from your parents. Get a better paying job and MOVE OUT. This will prove your point and show them that you are not lazy and that you are very responsible. Just make sure you are ready for this step before you take it. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Some parents actually put their kids down due to fact their kids are surpassing them by so much. Parents are human too just like anyone else. And some take this as a threat instead of taking it as they did a good job.

I've owned my own business for 10 yrs. Yet the entire time my father has stated to give up the worthless dream, I can't do it, it won't make it, etc. Even though I am still going strong after 10 yrs. Why? Cause he tried to open his own biz as a kid and it bombed out bad. He now can't stand fact I made it.

Sounds childish... but humans are humans. Since you are in college, take a few psychology classes. It will GREATLY help you in life to understand why people act like they do. And it won't effect you so much. It helped me.

Answer 8

Talk to them and tell them how you feel, they probably are not meaning to make you feel like they are putting you down. Some parents can get a bit carried away at times and it turns into a lecture instead of just mentioning something. Good luck, best wishes.

Answer 9

Try drugs and drink and have sex. Stop trying to live up to their expectations and live your life. You only get one so make it count. They love you a lot and that's great but they are still treating you like you are a kid and you even called your self a kid and thats the problem. As soon as you grow up they will accept you as an adult.

Answer 10

It is unlikely that your parents know they are making you feel this way. Wait until a time when you aren't fighting or upset with each other and tell your parents that you have been feeling down because you feel like they are disappointed with you. Avoid blanket accusations, like 'you always' or 'you never' and be honest and respectful. You might be surprised by their reaction.