What is a funny joke I can tell my dad?

Question

The top part answers it all!

Answer 1

Hope this help...
1.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."



2.
A father was watching football this weekend, he and his daughter got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation the father told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV, and dumped out my beer.



3.
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of story and then conclude the moral of that story....

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story and little Suzy raises her hand... "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market... Well one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road" ... teacher asks for the moral of the story... Suzy replies, "don't keep all your eggs in one basket"

Next is little Lucy.... "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator" .... "Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched"....Teacher asks for the moral of the story.... Lucy replies "don't count your eggs before they're hatched"

Last is little Billy.... "My dad fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory".... "He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete".... "On the way down he drank the case of beer".... "Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers".... "He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more, but the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands"

Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.... Billy replies, "Don't fcuk with my dad when he's been drinking"

Answer 2

Saying the Right Thing at the Right Time

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.

He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks,"Son, what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, b*tch, I'm married!"

Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time..........PRICELESS

Answer 3

in a anatomy class,it was to write an conclusion on cockroach

a boy took of oneleg of cockroach and said run it began to run

he again took the second and said run.it again began to run


he again took third leg and said run and it began to run again

finally,he took the fourth and said run.but it did not move

then he wrote the conclusion


COCKROACHES BECOME DEAF,IF ALL LEGS ARE REMOVED




















Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"










clean jokes u can say to ur dad

Answer 4

there were three woman a blonde brunett and a redhead.

Then they saw tracks the redhead thought it was bear tracks
The brunett thought it was fox tracks
The blonde thought it was bigfoot tracks.

Then at that split second, The train hit them

Answer 5

Why did Tigger have his head in the toilet??

He was looking for Pooh!

Answer 6

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantren?



with a pumpkin patch!!!

Answer 7

Why don't cannibals eat clowns??

They taste FUNNY!

Answer 8

Ok. tell him "How can an elephant fit in a subway?" and then he'll say "how?" and you'll say "take the f out of way" and he'll say "There's no f in way." (in case you dont get it, if you say it out loud it sounds like theyr saying "theres no effin way."

Answer 9

"the gay couple becuase they packed their sh*t the night before"


Hahah I took that literally at first.. as in they were really organised hahaaaaa.

Answer 10

whats hairy all over, wrinkly skin, two things shaking and one going in?



a pig rooting