How do I explain racism to my daughter?

Question

I was at Walmart shopping with my daughter (age 4). A black woman was there with her kids and somehow the little ones got to playing with each other. I was leaving to check out so I told her to come along. She wasn't ready to go yet, so she yelled out "No, dad, I want to play with the monkey!" Needless to say I was mortified and immediately apologized. The woman laughed it off (thank god), but how do I explain racism to my daughter? Has this happened to any of you?

No, I have NEVER called black people monkeys or anything like that in my life! The subject of race never comes up in my day-to-day life, so I never even thought to discuss it with my child (again, only 4 years old).

I sat down with her today and told her the black boys she saw were kids just like her in every way. The problem now is that she doesn't believe me! She still says they're monkeys! I made her sit in the corner for ten minutes to think about what she's done.

OK. I think I'm getting to the bottom of this. I asked my kid where she got the idea that blacks are monkeys. She said the TV. Well that figures! I gather that she had seen some documentary about Africa on PBS (we don't let her watch other channels) and she saw black people and monkeys together and made the connection.

Thank you to all who answered. I think my daughter has learned a valuable lesson. After showing her some Curious George books and comparing the illustrations with Tintin In The Congo I convinced my daughter that blacks are not monkeys after all. She now treats blacks exactly how they should be treated.

That can't be a real illustration, vitpuma22. It makes black people basically look like apes. If it were true why would all my professors have taught me that black people are the same as Whites, Asians, and Hispanics. I need more evidence than that.

Answer 1

Just talk things through, have communication with her. Be open, explain that true character comes from with in, not on the outside.

Answer 2

I wouldn't go into racism. Just tell her it's ugly to call people names after animals. Dogs, monkeys, etc. At her age it would bring more attention to race. Just deal with the behavior. She didn't mean it ugly.

We've always had friends of all races and have never made a big deal out of it. When my 2 oldest were 5 & 7, the 5 year old came home all excited from kindergarten. She said, "I got a best friend just like Deborah's and her name's Brittney, just like Deborah's. Except she don't have white hair. Her hair is black and her eyes are brown and she's, uh, uh, well she's brown all over but she's just like Deborah's best friend"

I knew then that they were not concerned with race. She just wanted to describe "her" Brittany.

Answer 3

Sit down and explain to your child the difference between human and animal. These are humans and humans have different races. Also let your child know that other people have strong opinions and express them with verb-age that should not be used or repeated. If they have a question regarding it to sit and discuss it in privet.

Answer 4

i think children have a very basic undesrtansnding of things and so therefore you will need to gently break this information down to her. first of you can give examples of how there are various colours of peppers and that does not mean that a yellow pepper becomes a banana. tell her that there are various types of people and she shouild be nice to all types regardless of skin colour.aslo give her a warning never to call black people monkeys, it is impolite.
hope this helps.

Answer 5

Your daughter is confused because blacks DO look like primates. Their skull shape and jaw structure is between a primate and a human. This pic will illustrate the difference:

http://sydneybluegum.com/images/campers.png

You should explain to her that blacks aren't monkeys, they're obsolete farm equipment.

Answer 6

i don't agree that "you must be a racist" i remember spending the day with my best mate who's black.we took our kids out to the seaside together,my girl was 3ish yrs old.when we got back she drew a picture of her day and explained who was who.she pointed to my friend who she had coloured in pink and i said her face isn't pink its black.she looked at me confused and said "she isn't black,silly!".......she is now 6yrs old and was giggling at the school gate with some friends and i asked what they were laughing at they said"Emma is walking to school with a black man!" such a short time difference in age.at 3 she had not seen colour in anyone but once at school with other peers she had.racism is learnt and if parents just explain that it is totally unacceptable to speak about ANYONE in negative tones in regards to colour then children would grow up in a more tolerant world.

Answer 7

That must have been so embarrassing for you!

It reminds me of a story I just read here http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/3588/Racism-and-Childrenhelp-them-understand/ that you may be able to relate to. The author also wrote about how she taught her kid about it.

Answer 8

No. My advice:

I encourage you to not explain to her about racism, but just correct her with what she said, was incorrect. First, ask her if she heard someone say this before (because she may have learned it by hearing someone else say it, and thought it was okay to say and is normal to her, til someone corrects her). I am sure she did not mean to be mean, about it. Many times young children at her age, will learn to pick up words or phrases like that, from others around her or someone she knows or you know. She learns by examples of others. Find out where she learned that from. Explain to her that its baddd to say that, and tell her not to repeat it, anymore. Make sure she understands.
Then, explain to her that people don't like being called animal names, because they are not animals, but people just like us ..but just a darker skin color than yours and hers. Tell her that they are people, not animals. Say monkeys are very hairy animals, and show her a picture of one. And show her a picture of a person who looked just like the lady and her child. With children, sometimes its hard to talk to them in an innocent manner, because most teens/adults don't think so innocent like young children do. Its unusual for a adult to think like a child, but explain to her the best way you can . .without saying the words, racism, or black, etc.

Its VERY important for parents to really be aware of what is going on with their children's lives . .seeing that they don't socialize with others who will become a bad influence on them. Its your responsiblity, as a parent ..to encourage your children to socialize with positive people, and be prompt to correct or discipline them in a positive manner, when they mess up. You are their only best example to look up to, so what you say, do and how you act around them and others. .will have a great impact on them, as well as whom you allow them to interact with, too. Children learn from others, and a wise parent will encourage and teach their children to say, do and act on what is good, and correct them kindly on what is not . .setting them a good example to follow and live by.

P.S. Rich, I read your added detailed info. .. .that's understandable. I did not think you would say something like that to your child, but that she got this idea from somethere else.

Answer 9

some one must have called someone that. explain to her that every one is different. and it is not nice at all to call other people names even if she hears other people say it.

Answer 10

She is old enough to be be told that it is not nice to call people names, regardless of color, sex, weight, etc.