how can i make my father love me?

Question

My father wanted a boy but he had me instead. My entire life he's told everyone that me and my mom were worthless parasites that he had to support, and he'd tell me to learn how to cook because that's all I'd ever do when I grew up. One year when I was 12 or so he gave the paperboy 20 dollars for christmas, but didnt get me anything. We had a family friend move in with us for a few years and she had a son a year older than me. My father spent time with him constantly but ignored me. I wasnt born a male, thats not my fault. I'm 24 now, almost 25, and I still feel that he doesnt love me..what can I do to make him love me. All i ever wanted growing up was a father.

Answer 1

Nina, sadly there isn't anything you can do but just reading your question it sounds like he is missing our on a very nice young lady. I talk to kids all the time that just don't understand it either and its so hard to even hear it when I do have the total opposite in a father. I can't fathom why a father (a real father that is) would even want to differentiate "love" for a son or a daughter. When we have children we wish for their health, not their sex. Just know that its nothing you've done and nothing you can change. God meant for you to be a girl/woman and thats what you should be. Let go of your fathers feelings, he is missing out, not you. If he can't love you for you then he isn't worth it. That sounds mean but its true. He'll pay mentally when he is lying on his death-bed realizing what he has done and missed in being your father. Remember one thing, being a sperm donor doesn't make you a daddy, love does. I wish you the best in everything you do........you have your mom, let go of the true parasite!

Answer 2

Sweetie some men aren't meant to be daddy's or fathers but nothing more than sperm donors. The same goes with some women as well not being meant to be mommy's or mothers. I am glad that you did at least have your mother to love you. Your mom should have left him when you were young so you could know the love of a real father. Did she ever see any love in this man her self? Your mom and you both deserve happiness, if your mom could ever see it in her to leave your "dad" she could meet someone that could be a real dad to you. Then your biological dad could see what he missed out on. But your dad has problems mentally in order to think that you and your mom were no more than parasites. I am so sorry that you grew up having to suffer this kind of pain and misery. You should sit down and tell your dad just how you feel and why he has never felt he could love you. But this may cause you more pain if his attitude has not changed. Focus on the ones who do love you and have them as your support system and know that no matter what he says to you that he has showed you and your mom from your life growing up far worse. When you find someone to love and spend your life with get someone that loves you unconditionally and make certain how he is around children beforehand. You are not missing out on anything with this man as a dad because he doesn't want to be a dad, even if you had been a boy. He did what he did with paying attention to the friends son to get to you and your mom. It could also be that your dad doesn't know how to show his feelings and emotions. Like with some older couples they wouldn't show love and affection in front of their children that was the way my dads parents were, my dad had a problem with showing his feelings and emotions for a little while after we were born but that quickly changed. Some people don't ever change because they never learn to. Good luck, best wishes.

Answer 3

I know this is hard to believe but, I am sure the love is there. He is your father. You say all you ever wanted growing up was a father but what you don't realize is you had one. It sounds like he is not what you wanted in a dad and I am sure he feels that. People have different ways of showing the way they care and sometimes it comes across like they just don't. I am sure he loves you just as much as he would have loved a boy. My dad also wanted a boy and he got five girls he always says if he would have gotten it right the first time he would only have one child. You need to embrace who you are and love everything about yourself and your dad. And try to look at what he does for others as a good trait that he has rather then something negative. Good luck, I have to tell you there were alot of times I felt not loved like I should be and there are still times that are hard but the more I love myself the less it matters who else does. Deep down I know my dad truely loves me and he needs us girls. :)

Answer 4

Hun, I'm in the same situation. My father is constantly disappointed in me because I wasnt born with a penis. What you need to understand is this is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong, and you shouldnt waste your time trying to make him love you. I know it's hard (trust me, I know), but as long as you have one parent that loves you, that's all you need. Please dont let this affect your life. Know and remember that you were born as a female for a reason,and if your dad cant understand that , that's his problem, not yours. The most you can do is prove him wrong and become an amazing human being. I bet you already are.

Answer 5

Sadly instead of a father you got a sexist ******. There's nothing you can do about it. It really sucks, but that's the way it goes. The best you can do is ensure that when you get into a relationship with a man, he is not a pig like your father, and when you have kids he will be a real father to them.

I also question what your mother was doing married to such a bastard all that time.

Answer 6

Wow Nina thats a tough one, Iam so sorry to hear this, I had a friend who had this happen to her also, and to this day, she still can't get her fathers love, and I don't believe that she ever will, and it sounds like you won't either. I hate to come off sounding so cruel, but some people are just stuck in that kind of stagnent mode, and nothing you do will change his mind, you are NOT a Male, and never will be, and thats all he wants, apparently, he sounds like a very cruel man, and my heart goes out to you, I'm sure you have tried everything you can do, to try to get him to love you hunny, but nothing will change him, the only thing that even moved my friends father was, she got into a pretty bad accident, and very nearly didn't make it, .he did call the hospital to enquire how she was several times, but never to speak to her, but those kind of circustances are not what anyone wants,
just keep on loving and praying for your father, and maybe one day a miracle will happen, and he will maybe, maybe change his mind and turn to you with love in his heart, I do hope so, for your sake Hun,
May God Bless you and Keep you safe.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear things are so hard right now. As for if fathers love their kids as much as mothers do. I think they do, its just a different kind of love. Mothers generally feel more connection as that child spent time living inside them mixed with their maternal instincts. We woman handle parenthood a different way. As for your husband, you need to talk to him. Tell him what you saw. Let him explain himself. Hopefully you two can sort it out and work through it. Go to therapy and find out where this is steaming from and if it is something you can overcome. I wish you all the luck and happiness. Good luck.

Answer 8

Darling, stop it now! Don't you dare keep on breaking your dear heart like this. Look I have not got a dad - I had a mum and that was all I needed. Dad's are usually no blasted use anyway. If this idiot doesn't love you 'cos you aren't a bl--dy male, he is not a person who is entitled to be called a dad anyway. Move out petal, get a flat share with some friends. Go out there and live a good happy life, and cut that slime ball right out of your life. My kids dad messed up on us as well but I now got loving kids and loving grandkids, there is a lot of (mostly male)cant about kids needing father's, it is nonsense kids need love, I bet your mum loved you, and if he had any sense not only would he love you but he would be proud to have a daughter like you who loves him so much she came to us, on here, for help because of his stupidity, he doesn't deserve you and you don't need his love or approval. Please believe this pet you do not need him, and can have a good life without him OK? lots of love (((HUG)))'s and blessings from me and my family, we would have loved to have had such a loyal person in our family, honestly. love from
Dot.xxx.

Answer 9

Anyone who doesn't love their daughter/ son is worthless. Why would you even want him to love you? My father never cared about my sisters and I. He only cared about his wife and his daughters from his second marriage. He died a year ago. I don't miss him. I only remember the terrible things that he did to my sisters and I. I just remember my mother and my grandmother who were angels.

Forget about your father. Concentrate on other things in your life. There are lots of other things in the world that you can have. Your father doesn't deserve any love from you.

You are a good person, you should forget about him.

Answer 10

Find a husband and forget about Dad. You can't MAKE anyone love you. Dad is obviouly a self-centered idiot who's stuck in his own little pathetic world harking back to the dark ages. Everyone wants to be loved, but by now you know better than to expect it from him, so find another man to love instead. If you quit trying to get his love and attention eventually he may wonder why.