"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
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(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
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(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
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(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
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(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
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2007-10-21 17:32:11 · 6 answers · asked by john 6 in Cars & Transportation ➔ Aircraft
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
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(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
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(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
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(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
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(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
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(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
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2007-10-21 17:32:28 · update #1
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(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
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(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious
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(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
2007-10-21 17:32:45 · update #2
Yeah, that's a Quantas compilation that's been around for a long time.
On the original, there were also:
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Installed cat.
P: Evidence of hydraulic leak
S: Removed evidence.
P: Noise in cockpit sounds like a midget with a hammer beating on something under the panel.
S: Took the hammer away from the midget.
Google around, you'll find the whole list.
A couple of my favorites are;
Def: Autorotation, is the flight manuever designed to occupy the pilots time as the aircraft rapidly plummets to the ground.
Def: A turbo-prop is basically a kerosene powered hairdryer, ignited by a Bic lighter, powering a windmill.
Comments I've made;
"Flying is like sex, if it's a pain you're not doing it right."
"Flying is the most fun you can have with your pants on. And if you join the mile high club, it's the most fun you can have without your pants."
P: Loose headspace in radio selector.
S: Loose headspace is on the other end of the knob.
P: Engine's won't synch.
S: Discovered problem with the left seat throttle actuator, could not repair.
And never forget the sayings that there's a loose nut between the yoke and the pilot's seat.
Fly the Friendly Skies
JT
2007-10-22 01:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by jettech 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Aviation Jokes
2016-10-28 13:46:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. What separates 2 alcoholics from 4 nymphomaniacs?
The cockpit door.
2. New cockpit avionics involve carrying a dog in the cockpit. the pilots job is to feed the dog, and the dogs job is to bite the pilot if he touches anything.
3. New cockpit avionics: when/if the pilot makes a perfect landing the instrument panel flips down and a mechanical arm hands the pilot a banana. Maintenance dilemma created by the new system: the banana requires continuous changing!! LOL
2007-10-21 23:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by islander 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen this before, if you are looking for more jokes I have a few:
Whats the difference between a turbine engine and a pilot?
A turbine engine quits whining when you shut it down.
Whats the difference between a pilot and god?
God doesn't think he's a pilot.
How do you know there is a pilot in a bar?
Don't worry he'll tell you.
2007-10-21 17:37:00 · answer #4 · answered by sammy1980 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Cool
2007-10-21 21:07:01 · answer #5 · answered by Fulani Filot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Airbus!
2007-10-22 04:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by grumpy geezer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋